I’ve realized over the last few years that there is a default “you’ll leave them better than you found them” simply by the nature of what each sex brings to the table. As a man I’ll train her in what you want from her — if she doesn’t cook and she wants to continue to see me then she’ll learn some rudimentary cooking skills. Entertaining skills, social skills, introductions to new friends. She’ll give better blowjobs because I take the time to teach her what I like in the bedroom. She’ll learn about motorcycles because that is one of my passions in life. She’ll learn about the outdoors, navigating, how to use a GPS, how to carry a pack and what goes in it since I enjoy the outdoors, she’ll learn to fish. How to take care of her car. Finances and budgeting. What can she teach me? Not much at all.
I’m sitting here thinking hard about what the last 5 women I dated brought to the table that helped me and honestly its a struggle to come up with anything. I learned a new way to fold towels that I like better than what I used to do. I got taken to an indian sweat lodge ceremony. Seriously, that’s it. They were all great women else I wouldn’t have spent extended time beyond pump and dump with them, all very interested in logging time with me. But at the end of the day when we move on from each other she is much better for the time she has spent with me and her life is improved.
Me? All that effort in training her is lost, out the window, no way for me to gain any benefit from it any longer – I start back at zero with the next woman. In fact, I’m actually negative in the deal because more than the skills I’ve left/bettered her with, I’m also out for my time which I can never get back. That is the killer for me, the time. Once I realized the dynamic that is at play I had a bit of an “ah ha!” moment.
We, as men, will never realize any benefit from an investment in any woman. After sitting with it for awhile I’m ok with that, but I pay MUCH more attention to the time I spend with them since I’m very clear in understanding that any time or training or investment in better her will have zero upside for me in the end since I see little hope for a LTR that will last the rest of my life. She’ll take what she has learned from me and move on to the next guy, no problem. But I’ll always start back at zero. But if I want to keep her around for awhile then she’ll need help in understanding how to make me happy so I have no choice but to invest in bettering her somehow. It’s a delicate balancing act…
This is such a good comment Wally. One thing to note is that it isn’t necessarily a complete loss of time – you likely furthered your skills in those areas by teaching them. For example, if you’re in a Calculus class and you tutor your friend who is really struggling in it, you’re going to understand the course material better. This isn’t a perfect analogy, as many of those things could have probably advanced even further without a woman tagging along…but you get my point. Not a total net loss.
In addition to that though, you’re right. In a relationship, a woman gains…
– A teacher, as you’ve shown above
– Handyman for household stuff or lifting heavy shit
– Computer tech, if you’re savvy
– Decision maker
– Bank account, to an extent
– Emotional sounding board
– A +1 to events like weddings, etc that men don’t usually care about
– A way to brag to all her friends and show off.
– Consistent pussy (God, you’d hope but this isn’t always the case even)
– “Companionship”…though I’d rather play pool with a buddy than watch Netflix on the couch
– MAYBE a cook/cleaner/domesticated help…this is a big maybe though.
To counter all my points above, and what you said…
– We don’t really learn new skills.
– We don’t get help with handyman stuff
– Computer stuff? Ha.
– Decision making? No, if anything it stresses us more because now we’re deciding for two.
– Bank account, unlikely.
– Emotional sounding board…if you do this too much you can feel her vagina drying.
– +1 to events, I’ll give that.
– Bragging to our friends about girls doesn’t go much farther than “she’s hot.”
Anyways, rant over. Great post again.
Part of the process of becoming “unplugged” and facing reality head on is that you begin to realize that romantic relationships are, in a large part, transaction based. Sure, there’s the fairly tale illusion of love, but underneath the hood biology still rules all. Men want youth, beauty, femininity, and sex. Women want someone to look up to, who can lead and who has status.
To deny any of the above is to live in a world where you’re likely to ultimately get fucked over by a woman, by the system – or both.
So embrace reality.