What's a Mid-20s Virgin to Do? - This Is Trouble

What’s a Mid-20s Virgin to Do?

There’s a thread over on this forum that I’ve been following with a lot of interest, about a mid-20s male virgin who is struggling to get that monkey off his back. To quote from it:

“Maybe you know me from the forum, maybe you don’t… But this situation has been weighing on me for a long time. Being 20-30, it is troubling to me that I haven’t yet lost my virginity. And I’m closer to 25 than 20, by the way.

To be honest– and I try to be completely honest on this forum– is really hard. But I don’t lie to you guys. I don’t engage in P2P or anything like that. I am religious, and loosing my virginity never happened.

It is weighing heavily on me, and I try to be positive, but in our current society I feel like I have zero value as a 20+ yr virgin. I believe handily in the values of this forum, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…”


I’ll spare you the back and forth, but I did end up chiming in on page three and have been part of the discussion since. But, I do one to really point this one very, very key detail out.

Things have changed.

The world is not how it was 50 years ago, and frankly, I’ve been harping that biology rules all for quite some time—as far back as 2013.

Which is why, when the original poster pointed out that he grew up somewhat religious, and wasn’t keen for his first time with a girl to be some one night stand, I had to speak up.

And, this poster wants to also go to Belgrade, Serbia—and hopes to get the monkey off his back while he’s abroad. I’m certainly an advocate of dating abroad, and would encourage any and every man fed up with the girls of the west to make that move. But at the same time, I’m also pretty sure it’s not a solution to his problem. If anything, it’s just unnecessary pressure.

Especially because Serbian women are notoriously difficult.

I responded and chimed in:

“I can and do understand this, but let me also point this out…it is an old school way of thinking and biology tends to not be so kind to those unwilling to “evolve”.

Times have changed. While a few years back this might have been seen as commendable in a girl’s eyes, it’s no longer the case, especially in America. We have “evolved”. People fuck just for the sake of fucking, not because they love someone.

Now, you can make the argument that it’s backwards progress and we haven’t really evolved at all, merely regressed. However, to that point, Mother Nature does not give a damn.

The current marketplace as it’s evolved has clearly spelled out that it wants you to have the opportunities to lose your virginity with a one night stand, or even as something as simple as swiping right on your smartphone.

However, if you look deeper.

Once you go through enough of these girls, then you can have a newfound appreciation for when the girl who is worthy of a LTR comes along. You can appreciate her for the qualities she brings to the table. And more so, you’re able to screen out and vet her because you’ve taken your lumps with the hoes of Tinder.

Because if you don’t get some practice with the promiscuous girls first, there’s simply no way you can have the tools in your arsenal to make and keep an LTR strong. Humans have evolved so that if you want to produce, you have to have game and be able to manage that aspect of the relationship. No longer can you count on womanly and familial morals to help keep those things together.

It is literally survival of the fittest.”

I mean, I was a pretty darn late bloomer myself.

This blog originally started because I’d finally gotten the monkey off my back, and was having some real success with women—and I simply wanted to document the journey. Sure, it’s evolved a lot from there, but at it’s very core, “Trouble” was all about breaking out of my own shell and seeing the world for what it was.

It troubled me.

In any case, I wish this guy the best of luck.

If I were him though, I’d just get some girl off Tinder and get ‘er done with.

Kyle Trouble

I'm Kyle "Trouble". I'm a former computer engineer who left the 9-5 in LA at 24 years old and moved to Eastern Europe. I blog about dating, life abroad, and building successful and scalable streams of income.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 4 comments
Nick - April 25, 2018

..Hey Kyle, so do you think that Tinder is even worth it anymore?.. see, I’ve recently tried out Tinder for the first time; and I’ve worked hard to build myself up into a good catch/ took the best photos I’ve had/ wrote a funny witty bio and still barely got any matches and none of them even responded anyway. It’s strange because I feel i’m in better shape, better looking, and have better style than at least 80% of guys out there but it’s like the girls just don’t seem to give a shit. I got the sense that now adays a guy will have to be the equivalent of a top male model to have any success on there.

It’s just very frustrating when I’ve actually worked very hard over the years to make myself a catch and yet the girls still don’t seem to give a shit.

    Kyle Trouble - April 25, 2018

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but unfortunately you’ll have to remove that sense of entitlement.

    “I feel I’m in better…etc etc.”

    “It’s very frustrating…”

    That little bit of anger and agony is seeping through in this message, and girls will pick up on it too. Here’s the other thing:

    How do you know your profile is any good?

    You say it’s funny and witty, but is that only your own opinion?

    Have you tested it against other profiles to see how it compares?

    Gone through my GoDateOnline.com course and compared it to what you have?

    If you can’t answer of these with anything other than your own feelings or opinions, you probably haven’t put in enough testing to really see what works (not saying anything will, I have no idea where you are located and how played out Tinder is there).

      Nick - April 26, 2018

      I guess you could say the anger and “entitlement” comes from trying my best and still getting absolutely nothing in return. You would be very frustrated/angry too if you worked your hardest at something, but never actually had any results despite your best efforts.

        Kyle Trouble - April 27, 2018

        I’ve been in your shoes bro.

        You’re missing my point.

        Letting go of that anger and entitlement is the final step towards making peace with yourself and your situation. And that’s when the results will happen. You’ll also just be much happier with life in general.

        Let me take a swing at this:

        You’ve probably been largely ignored by women for most of your life. Maybe gotten lucky a few times, but never been “in control” of the situation. Always felt pretty hopeless — like women controlled your destiny and you were powerless to change it.

        Until you went through this improvement phase.

        Now, you think that’s changed — or at least, it should have.

        Am I warm?

        But, fact of the matter is that women are STILL the choosers, no matter how much you’ve worked on yourself. You still have to get out there, put your best foot forward, and take risks. That might mean going off of Tinder. Hard for me to judge how good looking/in-shape and how your profile is without looking at all of this.


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