The following is an excerpt from my book, Cracking OKCupid: The Modern Man’s Guide to Online Dating.
While this book is designed as a general guideline for how to handle your OKCupid search, there are unique situations constantly arising that don’t follow the “model” I’ve laid out. Of course, every part of game and seduction has its own grey areas, and it’s up to you to learn how to handle them and deal accordingly in a personalized way. In time, this becomes easy as you go on more dates, get more notches, and generally care less and less about the girls whose vaginas you are penetrating.
OKCupid Search – Frequently Asked Questions
In this chapter, I’m going to introduce you into some situations that don’t fall into the normal flow I’ve followed in the rest of the book. How often these occurrences happen will depend on what you ultimately decide to write on your profile, what you’re searching for on OKCupid, how good looking you are, and how the ratios are in your respective cities.
“What if she looks at my profile but doesn’t message me?”
It’s rare that an attractive girl will actively be searching for an OKCupid match. Most of the time, they will be too busy drowning in oceans of messages from hundreds of desperate dudes. However, it does happen! If she happens to click on your profile, but doesn’t say anything, send this opening message:
“Just looking at my profile, not gonna say anything? You are a perv, young lady.”
“Just looking but not gonna message me? Are you stalking me?!”
This immediately puts her in a defensive position, which, as you’ve already learned, is exactly where you want her to be. She is now chasing you. Attractive men are pursued by women. Unattractive men pursue women.
Most likely, she will write something back along the lines of:
“OMG haha, I never write first!”
To which you can make fun of her for being a chicken, tell her she needs to step her game up, or tell her you expect to be wined and dined before sleeping together. The possibilities are endless. The best part about this situation, is that if she clicked your profile, there’s a good chance she found you attractive. Again, between all of her messages, she chose to search for men, and then chose to click on your picture. There is a good chance that there is at least a little bit of attraction that you can take advantage of – spiking it up to your own advantage.
After the initial banter has passed, you can simply transition into your usual flow of messages and interactions.
A dirty little secret I’ll share with you is how to use this model as a way to build leads. As you’ve likely noticed, while are online you receive notifications in the bottom right hand corner of your screen when someone visits your profile or you receive a message. If you are searching for girls who are “Online Now”, as you should be,then you’ll realize that girls are getting the exact same notifications. Often, when a guy visits them, they’ll click the notification and immediately visit your page. They will rarely message you first, so use this to your advantage. Wait five to ten minutes, after you know she has had time to fall in love with your profile, and then throw the above openers at her calling her a perv or a stalker.
If she responds, and isn’t thick in the head, she’ll call you out for visiting her first and not saying anything. Most likely along the lines of:
“You looked at my profile first! You’re the perv!”
“You looked first so you must be stalking me.”
These are easy to beat shit tests which you can counter by simply agreeing and amplifying her statement.
“Yes, I am the world’s biggest perv.”
“Yes, I am totally stalking you, in fact I’m in front of your house right now in the white van.”
I like to call this tactic “baiting”.
“What do I do if we’re having a great conversation and she just stops responding?”
Truthfully, there isn’t a lot you can do. Sometimes the darnedest things will take your interaction from sky high to ground zero. All’s fair in love and war.
You should never try again more than once. Don’t be one of those guys who messages a girl five times in a row as to why she isn’t responding to you. At that point, you might ask yourself if you’re being a bit desperate, so I’ll answer it for you right now – you are being desperate. But sometimes, shit happens. Maybe she went offline and her mom died the next day, and didn’t log on to OKCupid for two weeks.
The best way to restart an interaction is to do so when she is online and most likely to receive your message in real-time, or as close to real-time as we can get. Don’t sit around all day hitting refresh on your browser, but as you clean up your messages every few days, take a peak and see if she’s online. If she is, the following message is a good option. It’s straight forward, to the point, and honest. I’m not one to send a second “canned” opener, it’s not worth if it she isn’t digging me from the start.
“Hey, you seemed cool and I’d kick myself if I didn’t try again.”
My response rate on this one is about 30-40%. Hopefully it works for you, too.
“She told me she’s dating other guys!”
Buddy, this is the 21st century, and this is online dating. She’s interacting with dozens of dudes a day, all of them doing the OKCupid search for their next lay. Yes, she is likely going to go on a date with a few of them at some point or another. Of course, a classy girl who is worth a relationship would refuse to tell you any of this, but it’s happening. Kill the jealousy.
Jealousy is an extreme demonstration of low value. A man who is already fucking three girls doesn’t really care if the new girl he meets has someone she’s been on two dates with, does he? Hell no. If your inner frame and confidence is strong enough, it simply won’t bother you. Sometimes though, you are better off just not knowing. Eventually the tolls of dating can wear down on the best of us, so if you are prone to going soft and getting jealous – simply don’t ask. If she tells you these things despite your protests, kick her to the curb.
“Should I lie about my age?”
My answer is…it depends.
I’m 23 years old, but much farther along in life than the average man my age in regards to career and overall maturity. I personally can’t stand going out with 18 year old girls whose greatest ambition in life, at the moment, is to go to spring break in Cancun. I get bored and irritated. Plus, the fact that I can’t take them out for a drink (sex fuel!) greatly hinders my enthusiasm for them, despite their nubile looks.
I suspect that when I’m a little older, I will generally just find all girls to be the same and will be able to better tolerate the 18 year olds. I much prefer dating girls my age or older at this point in my life. So, I’ve lied and run profiles with an exaggerated age. At times I’ve used one profile and spiked my age up to 25, and other times I’ve run two separate profiles – one with my real age of 23 and another saying I’m 27.
I strongly encourage you to read the chapter on the details box and figure out what is “within reason”. You can lie, but make sure it’s believable.
“Should I use the mobile app or my desktop computer?”
OKCupid has both a web interface that can be accessed from any browser, as well as an Android and iPhone application.
However, I strongly encourage you to use your computer with a full monitor (preferably two or three) for maximum efficiency. If this means that you have to dedicate a specific night to farm for numbers, so be it. The computer is much more efficient and productive than using your smartphone to copy and paste messages, scan profiles and questions, and more. Time is everything for a valuable man, which you’ll come to realize as you utilize this book and are going out on five dates a week.
That’s not to say that the mobile applications don’t have their place. It’s great to get notifications of responses throughout the day, so you can message back in a timely manner and keep the leads hot. It’s great if you work all day, since using your work computer to search OKCupid isn’t the best idea. It’s a fantastic way to escape to the toilet and fire off responses. How romantic is that?
Picking up girls while sitting on the toilet is a pretty standard occurrence in today’s world.
“When I try to log in to OKCupid it said that they’re having technical difficulties and to try again later. Now it’s been several more days and it says the same thing. What’s up?”
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you’ve been banned, player. It is rather inconsiderate for OKCupid to not bother informing you of this whether on the login screen or via email, but that’s their rights since they are providing a free service to begin with.
Why do people get banned? Frankly, OKCupid doesn’t need a reason to ban you – it’s their site to administer as they please. Most likely, you got banned for having multiple accounts (if you do this, use separate IP addresses), or perhaps inappropriate pictures and/or profile text.
“If I’m banned can I get unbanned?”
It has happened to me a few times, and my emails to the OKCupid staff requesting more information fell upon deaf ears. Most likely, it will be more work than it’s worth to try to get unbanned.
Instead, just create a new account. If you try this and receive the same “technical difficulties” error, take these steps.
1. Clear all history in your browser – cache, cookies, etc.
2. Delete all the files in your C:\Windows\Temp folder. If you are on a Mac with OSX, Google how to do the OSX equivalent.
3. Unplug your router and modem for 24 hours. This should reset your IP address.
4. Delete the app from your smartphone.
In the event you can’t go without your internet for a day, there are a few ways around the situation.
1. Using another computer will sometimes work.
2. Get a proxy server or VPN to change your IP. There are both free and paid versions out there. I like to use the “Cyberghost VPN” plugin, which is available on Chrome and Opera browsers. It will kill your bandwidth though, so keep this in mind.
3. I’m not a fan of Firefox or Internet Explorer, but there are alternatives for these platforms.
- When a girl takes a peak at you first, jump all over that. Think of it as a free IOI. It can generate a hot lead and reduce OKCupid search time because she’s in the chaser position.
- If she stops responding, you are free to try to re-engage her one time and one time only. Shit happens and OKCupid is not a girl’s priority at all times. Do not be desperate about it.