Recently, and I don’t know how it came up, but my girl made me relive some childhood traumas.
And I’m going to tell you that story tonight.
So, when I was going into 7th grade, I switched schools to a private school. Because I was too awkward, shy, and socially stunted to handle a big public school. And in that private school, there was a cute girl.
She flirted with me a lot for the first few weeks.
And then, these mandatory dance classes started. They were absolute hell. There were 8 guys in that 7th grade class, and some 24 girls. And at that age, having to dance with every girl, all of the time – it was more than I could handle (and the other guys too). Basically, no fun whatsoever.
Well, this girl used those dance classes as a period to flirt even more with me. Rubbing up all over me in ways that were a bit inappropriate for that age, and just generally having a good time.
I loved it.
But one day, my lack of flirting skills went too far.
We were doing some dance that made us swing our arms back (one hand holding the girl’s outstretched hand, and you then swing the other arm back.
And, well, it was a small room that all 30+ of us were crammed into.
This girl happened to have just done one of her massive flirting sessions with me, and then was moving on to the next spot in line. That meant that her ass was in very close proximity to where my hand was going to swing.
So then she upped the ante.
She started swinging her arm back and whacking me on the back of the head, started stepping on my foot one purpose, and just having a grand ‘ol time.
I decided I’d get her back.
Do you want to know what I did next?
I know you do…
I swung my hand back with the general intentions of whacking her back, but instead…my hand ended up smacking her squarely on her asscheek.
The whole classroom heard it, she yelped, and from that point on you could say goodbye to my 7th grade social life.
This girl had one of those mothers who basically ran the school. So the next day, when I walked into the first class of the day (Algebra 2), no one would talk to me. Except for two kinda awkward-dorky guys, who became two of my best pals for the next couple of years.
And it stayed that way for quite a long time.
In many ways, I’m grateful. If I was a kid growing up now, in 2018…I’d probably be expelled or at least suspended for that situation. As it was, I got a stern talking to and social shame. That’d be a light sentence these days.
That girl actually has gone on to have (successful-ish?) acting career, from what I can tell. She’s appeared in one-off supporting roles in Agents of SHIELD and Desperate Housewives, among others.
Now, on to the pitch…
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