Well, up wraps another year of blogging. Each one is a little more successful than the last.
Here are my fifteen favorite posts on This is Trouble from 2015; no particular order.
While I’m not sure at this point if it has convinced me to get a new puppy (not that those were her intentions, she wanted me to be educated), it sure has provided me a lot of laughs as I realize that women are just like fucking canines.
I mean, from the second page of the book, the following are listed.
Annual Costs: In the case of women, costs must absolutely be considered. If you are a playboy, expect to dole out at least some money for drinks to get her into bed. Drinking gets to be a damn expensive habit when you’re hitting top end clubs all the time, unless you’ve got the hookups.
Scheduling Meals and Potty Training: A total pain in the ass in regards to dogs and women. In today’s world you would think it would be simple to set up dates. Text messages and other social media attribute to everyone constantly being on a communication device. But does it mean it’s easy to schedule dates? No. Sometimes you still get shit on (flaked) despite your best attempts.
Human Stress Factors: Solution for women and dogs: dominance. No, not “sexual dominance” on your dog, you filthy fucking pervs.
Neutering and Spaying: You better make sure she’s on birth control. Don’t raw dog; no pun intended.
Long-Term Commitment: That is the one thing women have an advantage in. You can take a girl out once and fuck ‘n chuck the skank. Dogs, not so much unless you’re a truly heartless bastard, and in that case fuck off.
Consider a Mature Dog: You know how older women are constantly saying how younger women are so immature? Always belittling you for choosing the younger, tighter, and hotter ass? Same holds true for dogs. Puppies are cuter than older dogs. However, unlike women, older dogs are not as much of a pain in the ass as older women. They’ll probably be more grateful, too.
The world has found it’s next Tinder knock-off, founded by three average-looking (at least they’re slim) but annoying-sounding Asian girls. While they seem to have some decent skills as far as computer engineering goes, their business skills are sorely lacking. They recently went on the entrepreneur show Shark Tank and turned down a (potential) thirty million dollar offer from Mark Cuban.
She says that she was selfish at 23, too. She said she grew out of it, and that I will, too.
It’s every girl’s dream to tame the “bad boy” – though I can barely call myself that with a straight face. The morality I grapple with is whether to even let a girl try. Once you’ve seen the other side, it’s hard to go back. When girls take two hour train rides to see youbecause you don’t give a fuck, it’s hard to go back to thinking from an unselfish standpoint. When selfishness gets you further than being a nice guy, it’s nearly impossible to think of your significant other in your relationship. Because in reality, making the selfish choice actually makes her more attracted to you. And you get to do what you want. Reap all of the benefits while staying away from the picket fence and midget porn.
19. The reputation California has is simply too great. Many people in the U.S. and throughout the world think of California has the best place on the planet – how could it ever live up to the expectations?
20. The salaries don’t scale. Yes, I make more than someone working the same job in Nebraska. However, this doesn’t make up for the fact that my living expenses are probably four times higher than an engineer in Nebraska. The numerical value of salaries seems awfully high, but doesn’t scale that well towards the cost of living.
21. Because of #20, the rat race is in full effect here. Always gotta buy more stuff, make more money. It’s hard to get out.
Joss Whedon, director of the Avengers movies, deleted his Twitter. Why? Because feminists were all up in arms over his portrayal of a female Marvel character. Feminists have sent me death threats plenty of times before, so it’s no surprise that someone with the acclaim as Whedon would be torn to shreds – despite the (as usual) poor reasoning behind the cause.
Armed with all of the knowledge I possess in regards to how men and women really work, I’m left to draw a simple conclusion as to why Whedon is receiving so much hatred for his betrayal of Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff. Simply put, Avengers: Age of Ultron (as well as preceding Marvel films) put her in a natural and feminine support role of men.
Men are simply the stronger sex. Note that I didn’t say superior sex, but they are physically stronger. There’s a reason that the military fitness tests for women are a fraction of what men have to do.
“Random question lol but necessary…are you bringing “protection”?”
Just got to work out the logistics. I figure worst case I’ll bang her in the car or get a cheap motel for the night.
I get to the bar, and seek her out. She goes for a hug, but instead I just grab her and kiss her. The look in her eyes was just pure lust and shock. She looks fantastic. This girl is about 5’1″ and, come to find out later, literally weighs 87 pounds. The only catch?
Her shirt is literally a cat’s face. Like, the entire thing except the sleeves. Hence the title of this post. Come to find out, she’s also got pussy tattooed on her. Good lord, I think I’ve hit the crazy jackpot. But I’m willing to excuse the shirt considering it’s not covering her entire stomach and all I can imagine is busting a nut all over her belly.
And of course, the follow up to the field report.
- Why men are unhappy – we are meant to build
- What is happiness? Can we quantify it?
- How do you quantify if you’re being the best you can be? It’s simple…ask yourself one question (below)
- The 4 Pillars of Self Improvement: Fitness & Health, Money & Career, Experience, Relationships
- Balance in life is necessary (read the section on female relationships for a better understanding)
- It’s okay to fail, as long as you get up and become stronger for it.
But I was still kind of a dork who couldn’t grow a full beard.
Finally got a kiss and got my wiener touched when I was a month away from turning 19. Then…I ended up dating her for nearly two years, and lost all the self confidence I’d accrued since losing the weight. She was a pretty girl on the dance team at school, and I just liked the status of being with her.
But we never had sex.
In fact, I went eight entire months of a year and a half relationship without getting my dick touched. She just wasn’t “ever in the mood”, always “had headaches”, you know – the usual crap that married men get pulled on them. However, I’d been told my whole life that it’s simply how it was. At least she was gorgeous though, and though I was a dweeb, I was shooting out of my league.
For the girl who’s getting too comfortable: A gym membership.
For the girl you’re cheating on your girlfriend with: A nondisclosure agreement. Maybe amouth gag.
For the girl who is cheating on her boyfriend with you: iBlacklist. No, I’m not kidding. You’ll need to jail break her phone though.
For the girl you’re about to break up with: A scrapbook of all the good times together, bundled with a box of Kleenex.
For the girl you’re trying to get to break up with you: A blender. My dad got my mom this one year for Christmas. If looks could kill…
For the girl you’re in an open relationship with: A douche to clean all of the other men’s semen out with.
31.) Show up after her. Yes, there’s a good chance she’ll be at least fifteen minutes late. Hang out in another bar and wait for her to tell you she’s there. Then tell her you’ll be there in five. Proceed to show up ten minutes later. Hopefully she’s already ordered a drink for herself, you cheap bastard 😉
32.) Exception to 31: You know the staff and can have fun bullshitting with them to get yourself warmed up. This also allows time for a free shot and to pick the best seat in the house.
33.) Never sit across. Always next to each other. Think it’s weird to sit next to someone at a booth for dinner? A first date should never be dinner.
34.) Chumps buy dinner. Chumps don’t get laid. Yes, there is a direct correlation.
Time to go to to bed, finally. I climbed into bed exhausted, and immediately fell asleep. But for the time being, I was happy with what I had accomplished that evening. You know how people eat, sleep, and breathe their passions? I was doing the same thing. I was working my way towards a huge goal and wasn’t going to stop. Nobody could get in my way, not even my father knocking on my door in the middle of the night, begging me to stop abusing my poor teenage body with Mountain Dew and Doritos (wish I’d known about Steak & Eggs then) and to get some proper rest.
What was this goal I was working towards? Starting my first company? Learning how to program at a young age?
No, the goal I was working towards was to become High Warlord of the Horde on the World of Warcraft’s Lightning Blade server.
If that doesn’t make a girl’s vagina shrivel up and die, I don’t know what will.
It was estimated by the game’s developers, Blizzard, that .1% (that’s point-one percent, not 1%) of all players would achieve the High Warlord status. I’ve always had a good work ethic, and this was no exception. I go big or go home, and I was determined to conquer the World of Warcraft realm at all costs.
On paper, I’m supposedly every girl’s dream.
I date above average girls, but I work to do so. Nor can I date cute 7s with relative ease, either. It’s still work. It’s work to get them out on a date, it’s work to get them to bond to me, and work to build anything of substance with them. Perhaps not surprisingly, sex is probably the easiest thing to obtain with them provided you can put up with the gossipy nonsense spewing from their mouth. And sure, easy sex is great and all, but…it’s just not the same. It’s hard to get excited about yet another date where you might get your dick wet, knowing full well that you’re simply entertainment for the evening. The woman you’re going out with has no inclination to pursue anything of deeper meaning with you, because as Maverick said – she never plans to settle down.
This is drastically different in comparison to foreign women, who will make a strong effort to build something deeper with you.
…the US style of opening which I often utilize doesn’t work. Admittedly, I probably play monkey man more often than I should in the US – but it seems to be what works for me best here; as a shorter guy I often need to simply get my foot in the door and then let my conversation/game skills take over from there.
Overall though, you definitely don’t need to run the same level of asshole/player game to get laid as you do in the US. Some of the Hungarian girls don’t speak English well enough to understand the sarcasm that is a huge part of our communication here in the States. In addition to that, Hungarian girls are simply nicer. You will find yourself not being an asshole simply because they don’t open any doors for you to do so. On the contrary, American girls throw so many repeated shit tests at you it’s easy to just smash it out of the park by making fun of them.
Hungarian girls are vastly different simply because they won’t belittle you as a way of making their own pussy wet. This doesn’t mean you can be less of a man, but it does mean you can lean back and play a little more “nice guy” game with them with the same success.
I was told pretty sternly after the second night together, “Do not go out to be with other women.”
Of course it didn’t stop me.
But to an extent, it’s well-known throughout the world that Latin women can be a little coo coo for cocoa puffs. The good news is that it’s way easier to handle a girl that’s obsessed with you with proper harem management techniques. Far easier than trying to generate attraction. And as long as you play your cards right, you’ll have a loyal, home-cooking, sex-needing submissive kitten.
But he can’t tell her that he wants to shoot his sticky shit into the nubile twats of just-legal teenagers. Because girls get feelings. She is biologically programmed to pair bond. To latch on to him and every remaining resource. Tie him down and only let him out in the minivan to pick up the kids. Leave a shell of himself at the altar along with his nuts in a jar; along with a note: to be returned upon death.
So for the time being, she shrugs off the fact that he has other women, attempting to convince herself that she will win him over eventually…
He pulls her close and strokes her hair. Whispers sweet things in her ear. Savor the moment. Nothing lasts forever. He does all this despite knowing full well it’s only a matter of time until he breaks her heart.