Last updated: November 13, 2019

Tokyo Girls | How to Date and Mate In 2020

Asia, Dating Abroad, Japan


Do you want to hook up with cute Tokyo girls? Maybe even find a Japanese girlfriend? You are in luck.

Most Tokyo guides are either…

  1. Focused only on sightseeing and family-friendly places (boring)
  2. For hook-up locations (with no options for more ‘decent’ guys)

Well, we are mashing the two!

Read on to find out: 

  • All the best locations for night game + the perfect time to meet Japanese women
  • Why the Shibuya crossing is not the best for picking up girls (and where to go elsewhere)
  • How to spot the Tokyo women that just want casual relationships (if that’s your thing, more power to you, but some might want something more serious)… 
  • And, how to meet a sweet girl for a long-term relationship

Basically, you have a recap of the dating culture, a Tokyo-girls-focused city guide, and tips on picking up Japanese women all in the same package. 

This is a lot of info that we have to cover. 

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Are Tokyo Girls Obsessed With Western Men? 

Short answer: No, most of them are not. 

Some Japanese girls are literally crazy about foreigners. These gaijin hunters would jump from one Western traveler to the other. It’s not always about sex. More so about novelty, and interest in foreign culture. Gaijin hunters are looking for guys and girls alike. 

They don’t make a good dating choice. A gaijin hunter is the equivalent to your friend’s little sister that is obsessed with you/other upperclassmen. 

It may be tempting to go for Western-obsessed Tokyo girls. Though they might be a fun one night stand, but they make terrible girlfriends.

Here is what you need to know about normal Tokyo women.

You know, the cute, youthful, fun women that happen to be 100% relationship material!

Japanese vs. Western Dating Culture

Dating in Japan is about status.

Not all Japanese women will admit it—but your income and career matter A LOT.

That’s why some Tokyo females steer clear of foreigners altogether…especially the ones who possess a TEFL certificate.

The most popular job for an expat in Japan is an English language teacher. The modest 250,000 yen per month that it pays (around 25K USD per year before taxes) is not enough to raise a family. 

A family? They are thinking about that when they look for a boyfriend?


Tokyo girls are progressive in many ways.

This is not one of them.

Japanese culture is still very traditional.

  • Women want to get married and have babies.
  • They do not want to have to work while their kids are growing. 

The other reason why Japanese women look for wealth and success is more superficial. Just look at how they are dressed. Expensive handbags, pristine shoes, nails always done, makeup and hair on point, etc. The way you present yourself is incredibly important in Japan. This extends to partners. 

To put it simply: Tokyo girls want a boyfriend they can show off. 

I am not talking about the physical sense, though. A lot of Japanese women will date way under their league, physically. They don’t value looks nearly as much as status and how well the guy takes care of them. 

Don’t Be A Charai or a Nanpa-Shi

A Charai is a playboy.

He’s a guy that sleeps around but will not commit. Even if that is the case, it’s not something you want to flaunt. 

Japanese girls like to live in a fairytale fantasy. They will not be in an open relationship…and having a charai reputation will ruin your chances with the good ones. 

Nanpa-shi is a pickup guy.

They hang around busy areas of Tokyo, trying to pick up girls. The scramble crossing in Shibuya is one of the most popular locations. To most local girls, they have become synonymous with the sleazy mentality. 

Fortunately, you can avoid looking like one. Even if you plan on picking up girls on the street, you can be better than your average guy on the street.. Trust me, local guys have read all the books and awkwardly attempted all the techniques. Nanpa-shi men’s whole thing is to try with as many girls as possible, in the hopes that it works with one of them.

~ Click here to join the #1 dating site in Japan ~

Click here for a free profile

How And Where To Approach Tokyo Girls 

Not all areas in Tokyo are foreigner-friendly. This is especially true about nightlife. There are even some bars that specifically don’t allow travelers. 

Whether this is your first, or 101st time in Tokyo, two areas are gold mines for meeting women. Roppongi and Shibuya are busy nightlife districts with some of the city’s best clubs. 

First things first, let’s talk about timing: 

The Perfect Time 

Between 11 PM and 1 AM is when you want to be out. This is when people start coming out and flocking to the stations. It is around that hour that nomikais (pre-drinks) and the latest shifts end. Girls are tipsy and happy, the night is ahead of them. 

Remember, the last train is at 12:30. If you hang around the stations at this time, you can meet plenty of girls that missed their last train…and now they have no plans. They’re stuck in the city, nowhere to sleep (heh), and need something to do until the morning trains start again.

This is also when the pickup guys come out. You will recognize them by the ridiculously gelled hair and the “peacocking”.

I have no idea why the look is so popular. 

Anyway, the nanpa-shi will be hanging around busy stations and crossings. How do you choose your location? 

Ditch The Strategies

You want to do the exact opposite of what nanpa-shi guys do. That includes: 

  • Make some fun plans of your own. Even if you don’t know a soul in the city, you could arrange to hang out with people from your hostel or go to a Meetup (they are getting popular in Japan)
  • Dress to impress…but don’t try too hard, either. A nice fitted blazer is dressy enough. You can wear a t-shirt underneath. If you are going for a shirt, make sure that it’s good quality and fits you well. As for the hair, style it however you want. I trust the people reading this site are not cringe enough to go for hair spikes.
  • Don’t go straight to the busiest places. Instead, pick a location with moderate foot traffic. Ideally, it has to be a place where people aren’t just rushing around. The side streets around Shibuya are a good place to start. 

Most important of all, ditch the routines. 

You don’t need a line. Just go up to the one you like and strike up a casual conversation.

Have a few minutes of small talk. Then invite her to join you at whatever your plans are. Remember how I told you to make fun plans of your own? This is where this is key.

Unlike the pickup guys, you will be in a win-win situation:

  1. If you pick up a girl from the street, cool, you sort of “bring your own lunch” to the club and see where the night leads you.
  2. If you strike out, you still have a fun night ahead of you. There will be plenty more opportunities to meet cute girls during your night out. 

Finally, standing out is also a major perk. Tokyo girls are tired of these games.

Did you know that Japanese people are getting more and more isolated?

Women in Japan crave connection, but they get men who prefer sex dolls instead. You can create immediate attraction by being a novelty, being normal and confidence, and by doing all the things that locals do not!

Start Learning Japanese — Click Here!

Do I Need Japanese?

I call this “picking up a girl for a night out” early night game. It’s not too different from day game. What sets them apart is some girls will be tipsy at night. 

Alcohol works wonders for the language barrier. 

Tokyo is also quite multicultural. Most of the women here, even if they haven’t left the country, have been exposed to American or Western culture. A significant number of them will speak decent English. 

Picking up women on the street is a numbers game. Even though girls in Tokyo do speak English, approaching them in Japanese will always be better.

Warning: A bit of math ahead, feel free to skip

  • It’s all about the percentage. If 70% of the women spoke English and your approach had 1:10 success rate (which is pretty great), this means you will get lucky with only 7% of the girls you approach. This is 7 out of 100.
  • What is the average number of girls you will have to talk to, to get one number? Around 15.
  • If you do it in Japanese, it’s 10 (because your success rate is 1 in 10). In other words, you will have to approach 50% more women to get the same results. 

My point with all of this? 

You don’t need-need Japanese to pick up women on the street. But if you do speak it, even at a basic level, just enough to be “aww he’s trying”—your chances shoot up significantly. 

Their program was built to emulate how kids learn a language. You won’t be repeating stupid sentences like My dog enjoys eating grass but go straight for the useful phrases instead. 

Check it out, they even have a free trial!

Start Learning Japanese — Click Here!

Anyway, back to the point: 

The Best Places For Early Night Game

You are looking for places with enough but not too much foot traffic. The crossing at Shibuya is not one of them.

This particular crossing is the busiest in the world. People are rushing, the crowd is always huge, and you will rarely get a chance to properly talk to a girl. 

Move slightly away from Shibuya station and into the side streets. I am just talking about walking a few blocks. There will still be plenty of girls around but much less rush. 

It’s convenient to pick up girls in this area because Shibuya is also a nightlife district.

You can go directly to a bar or a club.

Here are some of our favourite locations: 

  • Camelot Club is a trendy location that seems to attract more polished types. That said, they never enforce a dress code per se. During the weekend, the crowd is as varied and colourful as it gets. This is a good place to go if you want to have a blast on your first night in Tokyo.
  • Harlem – as the name suggests, it’s a hip-hop club. Actually, more than just a hip-hop club. Harlem has be an iconic disco since the 90’s. Expect some Japanese baddies here!
  • Womb is huge. With four levels, an impressive sound and light system, and some of the city’s best DJ’s, it is no wonder the drinks are so expensive or the girls are so hot.
  • Vision can accommodate over 1000 people! With various levels and areas, there will surely be something you enjoy. They cover all genres – from EDM to rock and roll and everything in-between. 

Alternatively, you could go to a smoking area. In Shibuya, the most popular area for people to meet up is Hachiko. Right next to it, there are two smoking areas. One of them, the newer just outside of the station, is among the best places to chat up girls.

Remember, normal conversation and correct timing. Smoking areas are perfect for meeting Tokyo girls. 

Now let’s talk about an unexplored pickup opportunity: 

DVD Rental Shops 

You see a girl picking up a DVD on a Friday night. Tell me, does it seem like she has plans for the night? Exactly. 

Check out the foreign film section at your local Tsutaya.

There is a better chance to meet Tokyo girls that speak English there. Plus, considering the location, your success rate will skyrocket. Just make sure to focus on the central shops. In residential areas, they always seem to be half-empty. 

Chat With Tokyo Girls Online

Online dating is a big deal in Japan. People here are just generally more socially awkward. They like the comfort of checking out potential partners from a safe place. 

While locals can have 10+ dating sites and apps that they use, there are only three worth having for you: 

  1. Tinder is an obvious one. Most of the girls I’ve met off Tinder are not 100% in it for a hookup. They will do a one night stand… They will also consider a relationship. The main problem with Tinder is flakiness. It requires such a small time investment (and no money investment) that you can expect girls to be flaky. To combat that, get her number or social media quickly. The sooner you move away from Tinder, the better.
  2. Japan Cupid is the polar opposite of Tinder. Geared towards international romance, Japan Cupid will help you meet your future girlfriend. Tokyo girls love it because they are tired of local guys. The other perk here is commitment. It takes longer to make a profile on Japan Cupid. The whole premise is looking for a relationship. The girls are a lot more eager to interact, making it easier to line up dates.
  3. Pairs is the most popular local dating app. It’s constantly growing, too. Most of single Tokyo girls now have a profile and there is almost no stigma about it. The downside here is you won’t find as many English speakers. Pairs is for locals. Some of the women would not even consider a foreign suitor. Still, for the popularity and talent quality, it deserves your time. 

The entire Japanese culture is about honor, hence—looking and acting innocent.

~ Click here to join the #1 dating site in Japan ~

Click here for a free profile

First Date In Tokyo

There are some perks to huge cities. You will never be bored in Tokyo! But how do you choose the perfect first date location? 

First of all, the no-no’s: 

  • Don’t ask her to choose. You have to take the lead.
  • Dinner and drinks feels too serious. Every girl in the world likes to be wined and dined. On the first date, however, it feels like a bit too soon.
  • Don’t go for “just coffee”, either. It is a little too casual.
  • A walk around the park could be nice. For some Japanese women, though, it looks cheap. Remember all I told you about status being important? She wants a guy that can treat her to more than ice cream at the park. 

Did I ruin all of your hopes and dreams? Yup, it seems like all the good date ideas are out of the window. Here is what I like to do instead: 

  • A casual, but yet classy, drinks spot. Not a pub, but not a lounge with an absurd list of overpriced “craft” cocktails.

Assuming date number one went well, if you actually like her, the second date is easy.

Do an actual activity. 

Bring her to an exhibition, there are many of those in the city. Check out a performance together. Go to see the blooming trees in one of the private gardens (note: not the same as a picnic in the park, at least not to her). 

The point is: 

Besides, your Tokyo date will appreciate the creativity you put in choosing the place. It shows effort and effort is more important than how much the date cost. 

Plus, you’re a foreigner in Japan? Surely there’s lots to see and do that you haven’t done, and maybe she can even play a bit of tour guide for you as well (make sure to tease her about this!)

Are Izakaya’s Worth It? 

Izakayas are “typical” Japanese pubs.

They are popular among locals and some guides recommend them for meeting Tokyo girls. While I don’t completely disagree with that tip, it can be hard to talk to girls. If they are hanging out with their friends, having a fun time, you are intruding on a conversation to even approach. 

You could try the “hook-up izakaya”—Aiseki-ya.

It’s a Japanese twist on speed dating:

  • Men pay per hour for an all-you-can-eat buffet.
  • The girls eat for free.
  • For guys, it’s 1500 yen for the first 30 minutes, plus a 10-minute extension system.
  • There are also coupons and discounts available that can make it cheaper. 

You are essentially paying for dating. Not ideal. In terms of talent quality, there are often some cute girls in Aiseki-ya. On their website, they even have a section on success stories. Some couples that started out here have recently even married. 

Check out Aiseki-ya’s app, too. You can get discounts and special offers. More importantly, you can check out how busy each of their locations is. You don’t want to go when it’s half-empty—but the app lets you avoid waiting in line, too. 

And how about the food? Well, it’s not the very best restaurant in Tokyo, but, I know you are not going there just for the meal. 

By the way, the Aiseki-ya chain is also a great way to meet local friends. If you’re moving to Tokyo, it can be hard to find a fun social circle. Shared table restaurants like that are a fun opportunity. 

Tokyo Girls: Final Thoughts

Japanese women are pretty, feminine, and very caring. If you want to date one in Tokyo, you totally can. Check out the right places and avoid the stereotypical pick-up lines. Tokyo girls are not hard to impress. Besides, from street pickup to online dating, and matchmaking restaurants, you have a lot of options and opportunities. 

Good luck and remember to share your tips on dating and mating with Tokyo girls in the comments below!

~ Click here to join the #1 dating site in Japan ~

Click here for a free profile

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