There is an important phenomenon out there that I think many of my fellow men can relate to. For simplicity’s sake, I’m simply calling it…
The Bliss Test.
(This article originally appeared here.)
It occurs during a period that otherwise seems great when you’re in a relationship with a girl. So good, in fact, that you as the man do something “big.” This could be one of many things that signify a reasonably significant step forward in the relationship. The key point is that it’s also reasonably far off into the future.
Some examples of this are, in order from least to most significant:
- Planning a trip together to a foreign country
- Moving in together
- Getting engaged
- Actually going through with the engagement and get married
Because it’s going to hit home with the most amount of people, let’s stick with the first one—planning a trip together. Let’s say it’s your first ever trip as a couple. If you’re stuck in the 9-5 rat race, you obviously have to plan it in advance. If you live in the United States you can’t just hop on a plane and head to the Mediterranean on a whim.
Let’s say you plan it three months in advance, which is probably a bit on the short end. So you book the trip. You tell her. You’re both excited and looking forward to it.
Then The Bliss Test Starts
Despite you doing something nice, and everything seeming quite harmonious, her shit tests for you rise into the stratosphere.
All of a sudden, nagging becomes a daily occurrence instead of weekly. If she didn’t nag before, you can rest assured she’s now going to start. She becomes more moody and irritable. She’s testing you. Even if you’re still holding frame, and nothing has really changed, she has this unrelenting desire to test you now that she has a firm commitment of something reasonably far off in the future.
I have no idea why women do this. I simply understand that they do it. Every. Single. Time.
My best guess is that it’s simply to see how strong you are as a man. How much crap you will tolerate to remain in harmony given that you have made a commitment well into the future and dropped significant coin on said endeavor? The Med is not generally a cheap region, ya know.
From a biological standpoint, I understand why women test men. To see if you are strong enough to withstand their hurricane of emotions, moods, and the general turmoil of their life. You must be able to deflect it and stand strong. But, looking at pure biology—I don’t get it. The resources are already there, provisioned for her. Clearly if you booked the trip, you are a man who can provide to an extent. It should be a lot of fun, and a new adventure.
So why all the tests? She shouldn’t be trying to bait you into un-provisioning those resources for her. But that’s exactly what she’s doing. Effectively shooting herself in the foot. Even if you know how to handle all these tests and swat them away like the annoying insects they are, it’s still going to change things. In the back of your mind, you’re always going to have this rooted feeling that she’s a bit unappreciative. These tests do nothing for her but make you lose respect for her.
Again, I don’t have all the answers. Please, do leave a comment below if you have a deeper understanding of this than I do.
While I’ve used a reasonably simple trip to Europe as an example of this issue men face, let’s look deeper. I’ve seen quite a few of my friends get married in recent years (most older than me). While it’s fairly well established that marriage is a raw deal for most men in Western countries, many men still take the plunge. That’s because the relationship up until marriage is relatively blissful.
It’s after the vows that things start to come unraveled. The tests increase in intensity and frequency. Of course, at that point a man is locked in.
What this comes down to is that you can never truly let up and “stop” gaming. This is reasonably well-known game knowledge. However, many people believe that it’s their specific girl. That’s she’s a bitch, and you should just dump her. But, I’d like to offer up a slightly different theory.
Even when you give a woman what she desires (trip, engagement, marriage), she is going to continue to test you because that is what she is as a biological specimen.
What I’m saying is that yes—All Woman Are Like That.
It has nothing to do with her personality, albeit if she’s a bitch it’ll be even worse. No, from significant amounts of my own experience as well as observation, I think it’s a reasonable conclusion. If you give them what they want they turn around and make life more difficult as a result of you doing something nice for them.
It doesn’t matter how good your game is or how you have the relationship set up. That does impact the result as she does test you, but no matter what she is going to test you after you make a major commitment.
What Comes Next
Nuke the tests into the stratosphere. There is only one thing to do. That is to truly not care. Do not let her emotions and swings effect you. Laugh the tests off the face of the planet. Just do you. Trust me, plenty of girls out there in the world would love to go to Italy.
If needed, you can absolutely revoke the major commitment. All the way up to divorce. Most men simply don’t have the balls to stop the marriage from happening in the first place. And once “I do” has been said, it’s all over because the courts are involved.
From experience, it seems The Bliss Test is something every girl does. So you just play the cards you’re given. Sometimes you just have to accept the world for how it is.
The best way to tackle modern dating is to take the power back and go on lots of dates. Cracking OkCupid teaches you how. And it’s on sale, right now.