“Behind every great man there’s a great woman.”
What they don’t tell you in that quote is the blood, sweat, and tears that men in the modern age go through to find that great woman. As I’ve now entered into a relationship with a great Eastern European girl (who I voluntarily gave this blog address to), I’ve reminded myself to stay grounded in my roots of Game.
It’s easy to get drunk, high, and batshit-insane off of “new love chemicals” (NLC), and they’re there for a reason. They’re meant to be enjoyed. If they weren’t immensely pleasurable, they wouldn’t be biologically programmed in us. I keep reminding myself that it’s okay, natural, and amazing to have these feelings.
I also remind myself that now is the time that we are most bound to do something really stupid.
It’s funny how it works, too. I never expected it to go this way. My first few days in Kyiv, I was pretty meh on the city as a whole. I liked it, but didn’t love it. Even so much so that I actually wrote a post called ‘Bad City for Quality Girl’.
I was supposed to spend this year banging sluts and leaving semen stains on every country in Europe. Instead, I find myself wanting to calm down a bit and focus. To take this blog and business to the next level. To reach a level of income, fitness, and charm that few men before me can reach.
And as the desire to chase new girls declines, as a result of having a really great girl, I find myself finding it easier and easier to forgo the “bang goals” and to focus on the things in life that will give me true long term comfort, stability, and fulfillment.
I do not wish to deface past things I’ve written, hate on the beliefs of other bloggers (some of which I have and still do agree with), or to take a moral high ground with anyone. I’ve never been one way to say that my way is the best and only, but merely one who likes to share his experiences in the hopes that someone–just one–can take something from it.
I accept that fact that some of these words may be clouded by NRC chemicals, and I only humbly ask that you refrain taking my past words out of context and twisting them in ways beyond the way they were written.
LET’S FIRST DISCUSS…THE BLOG
Needless to say, This Is Trouble can be a slight red flag for girls dating me. And I could hardly blame them. It’s simultaneously going to reveal a ton of dark things about me, explain to them exactly how I got them, and worse yet–paints the pictures of a lot of other conquests right in the face of them (and the whole world) to see.
I’ve accepted long ago that this is a price I must pay to say my piece to the world. The price I must pay to help men. The price I must pay to run the business I want that truly has no boss.
Unlike other relationships, I gave this girl the blog. She’d been asking about it for a while, and I decided to change my approach.
In the past, I’ve waited until girls found my blog and then dealt with the torrents of tears and anger then. Always covering my tracks. Always keeping an eye on them if they needed to use my computer.
I was tired of it. Especially with this one, who truly wears her heart on her sleeve around me.
I decided I didn’t want to repeat the other three times that girls found the blog (one, two, three). All three of those girls were girls I seriously dated. All three of them found it without my “permission”.
Perhaps it’s a sign of maturity in myself, but I don’t think that maturity would have been brought out without the maturity of my current girl.
She never truly pressured (okay, maybe once) me to reveal this. The others were a much more constant thing. She never tried to find it herself (okay, maybe once), again–unlike the others who did CSI-esque searches on me.
Her maturity in the situation helped me to feel comfortable with it.
Signs of a girl worthy of a relationship.
A bit upset, but nothing too bad.
I realized that there was one upside to giving her the blog willingly–I could control at least the initial posts she read, and be there to calm the initial reaction.
So I picked out five posts. Five posts that would show the darkest parts of this blog. Five posts that would best illustrate who I had become today, and why. Including the three I had written about her. Why I had to go through the journey I had to. Why I have to continue telling the secrets of trouble to the world.
I sat her down and let her read all of them while I kept a careful eye on her reactions.
When it was done, I let her be as angry, upset, and hurt as she wanted.
And it wasn’t so bad.
She was mostly mad that I had posted her field report, in which I described exactly how many hours it took to bed her. She felt it was an invasion of her own privacy, and politely asked me to remove it as well as one paragraph of one of the other posts.
That was it.
Some might say it was “un-Alpha” of me to do so, but those same people are the ones that don’t understand that there is a little give and take in relationships. You can destroy a relationship and girl this way.
A week later, after I’d left Kyiv for the next month, she went on the blog and dug pretty deep. She watched some videos and was hurt again.
We had a good talk and she moved past it within a few hours. She realized This Is Trouble is a huge part of who Kyle is.
WHAT REALLY MATTERS
I’m putting some emphasis on this point because it’s damn important.
She asked me to remove one post and one paragraph. That does not seem unreasonable.
To contrast, previous girlfriend have asked me to remove the entire blog from the surface of the Internet. They have repeatedly told me how much they hate the blog. How much pain it causes them. How much it embarrasses them.
To make a relationship work, a man and a woman must move together in the same mission. Well, a man has his mission–a woman’s mission is to support the man’s mission.
Her asks of me regarding the blog did not derail my mission, voice, or business.
And since then, she’s actually been quite supportive. She hasn’t quite agreed to come on the podcast (though I’m working on it), but she did say she has a guest post she wants to surprise me with (read it here). Anyways. Going off topic.
Hell if I know.
What I do know is that I just came to a realization that a couple dozen more sluts this year wouldn’t even be close to worth it to just throw away a great relationship with this girl.
For those of you who may cry that those kind of numbers aren’t possible: they are. I banged 4 girls in 12 days in Krakow in April. 5 a month from August to December would be 25. Absolutely obtainable.
And I knew that back in May when I first met her. It’s why I returned to Kyiv for 5 days after Odessa, and head back there after this family trip is over.
Thankfully, Kyiv grew on me. I found good food. Joined a great gym. Made some good friends. Learned a few Russian words and got the alphabet (mostly) down. Enjoyed the challenge. Discovered that it was a mini-New York City.
As for her, she’s taken to calling herself Mrs. Trouble. I find it extremely cute, inspiring, and simultaneously terrifying.
But I’m glad she’s here for the journey.
And I’m glad you are, too.
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Congratulations pal, you’ve successfully stepped off the stepping stone that is game/manosphere/PUA, and not become marooned there as so many others have done.
It only gets better from here. Just don’t get complacent and make the same mistake I did, taking it all for granted – I’m still trying to rectify it!
Thanks buddy, means a lot coming from you. I’ve also realized I can’t write about this stuff forever and am going to try to branch out a bit more from what I’ve been writing about.
Speaking of your rectification–I haven’t had an update in a while! Might be time to send you a text 😉
Man this is exactly what I say to guys looking to get things done. They gotta calm down a bit and stop chasing girls. Hopefully you find the right one, which it sounds like you have. It will make your life that much easier. Especially if shes supportive.
Yep, you nailed it. You need a “Game/life” balance that all too often is nearly impossible to achieve. Once you get into that “zone” of chasing girls, you just don’t want to stop. Practically like a drug. You’ve gotta find fulfillment in other areas.
Chasing girls can be a lot of work considering as soon as you bust it’s kinda…well, over. A business is a potential lifelong investment!
I like the direction you’re going in Kyle. It’s also great to see two of my favorite guys (you and Ed) commenting favorably on a post like this one. The “man” space can be a dark place so posts like these are refreshing. Ed is a modern sage and the future of mens self-improvement. He’s everything ambitious young men should model.
I’ve just begun my quest, and may now be looking for what you lads apparently have. I’m inspired by your progress and just wanted to chime in in support of it. Notch numbness is real, avoid it. It takes some of us years to overcome it, if ever. You will get more done in life with a little stability and a steady squeeze than without it – and I’ve tried it both ways over decades. But like you already know, bro’s before ho’s my man. Never, ever, EVER, break frame. You do, and you will lose it all. So be sure to keep surrounding yourself with good men that will keep you honest with yourself.
The rest is the adventure we are all on. Cheers!
Thanks man, I think you’ll probably see a slight transition to more travel/breaking free/making $$. I knew long ago I couldn’t write about game forever, but I still do like to. So we’ll see. Would like to get her on the podcast sometime, too. Any thoughts on topics you’d like to see?
I’ve for a long time thought that men and women are more similar in the fact that a high notch count does hurt an ability to bond with someone new. I just think that number is drastically different; somewhere like 3 for women and maybe 50 for men. Depending on personality types of course.
thanks for chiming in, hope you continue to do so!
OR, instead of another MMO or travel site, if you’ve successfully found a great LTR girl you are in a great position to give advice to guys that want to do the same, so keep teaching just focus more on long game.
AND, if this works out for you, consider going into more relationship advice as well. This might take time, but it’s a good progression if you end up in LTR.
BUT, take some advice and never do business with your lady, it’s too hard on a relationship and all goals get compromised. An old salesman told me something in my first job many years ago “Son, don’t get your meat where you get your bread.” )
Don’t disagree with you at all, question becomes…money. Is it worth my while to write relationships. Will enough guys be looking for that to make it financially viable?
I do have to make a living after all 😉
Agreed, a women’s perspective would be interesting and offer something different…
Did you read her post?
my favorite line ever:
“What I do know is that I just came to a realization that a couple dozen more sluts this year wouldn’t even be close to worth it to just throw away a great relationship with this girl.”
I like to think of this mindset as a sort of red pill ascendancy. You’ve gone through the trenches, rebuilt yourself as a man from a blue pill beta to a pussy smashing machine. At this point you start contemplating your purpose, a purpose beyond sticking your dick in every moist hole that moves that you rate above a 7.
You also realize that the time and effort required to be the stereotypical “red pill alpha” going out 4-5 nights a week and trying to bed all the women doesn’t leave you a whole lot of time for other endeavours.
Find that next challenge, and attack it ruthlessly. Having a woman that helps motivates you, supports you, and keeps you on your toes will fuel those efforts. Plus as someone else on twitter once said in regards to flirting/hitting on other women while in a relationship: “nothing wrong with looking at the menu if you have no intention of buying”. Gotta stay sharp somehow.
Proud and impressed by you man. You figured out at 25 what I only figured out in my real early 30s.
Thanks man, really appreciate that. Means a lot coming from you. Need to get on your level as far as business success next. It’s comin’!
The time and effort is never talked about in OPPORTUNITY cost. I mean, a night out in LA was guaranteed of spending at least $50. Plus 6 hours of “gaming”. Plus being hungover (very possibly) the next day. So factor at least 10 total hours.
10 hours of not doing anything.
I’m still going to keep grinding on the blog for the next challenge. May be trying out some more business/breaking free/make money online posts. I know I can’t write about game forever. Got a couple other web projects I’m keeping to myself for now, too.
As far as the menu…well, there’s quite the menu here in Kiev, as you know 😉
This is all great. But now comes the tough part for both of you. You CANT be complacent. You can’t stop hitting the gym so you can spend time w your girl you can’t let your guard down and become a beta again. You must be more focused now than ever, and she will help you succeed more than ever before. It is easy to fall into her traps. Good luck,
Fortunately, I’ve been in two relationships since I underwent the whole red pill process, so I should be okay. I know how things work. Really appreciate the encouragement though!
Agree with you, almost 100%. Endlessly chasing women is only appealing to the men who won’t ever do it.
It’s almost like there’s a cutoff time where it gets old, or becomes a hassle, or isn’t worth it. There are things that just become more important.
It’s definitely a maturity thing, and it looks like you’re taking it to the next level. You realize you couldn’t be where you are if you hadn’t lived the life you’ve lived.
Great post, Kyle.
Thanks Lloyd, I appreciate that. Definitely agree with your statement–you HAVE to go through the process. The journey. It’s a necessary part of coming out on the other side. BUT, you also have to find the right girl on that other side. One who is ok with the fact that you went through the journey.
And it takes a high quality guy to keep that kind of girl around over the long term. No faking it.
Another thing worth mentioning is the BP -> RP -> BP cycle that comes from being an AFC, to finding RP and getting laid, only to fall back in BPness once you end up in a relationship. I believe Rollo has a couple of really good posts on this. You tend to find it in the RP guys that over-idolize that perfect, virginal type wife (all you fuckers know exactly who/what I am talking about).
The key in what you are doing is that it is the NEXT PHASE in your development. Alpha RP relationship type shit. Not a regression that sooo many other guys make. This causes them to fall into the cycle of re-finding RP and then putting the pussy conquest phase as the be all and end all of being a man. Cos they have never really internalized everything they needed to and truly ascended past being a bitch deep down inside.
That is all.
*Personally*, I think that tends to happen with guys who are more…damaged. That’s probably the best word. A lot of “RP” guys actually REALLY, REALLY hate women. And I mean HATE.
Whereas…I was never like that. I always liked them. Still found it easy to laugh, bond, and enjoy their company outside of sex (as long as I was getting consistent, good sex). And most of the cool guys you talk to (like yourself), you can just tell still LOVE women. But we love them for who they TRULY are, rather than having a false idol of what we HOPE they are.
It’s that false idol that gets so damn many guys burned repeatedly even after they find the RP, just as you said.