Overseas dating comes with its own set of challenges.
If you think it was going to be all about banging pretty girls and not worrying about feminazis…well, that’s just one side of it.
I’ve been dating (and living) abroad for a while now. In those years, I made my fair share of mistakes. I also have been unfortunate to witness a lot of other people make a lot of stupid decisions.
Despite that, there’s also plenty of success stories with happy endings (so far).
Here are 10 things I wish I knew when first dove into overseas dating. It’s important to note that there are always exception to these points. And yes, I’m making vast, sweeping generalizations that I’ve seen to be mostly true. Nonetheless, there’s always someone willing to go against the grain.
I don’t like this any more than you do. Some foreign girls are the shit. Others are just shit.
Your American passport and (hopefully) your income might attract some greedy women. The foreign gold-digger is, however, largely misunderstood.
Overseas dating is about a lasting partnership. No sane girl would date a guy that doesn’t have his life together. If all you do is laze around, play video games, and jerk off, you can’t get the high-value girls. This is not about gold-digging, it’s about dating a person with ambition and an actual future ahead of them.
Many foreign girls also consider if you can support a family. Once again, it’s not greed or gold-digging. If anything, it’s smart. After all, women abroad are not obsessed with being independent like some American feminazis are. Instead, they’re planning their future and trying to make it as happy as possible.
Love scams are so common in Russia that the US embassy has a nickname for them. They are called “Boris and Natasha scams”. Essentially, you think you’re connecting with a pretty Russian girl. In reality, though, it’s just a sleazy fat Boris, scamming you from his basement.
But no matter what the media writes on the issue, believe this:
Scams are stupidly easy to avoid.
Because they were made by stupid people for even more stupid victims.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that American guys are disappointed with the dating scene in their country. Some of them will look abroad. Most of those men will have a normal life and support system. If their family sees them sending thousands of dollars to a mystery Natasha, they will intervene.
But what if you target an older guy, one who lives away from his family?
What if he is divorced?
His children would be old enough not to live with him.
He feels lonely and abandoned.
Finally, what if he’s retired?
He has significantly fewer socializing opportunities.
There isn’t that much going on in his life.
He falls easy prey to the scammers.
That doesn’t mean that you can’t find love abroad as a retired divorcé. It means that you can’t be stupid about it. If you’re in a more vulnerable position, admit it. I’m not saying to shut yourself off from the connection. But acknowledge that people might try to play with your feelings to put a penny in their pocket. In fact, it’s not might. Someone out there will.
No, you don’t send money to people that you don’t know in real life. The same goes for expensive gifts. No, it doesn’t matter if her laptop suddenly broke, her mother suddenly needs surgery, or any other “emergency” which has been used over and over again. Do not send money. And always ask to video chat. It’s the easiest way to make sure you’re not being catfished.
If you spend $300 to “send flowers” to a girl, you get what’s coming to you. THINK. How much does it even cost to send flowers to an office in the United States?
Spoiler: Less than $100
So why does it cost $300 to send it to a girl in a country where the cost of living is 20% of the USA?
Here’s a better idea, if you really want to try sending flowers. Go on Upwork or a freelance site. Hire a local assistant to go buy and deliver the flowers. I bet you’ll get out the door for $30 or less.
Recommended Reading: Odessa Brides
Overseas dating is simple. You are seeing a girl? That means you’re often exclusive.
The shock and the horror!
But for real, foreign girls are not (as) interested in your games. Abroad, relationships are not feared. People are happy to be a couple. It doesn’t mean you have to get married. It means you like each other enough to be committed and not play games.
Just as a warning: don’t tell your foreign girlfriend ‘Let’s be exclusive!’ She will slap you and ask if you’ve been cheating so far.
You will have to get over your commitment issues if you want to date women abroad.
If you can’t change a lightbulb, you better learn. The women you meet abroad are not repulsed by gender roles. They embrace them. This means you have to fix things around the house and she will cook, clean, and take care of you. Dating overseas is not friendly to today’s modern soyboys. These are real women looking for real men.
Another cool thing about dating foreign women?
They don’t let themselves go.
You see that in American girls all the time. They land a man/husband and they turn into complete and utter slobs. The girls abroad respect themselves too much for that. You can count on a foreign woman to always look great for you!
Again, usually. As always, you need to take care of yourself and direct the relationship in the proper direction.
You can be as prepared as you want to. Read up on the dating culture, ask your girl, ask fellow travelers and expats. Still, at one point or another, you will fight for something ridiculous. It will completely be based on a cultural difference. I’m sorry but it will happen and it’s best to be prepared.
Also, if you want a piece of boring, clichéd, and very true advice, here goes:
Grit your teeth and bear it!
Love is a choice. Overseas dating is much better than dating in the US. If you want the perks, you will have to survive the low points.
This might be subjective. After all, you are abroad and it will feel like a vacation. You’d be going out more, partying more, and worrying less. It’s just the mentality. Maybe it doesn’t happen to everybody – but it sure did with me until I realized the fun couldn’t go on forever.
Still, I think dating foreign women is just intrinsically more fun. People in the US are over-achievers. You’d go to a house party and spend the entire evening listening to some kid humblebrag about his start-up. There is nothing wrong with hustling. In my experience, though, abroad it’s more about the quality of life.
This has been true in Europe and South America, and also from what I witnessed in Thailand. There are so many differences between dating a Latina and an Eastern European chick. The lifestyle and the values are not. Overseas dating is about getting the most out of life.
I’m not just talking about partying.
Girls abroad have actual interests and a passion for more than reality TV and clothes. They’re not as superficial + they don’t take themselves too seriously. It’s the perfect combination – you can have a great time, without worrying you will offend her self-righteous side. Win-win.
American girls don’t take care of themselves. This is a problem of its own. But I think women abroad are just naturally more beautiful. It’s not just me, either. Virtually every American guy I’ve met in Eastern Europe has been amazed by the quality of the girls.
This is a warning: once you date abroad, it’s hard to go back to boring valley-girl Americans.
Overseas dating is much more traditional than the US. Women want you to take them on real dates. Not drinks, not a casual hangout with your friends, a real date. The high-value women appreciate your effort and will put in effort themselves.
It helps that you can have a real conversation with a foreign girl. You’ll be surprised by how highly educated and curious about the world these women are. Well, there is one clue – they all speak at least two languages. In Eastern Europe, you’ll easily meet girls that speak three or four while still being hot and humble.
But if you want a girl like that, you have to actually date her.
Overseas dating is just that – many more relationships, fewer casual relationships, even fewer friends with benefits, nothing like that.
Foreign women consider it’s a man’s job to pay the bill.
There are exceptions, i.e. the Netherlands and Scandinavian countries, where the girls are very independent. For the most part, women will expect you to pay. Dating gets a bit pricier than it is in the States – though in most cases, the dollar advantage versus foreign currencies more than makes up for it.
Then again, the women are hotter and more interesting, so it’s ultimately worth it.
The unexpected consequence of this is meeting the family sooner than you’re ready for. Seriously, there are women that will invite you for dinner within weeks of dating. It’s ridiculous, you barely know her, how are you expected to impress her family?
Honestly, don’t worry about it. If you’re treating their daughter right, they will accept you with open arms. Slavic dads are not as scary as they’re said to be. Both myself and my numerous friends in Ukraine get along fantastically with all of our women’s dads.
Just don’t try to out-drink them, unless you have a liver transplant on hold for the day after…
Overseas dating is the likely future of many a western man.
The women are feminine, the experience is fun, and you’re appreciated for being a man.
Whatever cultural differences that comes with is a price worth paying.
For all of my posts about dating in foreign countries, click here.