Last updated: June 15, 2014

Respecting A Girl After Sex On The First Date

Women

59  comments

I just can’t do it.

I should probably sleeping with girls on the first date so that maybe I can give myself a chance to build something with a cool girl.  At the same time though, why should that stop me, if given the chance?  If she gives it up to me on the first date, there’s a good chance I’m not the first time that has happened.  My mindset is that I might as well push as hard, escalate, and run my normal game and see what happens.  If she shuts me down, I’ll have a deeper respect for her, because I’ll know that she values herself.  If she respects herself, it helps me respect her.  At the same time though, I’m simply unwilling to wait too long to have sex with a girl simply because there is no point.  I have no desire to go out with a dozen dates with a girl only to find out she’s terrible in bed.  I think if a girl made me wait 3-5 dates, I would be okay with it (granted, she’d have to be pretty damn cool).  However, we would need to be moving in the direction of intimacy.

To think about this and put it in some context, I thought of the last 10 girls I’ve slept with.  Below are the numbers, how long it took to bed them, what we did, and how I felt about them after…

  1. We went on one date.  It was mediocre.  A few days later we were both drunk.  I took a cab to her place and we had sloppy drunk sex.  Never spoke to her again.
  2. First date after two beers.  We went out a couple more times cause she was cool.  She was also bi-polar and an alcoholic…never called her after our third date.
  3. First date after no alcohol consumption.  Never spoke again.
  4. First date, no alcohol.  She was a cool girl and I’ve written about her before.  I wish she had made me wait.
  5. Blowjob on the first date, sex on the second.  Would’ve been on the first if not for bad timing.  We had no chemistry beyond the bedroom.
  6. First date.  In a park.  She liked it when I choked her.  Thought she was kinda ditzy.
  7. Shut me down on the first date.  Banged the second.  Still seeing her.
  8. First date in the car.  Still seeing her.  Not relationship material.
  9. First date.  Don’t respect her.
  10. First date.  Anal.  No respect.

So, as you can see, I don’t really respect the ones that do put out on the first date.  I think it bothers me, too, when they’re so into being spanked, choked, and doing filthy things with me right off the bat.  I guess I want to meet a nice girl, who, when I have sex with her for the first time, is a little embarrassed, and isn’t  calling me Daddy and asking me to do filthy things to her.  Someone who is, dare I say…modest?

A guy can hope.


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  1. In a weird kind of a way, I believe that this was a really helpful blog post to all women. It starts to get them in the mind set of a man and what a man thinks after he hits after the first date. I myself am a woman and I believe that sharing your experiences with other women you have bed, is a learning tool for women to keep it in their pants until a real, serious, committed relationship has taken place. Thank you! 🙂

    Reply

    1. Wait no! That’s not what I’m advocating. Well, it depends what kind of guy you want. If you want a “nice” guy…yeah, you can probably hold out for a while.

      Guys like me don’t wait though. I wouldn’t get into a relationship with a girl without having sex with her first.

      Reply

    2. I’m a guy. I go after what I want, and I want sex. Plus, I know that she, as a girl, will never initiate the first sex. Men have to pursue.

      In a way though, yes, it is a test. If she gives it up immediately, I will lose respect and take her less seriously as far as a long-term relationship. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

      Reply

      1. Have you ever stopped to consider that when women (WOMEN, not girls, as you insist on calling us) sleep with a man on the first date, it’s because we don’t like them much anyway and ALREADY didn’t respect them? It works both ways.

        Reply

  2. In a weird kind of a way, I believe that this was a really helpful blog post to all women. It starts to get them in the mind set of a man and what a man thinks after he hits after the first date. I myself am a woman and I believe that sharing your experiences with other women you have bed, is a learning tool for women to keep it in their pants until a real, serious, committed relationship has taken place. Thank you! 🙂

    Reply

  3. Have you ever stopped to consider that when women (WOMEN, not girls, as you insist on calling us) sleep with a man on the first date, it’s because we don’t like them much anyway and ALREADY didn’t respect them? It works both ways.

    Reply

  4. You still sleep with a guy if you don’t like or respect them? Sounds more like you don’t like or respect yourself. It does not work both ways.

    Reply

  5. You still sleep with a guy if you don’t like or respect them? Sounds more like you don’t like or respect yourself. It does not work both ways.

    Reply

  6. I used to feel this way about sex. However, as I have grown and been involved with serious relationships that have helped me explore my sexuality I have become comfortable with it. Sex isn’t something I throw out at any guy. In fact, I am interested in sex only when I am interested in the guy. It’s hard for me to say no because I in fact don’t want to when I’m attracted to their mind and body and things are heated. It’s a moment, and it should be enjoyed. If we’re both into it I don’t see the issue. For me at least, I respect myself completely and that’s why I only have sex with men whom I respect and admire as well. I have had sex on the first date twice in the last two months and I think its a shame that men think like this. They think they can try as hard as they want to “break” a girl…and once they “win?” that means the girl is a horrible person and not worth anything to you. That’s bullshit honestly. Grow a pair. you should respect a woman for who she is and not judge her for making the same freaking decision you did: to have sex. such a double standard. makes me sick.

    Reply

  7. This is not a situation of a double standard. Double standards only exist if the two things being compared are the same, or even similar. Men having sex on the first date is impressive, as women are the gatekeepers to sex. Women having sex on the first date is not impressive, as it’s easy; again, because they are the gatekeepers.

    We are not the same, and no amount of shaming, arguing, and griping will change that.

    Reply

  8. Wait a minute. Sex isn’t something you throw out at any guy? I only need to read 6 sentences further in your paragraph for you to debunk that delusion.

    “I’ve had sex on the first date twice in the last two months”

    I’m just going to bring you up to speed, if you’ve been sexually involved with two men in the last two months you are promiscuous, and the fact that you gave it up to them both times on the first date means that you are out of control. The fact that you perceive a double standard here means you are using an ill conceived equation of moral relativism to navigate your sex life. You seem unhappy with the result, so maybe it’s time to examine the pathology of your sexuality.

    It seems that you do not realize that it is incumbent upon men to use every weapon in their arsenal to try to bed the object of their desire in the most expedient manner possible. It is a matter of courtship. Women are ultimately the arbiter of who is a worthy sexual partner for them. If a man acts aloof and uninterested in sex, a woman will move on to someone who is. Our pursuit of sex is not to “break” anyone. Men who stand on the sidelines don’t get to play in the game.

    Conversely, since a woman is the one who decides who is a worthy sexual partner, when she makes that decision, it should be made with care. If a woman is incapable or unwilling to control her sexual appetite for one man, it is safe to assume that she will act in the same manner in the future. Fucking a guy on the first date is a bright, waving red flag that she is an unreliable partner. To consider a long term relationship with such a woman is a recipe for humiliation and heartbreak. I probably shouldn’t encourage you to disguise this tell without also encouraging you to modify your behavior.

    If you perceive a double standard, I implore you to reassess reality. Men have the responsibility to be the best they can be and the privilege of enjoying the spoils of achieving that goal. Women have the privilege of choosing the best among us. If you are seeking a relationship, you would be advised to exercise the responsibility that comes with your privilege. That is not to say that you cannot fuck with impunity. There are plenty of men and women that do. We live in a modern society which allows for that, but you cannot expect to find a stable, long term relationship with a good man by expeditiously sampling every willing cock in your metropolitan statistical area.

    If you are interested in a guy, respect him and yourself enough to hold out for a little while, and enjoy the courtship. If you are interested in no-strings-attached hookups, keep doing what you’re doing. You tell men to grow a pair, but it takes a real set of balls to walk away from a willing pussy that will only cause you trouble in the long run.

    Reply

  9. Some good perspective here. Went out on a concert date with a girl I’ve know a few months….been texting a lot…she ended up giving me a blowjob while i was driving and made me pull over and we had sex in the back seat…Now she is being slow to reply to texts…no way to know if she is promiscuous or we we really had great chemistry and she gave in…on also she had a LOT of beer that night..must hv made it easier for her…quite confused right now I am !

    Reply

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  11. Meh. Dunno. I don’t really go for sex on first dates as per Blackdragon theory. One of the few girl’s I’ve had sex with on a first date, fell in love with her. Attraction was just overwhelming from both sides. I know she also fell hard for me because her actions prove it time and again. I think that’s just prejudice.

    Reply

      1. Quite well actually. Just keep the date short and casual. Drinks or coffee, escalate kino at will, 1h and then split. Show up, be awesome, be gone. No patience required as you’re not gonna bang her in an hour usually (unless she’s totally and desperately DTF). Then bang her on the second date. ASD bypassed. Truth is, if you’ve got great game you’re gonna fuck a lot of girls on the first date if you set that up to happen, even girls that don’t usually do it. That’s no way of screening women.

        Reply

  12. Ha! I guess with this mentality, you are OK banging liars because we grew up with Sex and the City for christ’s sakes. Sure we can play the game and dance around your ego. And if you are younger, god help you. This new generation of women have come to save us from this lunacy mentality. Hold on to your fucking hats. Since you clearly suffer from NPD and lack empathy, I want to apologize on behalf of all the girls that must have rejected you in high school, but be the bigger person and don’t trap a girl into having sex with you just to reject them. From personal experience, I got the ugly duckling syndrome, super nerdy and awkward when male attention mattered, and now that I’m the “hot girl”, I have to suffer the wrath from guy’s like you. So basically, show some empathy, we all suffer rejection.

    Reply

  13. Honestly, this writing is ridiculous. Get over the fact that women are some kind of monolith and that we should all behave and submit to these absurd double standards of conduct. You never take any fucking credit or hold yourself accountable for your role in these dates / relationships. I’ve met a lot of eventual boyfriends that I partied with. They were cool enough to see past that, because no one is a fucking saint or perfect. Get the FUCK over yourself.

    Reply

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