A reader wrote in with the following story. This is a great lesson for other readers of This Is Trouble. Think between the lines.
I know you probably get this a lot, so I won’t be offended if you don’t want to spend time on this:
I met this girl, <redacted>, (in person) at a park last Saturday. Got her number and left after minimal conversation because I had to go. We texted quite a bit over a week, and then when we both had time, I asked her out again. I said “I want to see you again”. We made plans for a nice dinner out after she got off work.
Long story short, she flaked on me. Made up excuses of why she couldn’t meet (and now she’s out of town for 10 days). I know that your advice is probably that I need to forget her and move on, so I will. Just wanted to know if you had anything else to add.
Here’s some of our texts:
Girl: I have to do it at the laundry place because I don’t have a washer and dryer at my house… We can meet after? 8:55 PM
Me: I work tomorrow, so I don’t think so 8:57 PM
Girl: Well I have to do my laundry before I leave for a week it’s not a choice for me, so okay 8:59 PM
Me: I want to see you and talk more, but it’s bad timing. 9:02 PM
Girl: Okie dokes 9:02 PM
Me: How about I call you… Since you’re busy. Lol 9:05 PM
Girl: don’t like talking on the phone 9:06 PM (Ed note: there were about a dozen smiley emojis in this text)
Me: Wellll.. You’re not giving me much to work with here. We did talk in person.. 9:07 PM
Girl: Lol I’m sorry
I didn’t respond after that.
I won’t include previous texts, because there were too many, but I want to point out that I wasn’t chasing. She was asking me a lot of questions, including whether I had a girlfriend, personal stuff. I kept the conversation pretty light. The only time where I did kind of chase was when I volunteered to call her, which was a last ditch effort, I guess.
Thanks for your time.
You dropped the ball on this one man.
Firstly, why would you take a girl you just met out to dinner on a first date? Bad, bad, BAD idea. Automatically locks you into beta bitch provider mode, and dinner dates are never conducive to moving the interaction forward. You should always be doing something simple like drinks or coffee because they’re more conducive to touching a girl (no table right in the middle), there’s less pressure, and you can bail out if she’s boring.
So now that’s out of the way…she offered to reschedule – later that night. A girl who wants to meet later is a girl who wants to get dicked down. She offered you a better situation on a silver platter – since she was bailing on the original plans, you could have EASILY scheduled this at a bar right next to your place and had her come to you. She would have “owed” you. You could have made her buy the first round to make it up to you, too. This was one for the taking, chalk it up to a learning experience.
So yes, my advice is to move on past this girl, but you still might have be able to salvage it. However, it’s not a great chance, so don’t get all hung up on her. Hit her up a couple days after she gets back in town and just ask how the trip was. If she responds, set up a DRINK date (not a “nice” dinner), and escalate accordingly.
I mean, it’s pretty black and white in this situation. This reader and I swapped a couple more emails and he definitely seemed to have a “Oh…duh” moment, so I doubt it’s a mistake he’ll be making again.
Bottom line: the later you meet her for a date, the better. If she offers up a later time, take that shit to the bank.
Want more dates? Check out my latest work.