Last updated: January 4, 2015

Why You Should Not Go On That Second Date



It seems that a lot of people these days go on a lot of first dates. I did it, and had plenty to share about them if you browse through my archives. Gone are the days when you would just be “talking” to someone, then you would “hang out” and then eventually you would move on to a phase where you were dating and together. But now, unless you have specifically had a talk on monogamy, you can bet that sweet girl that you’re dating is still probably going on first dates.

Why wouldn’t she?

With all of the options such as Tinder, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and of course daygame and nightgame, an attractive girl has no shortage of suitors. However, just because you get your foot in the door and go on a first date doesn’t mean you should go on a second. It is easy to get in this situation. You meet a girl, go on a first date, but you just don’t really click. Sometimes, it’s awful tempting to try to tough out a second date just in the hopes of getting a fresh notch. We all have dry spells, but learning to simply delete these numbers and start anew is a key part of a player’s growth.


No girl who is not quality is worth any more of your time.

With that being said, I’m here to tell you that you should not go on a second date with that girl, no matter how easy you think she is going to be. Of course, this theory has plenty of grey areas, but went in doubt, you should always…

Trust your gut – always. If your gut feeling is telling you that you should not go out on another date with this girl, then don’t. You will try to “logic” yourself into asking her out again, but 9 times out of 10 it is best to go with your gut. This applies to almost anything in life, not just second dates.

In this instance though, your gut feeling could be a variety of things. Maybe she’s not as good as you remember the night you’d picked her up, when you were already five shots deep. Perhaps she seems a little off, like she might have a bit of crazy in her. Or, maybe she’s perfectly cute and doesn’t seem crazy, but you just don’t seem to click with her in that way. Sometimes that happens. She’s cute and seems fine on paper, but you just aren’t feeling it. This is called chemistry, as corny as it sounds. However, a truer version of chemistry is that you just don’t feel raw, primal attraction – not the bullshit “chemistry” that Cosmopolitan tells every girl when a guy she likes doesn’t call her.

Of course, when she seems fine on paper you want to just set up a second date anyway. “Maybe we’ll click better the second time around,” is an easy way to hamster yourself towards setting up a plan. And sure, maybe you guys will click more and jump into the sack, and you’ll have wasted tons of time just to get a nut. I did this so many times in the hopes of this happening, and while it did once in a while – most of the time I ended up so bored on the second date I was looking for an escape route rather than trying to move the seduction forward.

When I was new to game, I just wanted one thing – notches. I was unable to grasp the concept of opportunity costs in terms of game, and I reckon that plenty of aspiring playboys out there are in that same boat. If you never took an economics class, opportunity cost is what you give up in order to pursue something (note: this is the “player’s definition”).

So if you go out on a second date with that girl who you’re truthfully just “meh” about – you are thereby giving up the opportunity of taking out a new girl. If not taking a new girl out, then you are losing a night of opportunity to hit the club and meet someone new, for example.

Opportunity cost should always be considered when you are on the fence about a girl. Most times, you are better off without her. There are plenty more girls out there, and most vaginas generally feel the same. Don’t waste any more time with “meh” girls – don’t go on that second date.

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  1. Well said. I think this is something most guys miss. The opportunity costs exist, and dating in vain will eventually leave a guy drained and bitter, if he dates a lot. It is tempting to hold out and hope something will change, but how often does that happen if you feel that she isn’t interested? Girls complain that some guys only want sex (which is rarely true – most guys want a relationship too, but a guy wants sex early on because his demand greatly exceeds supply when he’s single). But rarely is it mentioned that many girls string a guy along because they enjoy dating, with no intention of ever taking it further. (A date means attention, getting out of the house, and the excitement of roleplaying that she is in a romantic drama.)

  2. This is a transition that all guys need to make once they can consistently meet women. I was late to the game so I hated the thought of “missing an opportunity” but now I see that if you don’t feel good about a girl after the first date, its not likely to change the second time. I can always go out an meet more women and some of them will definitely be better than those I wanted to continue pursuing even though my gut said no.

  3. “Just to get a nut” – isn’t this ultimately all you player types are looking for anyway, regardless of whether or not you’re really feeling the girl?

      1. So, are you saying that just hooking up with a girl he’s not into is “just getting a nut”, whereas hooking up with one he is into is something more? Is not the loose, casual sexual relationship the type preferred by most guys (young guys) until they’re ready to settle down, regardless of who the girl is?

        In other words, why is it that so many guys seem interested in just hooking up right off the bat with every girl they meet, if they are indeed interested in more than just sex with some women?

        1. Of course, but I’d weather to say that most players are not opposed to at least dating a girl semi-casually if she is cute, good in bed, and not a pain in the ass.

          The point of this specific post was to advocate that you have better things to do with your time than try to get a mediocre girl into bed one time; things such as fitness, hobbies, making money, and higher quality girls.

          Guys all want sex, first and foremost. And in today’s world, you’d be foolish not to push for sex when it’s so readily available. Men control commitment, women control sex. It’s checks and balances. So even though a man may be open to the idea of more with a woman, he *should* push for sex simply because failure to do so can easily result in him being chumped.

          Why should he have to pay for 5 dates just to get a handjob, when she’s previously fucked some shitty band’s drummer after an hour (and no money spent by him)?

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