I was laying in bed with my girl the other night, and had a bit of a situation. It was the type of situation that would have had a drastically different from reaction to me as recent as one year ago. The reason my reaction is different now is because dating and living abroad is so much different than Stateside.
I could tell she was stressed. She’d had an exam, and generally spent the whole day being flustered. I’ve learned that sometimes, it’s best to just let girls be girls.
They’re going to procrastinate on getting ready, be late for things, and generally run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off—no matter how many times you tell them to just start getting ready five minutes earlier.
(Note: this is drastically different from when she wastes your valuable time and is late for events with you. That is a whole other matter of discipline needed. But when it’s just her? I prefer to let the chicken run.)
Like I said, I could see she was stressed. I hadn’t really said anything about it all day. I decided to ask what was up and what she was stressed about.
She told me life was stressing her out a bit. She’s living away from home for the first time. She said doing all the housework, laundry, and most of the cooking is very stressful. She also said that she is still learning how to handle all of this, as usually her parents have been 100% responsible for these tasks.
Now, a year ago, my response would have probably been, “Shut up and do the laundry.”
And on paper, it’s somewhat reasonable.
After all, those household tasks are her responsibility. They’ve been delegated to her, she knows it, and is aware of it. And I mean—laundry shouldn’t be all that stressful.
But I didn’t tell her to shut up and do the laundry. I took a deep breathe, and analyzed the situation with a rational mind.
No, she wasn’t being logical—but women never are. She is very feminine, and sweet. Sometimes those adjectives go hand-in-hand with “fragile”. Fragile not in a bad sense. She’s tough as nails in many ways. But fragile in a sense that she is a feminine girl, slightly scared of the world, and who can sometimes get emotional.
[eafl id=”12831″ name=”T&T” text=”With a Western girl”], my “Shut up and do the laundry,” shtick probably would have made her panties wet. She would had shut up, done the laundry, and then milked me dry.
That’s because they’re not feminine girls. They’re craving to be feminine (and do tasks like laundry), so they act in a masculine way to be put down. But with many of the girls in other parts of the world (like Southeast Asia), it’s a really bad response.
So what did I do?
I just pulled her in, gave her a hug, told her everything would be okay. I stroked her hair and told her she was doing great, that she didn’t need to worry. That was it. She smiled, curled up under my arm for a few minutes, and that was that.
It’s 7am as I write this, and she’s still in bed. By today, she’ll likely have forgotten all about our little talk. What matters is that I was the pillar of strength for her, no matter how minuscule the reason.
The next time she has a little stress like this, she knows I’m there for her. This also means that she probably is less likely to stress about it, in general. A woman who knows where her relationship status quo stands is a happy woman. She knows she doesn’t need to stress about these small things, because I’m not. She also knows that I’m by her side if she has a more major crisis.
Again, my response to all of this just one year ago would have been so different. I’m not saying I’ve even changed that much—I’ve just had to tweak my overall dating outlook for a Slavic culture and not an American one.
But, I think most of you reading this can agree that, “Shut up and do the laundry” would be a very effective response in the western world. And I think most of us can also agree that that is really, really sad.
PS: If you want more 1-liners like the laundry bit to use on western girls, check out my book [eafl id=”12363″ name=”King’s Code” text=”King’s Code.”]
“And I think most of us can also agree that that is really, really sad.”
I agree. Seems like a man has to deliberately act insensitive and crude to Western girls.
I liked how you responded to the laundry situation. You gently encouraged her and also reassured her to preserve in her feminine role without being too blunt. In my book, this is certainly a sign of a healthy relationship. Great response.
Does your Ukrainian girl live with you by the way or does she just regularly visit you?
Thanks, yeah – someetimes it’s best to just stfu and let the hamster do it’s thing, ya know.
Hi Trouble. I’m a girl from Brazil. I came to know your work from Return of Kings.
This is probably the nicest and kindest thing I ever read being a nosy chick on boys’world.
You’re so freaking right. And from the bottom of my heart I wish you both a happy life together. A lasting love and a family. You both deserve it.
I just want to add something: outside developed countries, we know how hard life is for real reasons. That creates two outcomes: you either try to lie by adhering to developed world fantasies such as feminism, ‘carrerism’, dull relationships, or you take your suffering and grow the fuck out of it. In growing, you start having respect for yourself and others. You treasure what really mut be treasured. You grow stronger and kinder the same way. I learned this things the hard way. I once tried to become free from suffering by acquiring male traits. I lost my joy and started seeing the world as a battleground and people as evil. They are. But then I decided I would be kind, feminine, fragile and also get my shit together. Study what I love (economics), go to Church, reconcile with my family, and acquire true virtue, which is universal for both sexes: discipline, courage, truthfulness. Being true implied admitting being fragile. The world now makes us women ashamed of the truth, of being kind, naive, fragile. For the most part of my life I believed it was my duty to pretend to not be fragile. It was the only way of surviving. When I was so hurt, so unaware of who I really was, I decided that I would start being honest. Being fragile. Even if it was alone in my bedroom at night. But I would never ever EVER be ashamed of my nature again. And as I must do my duties anyway, I will do my duties being kind, honest and fragile. And the mean girls and weak men who mocked me either for my fragility, for my honesty and also took advantage of me for both would be gone forever.
Some women, of unlucky families or countries, grow up believing pretending and toughening up is the only way to survive. After a true growing period, you leave this lie behind and find true freedom in being fragile.
Other women, more priviledged, spend their lives fighting an imaginary war for validation, to feel that they are somehow brave. This road only needs to bitterness. I don’t fully blame them at this point of history because being fragile takes a lot of honesty and isolation. People will mock you. Feminism was a one-way ticket and nobody knew it back them. Now, girls feel that it was a one-way ticket but can’t verbalize it because they see no other life as possible. Living the lie at least brings them company. I blame the women who stood silent and let other girls, younger girls, believe the tough-up lie as I once believe.
Our grandmother were kind and strong, but nobody talks about them. Only about how they were losers.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for loving the femininity in your girl. She has been through a lot to keep it alive inside her. Inside her heart.