Not too long ago, I had a date planned with a girl – but a bit different than usual.
She wanted to meet at 10am for a coffee before class, or something.
Since I set my own schedule, I agreed to it. Especially in a place like Eastern Europe, where it usually takes 3 (or more) dates to get a girl into bed. In these cases, it’s not a big deal for me to put some face time in during the day.
I agreed to it.
STRIKE ONE
However, at 9:21am she texted me telling me that she couldn’t make it and was sorry. Naturally, I asked why.
“Because I just woke up!”
I mean, at least she apologized. But that’s a piss-poor excuse. If you make an appointment to meet someone, you keep it unless something urgent comes up. Not waking up in time is not an excuse. However, every player learns that girl’s don’t necessarily follow the same code of ethics.
I wasn’t upset.
I just kept working on what I was doing.
Then she asked if we could meet at 1:30pm instead. She seemed offering to make it up to me, so I agreed. Usually it puts them in a bit of a chasing position.
STRIKE TWO
At 1:27pm, I closed my laptop, walked out my front door, and down to the park where we were supposed to meet. At 1:30pm, I sat on the bench and took out my phone. Nothing.
At 1:35pm, I looked at her text thread and saw that she hadn’t been online for an hour. She hadn’t read my latest text (which was confirming the new time).
At 1:40pm, I left.
In most cases, I would have attempted to call or text and ask how long she was going to be, but I don’t do it in the case of a reschedule like this.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…
At 1:55pm, she texted me that she had arrived and where I was. I responded by telling her I’d already left. When she pressed as to why I simply told her that she disrespected my time twice and wished her good luck.
I didn’t bother lecturing her on how she should be respectful of time. I didn’t waste my breathe getting angry.
I just walked away.
When you learn how to walk away, you develop an abundance mindset that just makes life so much easier.
MY USUAL RULES WHEN SHE DISRESPECTS MY TIME
I figure someone will be curious, so I’ll elaborate.
If it’s a first date with a girl, and she’s late, but KEEPING IN TOUCH, I’ll stick around. Probably up to half an hour. Sometimes traffic, or shitty public transportation, also gets in the way.
More than a half hour, and I’m walking.
If she hasn’t bothered to text or call and let me know that she’s late, I’d leave after about twenty minutes.
In this case, where she had already rescheduled once, and then STILL couldn’t be bothered to send me a simple text saying she was late, you can see that I walked away after ten minutes. Someone who is that disrespectful of common courtesy is not a girl I want to spend any time with.
And, you shouldn’t either.
Cheers,
Kyle
P.S: In order to have the ability to walk away from dates like this, you must be able to date and keep girls. It’s how the whole attitude develops. Here’s how you can do it, too (24 hours left to get it at at this special low rate).
Good post, but I disagree a little. Maybe Colombia has made me way too lax in this regard. I just expect a girl to be late and flake. That’s why it’s important to schedule 2-3 dates a day. After the first fuck, this lax nature goes away and she either plays by my rules or we never speak again.
Colombia definitely is an exception because you really have no choice whatsoever.
And in some places there’s just not enough girls to schedule 3x a day.
But regardless if a girl did that to you after already rescheduling you’d stick around for how long? Keep in mind this isn’t a straight to the apartment deal like we were pulling off in Barra 😉
I’d probably invite her straight to my place if she showed up after I had left (your situation). If she wasn’t willing to do that, I’d ignore her.
Yeah, key key difference there.
They’ll never come straight up and over in EE.
I am in general agreement with your rule. But it kind of looks like butthurtedness. You could have taught her an important lesson if you just said “don’t stand me up again” after the first time. Maybe she was testing you, or just thought she could do as she pleased. Probably you setting her straight the first time would moisten her nether region. “Oh, look, a good man who won’t put up with my sheet.” The letting her do it twice brought about predictable results. A third time standing you up. Whereas she might have, MIGHT have, straightened up after the first time if you had laid down the law then. Then if she stood you up a second time, and she did, you wouldn’t have to put up with it a third time. No universal solution, just some thoughts.
There wasn’t a first stand up time. Good lord I’d never go out with a woman who stood me up.
First time was a flake the morning of.
I don’t have the time or energy to bother teaching women lessons, but that’s just my motto.
Agree Kyle my and any mans time is to damn valuable for a woman who isn’t going to respect it. There is always another who will. I’m not exactly a patient man and after about ten minutes I’m already texting another girl or friends to hang out.
Best mindset to have!
Ever since I started respecting my time, I don’t tolerate when other blatantly disrespect it. I like how you handled it with no hard feelings at all. I’d usually get mad and try lecture a girl about it. It always falls on deaf ears and make me look like the crazy one so I don’t even bother with that any more. Like you said “someone who is that disrespectful of common courtesy is not a girl I want to spend any time with”.
Good post
Thanks! Yes, the best way to do it is to just let it go. Trying to lecture and explain bad manners rarely does an ounce of good.
Guess she’s just not into you.
Your trolling’s bad.
Guess you’re just not into my comments.
I love this post because it’s spot on not only for this specific context but also all areas of life. Self-respect is undervalued. And what you are illustrating in this story is just a base level of self-respect which most people don’t even have.
You demonstrated humility in giving second chances, not getting hot-headed or angry, and also demonstrated poise and esteem in deciding enough was enough. Finally, you had the wisdom to understand that people with bad manners don’t care what others think or they would have had better manners to begin with.
Given the circumstances, I think you handled yourself like a boss and every human being, not just aspiring players, could learn something from this post.
Thanks man, that means a lot.
I would say to an extent that this is even true for friends who are men. You’re right. It’s applicable to all areas of life. Not just girls and game.
As always, moderation in all things.
Being Mr “How dare you disrespect my valuable time, don’t you know who I am, you are 10 minutes late, I am now texting 23 other girls!” is just as bad as Mr Doormat, just in a different way.
I think from what you said, you handled it about right, although perhaps could have waited the full half hour.
You’ve got to remember, until that first physical meetup, you’re just another dude hitting on her in online space. You’re not real. So sure, it’s a bit rude, but she may be a bit flaky, may turn up a bit late with no excuses.
Once you’ve got her there though, and you can work your magic in person, odds are she’s suddenly going to become a lot more interested, and will not show up late or without communication to subsequent meetings.
(I assume this was a first date. It’s not cool for a second date, for the reasons given above.)
Being a doormat shows lack of self-respect. Having *excessively* over-the-top standards about “your valuable time” shows insecurity though.
It is such a fine line, and this is an excellent comment.
The question then becomes though — yes, this was online. But if I’d picked this girl up during the day or at night, does that change things?
Too complicated for most newbies.
Much better to have one umbrella rule of thumb and stick to your guns.
If she had simply texted me for the second meet and UPDATED me that she was gonna be late, I would’ve stuck around. It was the lack of courtesy that made me walk so quick.