“So…there’s this guy at work that really likes me.”
Here we go again, I thought to myself. This was nothing new for me, I was used to all sorts of men hitting on and trying to get into my girlfriend’s pants. What could I really expect though? I was at one of the biggest, sluttiest party schools in the country and my girlfriend was a member of the dance team. While the occasional dance/cheerleader and football/basketball team parties made me a bit nervous (in hindsight, I probably should have been more worried), for the most part I was pretty secure in my relationship with her. She certainly was more needy with me than vice versa, so when she told me stuff like this I usually just shrugged it off.
Things were rocky in our relationship though.
After a year and a half of legal torture, I was still with this succubus. I just couldn’t break free. Anyone that says to think with your upper head, not your lower head, probably has never been laid. And when the girl you’re enamored with is the first girl to ever touch your penis, well, it’s a recipe for disaster.
I begrudgingly responded to her very out-of-the-blue comment. “Oh yeah? Which of those nerds is it this time?”
She works at fucking Best Buy. There’s nothing to be worried about.
“Well…it’s Edgar.” (I think that was it, but I honestly can’t remember what it was other than it was a Mexican name)
I’ve heard that name before…
“Kyle, you know things have been rocky between us lately. I’m feeling distant from you…”
Uhh…where is this going? Uh-oh…
“So, I wanted to see if you would be okay if I went and hooked up with him…and hopefully it will reestablish the spark between you and I.”
I was absolutely dumbfounded. Here I was in a sex-less relationship, yet the other part of that relationship was totally okay with explicitly asking permission to get some outside of the relationship. My girlfriend had not touched my penis since June of the previous year, when I got a crappy handjob on our anniversary. Even my birthday had passed without any action. We’d even lived together for three months and probably spent 95% of nights together. I had admitted defeat, with the impression that a man in a relationship was surely relegated to a life of jerking it into tube socks instead of getting assistance from his lover. It was now January of the next year.
Again, first girl to ever touch my wiener.
“Umm…sure, I guess. When are you going to see him?”, I asked.
“Probably Wednesday after work we’ll hang out.” (it was Sunday)
“Okay. Whatever. Don’t talk to me until then.”
That was it. I had officially given permission to my girlfriend, who claimed she loved me with all of her heart, to go and hook up with some other dude. As needy as she was, she actually left me in piece until Wednesday came around, and texted me in the morning asking how I was doing. I’d enjoyed having two days without her pestering me, so I simply told her I was fine and that I’d talk to her later. Finally, she texted me later in the evening, stating that she loved me and she couldn’t believe she had the idea to do this. She told me nothing happened, she would not do anything, and that she wanted to come see me as soon as the movie at his place finished.
Apparently the movie with him was more important than me. Again, I wasn’t the brightest 20 year old.
She drives over to my place and lets herself in. She’s absolutely sobbing. After I get her calmed down, she explains that when she went to leave, he gave her a hug, and went for the kiss. Apparently their lips met until she pushed him away, and that was that. I rest assure her that it’s okay, I forgive her. She’s relieved, and spends the night. No, still no action.
Thankfully I started to wise up shortly after this. I still stayed with the girl for probably another week or so, but eventually we had another fight and we came to the mutual conclusion we should take a break. I was a coward, and couldn’t break up with her, so this is exactly what I needed. Once I’d had a week free of the succubus, I started to feel kind of relieved. At about that same point, I wanted some of my stuff that was at her house back. She brought it over and asked to come in and talk. I managed to stay strong, despite her attempts to amend things, even going as far as saying that she wanted to get back together. I did not cave. When she got up to say goodbye, she went for the kiss.
I turned my head away. She missed my lips and landed on my cheek.
Everything changed in the matter of seconds. All of a sudden, I felt all power shift to me. I no longer needed her, or wanted her. I knew in that moment…moving on was going to be hard, but that I was going to end up okay. She texted me again five minutes after she left saying that she would always love me.
I deleted the text, set my phone to silent, and went to sleep.