Last updated: April 28, 2015

How You Can Improve Motivation & Become A Do-Er, Not Talker

Musings, Women


Are you a doer or a talker?

It’s funny how many people want things to be free. Every week, I receive a modest amount of emails from readers asking for advice on a variety of topics. These emails don’t bury me or take away too much of my time, and I was always happy to answer them and provide the best advice I could.

But a couple of weeks ago, I added actual “consulting” pages to my website and put a price tag on my time.

This isn’t because I have a life goal to get rich off of writing This Is Trouble. The content on this blog has, and always will be, free. Hell, even my paid products like Cracking OKCupid end up with parts of them being posted for free, and I’ve even offered free profile reviews with the purchase of the book.

The reason I put a price tag on my time is because I was sick and tired of writing 1,000+ word responses to reader emails, and then never hearing from them again.

It would be a completely different story if I received details a month, or even six months down the road with people updating me with their progress. Typically though, most of my lengthy responses (many of them as long, or longer, than a typical blog post) didn’t even result in a “thank you” follow up email after I gave words of wisdom.

I’m happy to give free advice. Every post on this site usually does in some way or another. But, the days of me giving individual advice for individuals who didn’t even say thank you are over. You know why? Because I know they’re not doers.

They’re all talk.

Pop Quiz: What do you think happened once I stuck a price tag on my time?

I weeded the talkers out. The amount of emails soliciting me for advice has dried up considerably. To an extent, it’s a bummer because I get less feedback on my writing. In reality, the people who now email me and are willing to pay for my time are going to get a better result than any of the freeloaders ever would.

The Talkers

A rich man doesn’t have to tell you he’s rich.

A motivated man doesn’t need to seek answers unless he has truly reached the end of his possibilities. When I first dove into the Red Pill and began my journey, I wasn’t emailing individual blog authors and trying to get free advice. No, I scoured every section of their website for information that was applicable to me. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected free personalized advice because I realized that’s the mindset of someone who will never succeed.

It’s one thing to scour everywhere for an answer and not find it.

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, but you should appreciate it and pay it back by letting that person know if their advice worked – or not.

Now that I’m on the other side of the battle, it’s easy to spot the talkers out.

The talkers just talk, but they don’t have their own voice. They are happy to listen to advice that could turn their life around, but never do. They prefer to spend entire days reading about how to talk to girls but don’t ever go out and talk to girls themselves.

Side note: It had been a while that I’d done consistent approaching before I went to Budapest. It felt great to stretch my legs and skills again.

The talkers are leeches, too. Because they end up wasting the time of others. Take a fictional reader of mine, for example. Let’s call him Bob.

Bob emails me and asks for advice on general self improvement. Girls, career, money, etc. Bob is 20 years old and doesn’t like being in school and is generally unhappy.

I write Bob a lengthy response that takes me an hour from start to finish. I write my response in a way designed to pick Bob up and encourage him to start taking steps to improve his life. As a man, you are directly responsible for your own happiness.

I never hear from Bob again.

It’s reasonable to assume that Bob didn’t take any of my advice and apply it to his life, because I never hear from him again. Therefore, it’s fair to assume that it’s an hour of my time completely lost. If my email helped Bob improve his life – I certainly wouldn’t consider it a waste of time. I’d consider it time well spent.

Instead, I’m forced to write that time off as a sunk cost in which I could have been working on my next book or another project.

The Doers

Everything is available for free these days. I will never understand why people hate on bloggers (like myself, admittedly) who have affiliate links. A true do-er wouldn’t get upset that someone is making a bit of money while not costing him anything extra.

It’s the talkers that feel they are entitled to everything for FREE, without exception, and that nobody should make any money off of that.

Hint: if everything was free the economy would collapse.

The doers recognize the value of free content and are willing to pay for premium if they find it necessary.

The doers seek out answers to tough questions and then apply it to their own life. They document their successes for their fellow man to learn from.

The doers follow up and thank someone as opposed to reading advice but never applying.

The doers do not waste time.

Are you a doer or a talker?

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Leave a Reply

  1. Have you ever considered doing what CH does and post the advice? It’s usually good topics and even if the original emailer isn’t a doer, there’s probably 10-15 of us reading your blog (busting your balls) who will use it.

    Also, most people are talkers. I need to do x,y,z but they’ll never get off their ass and do x,y,z and then anyone who says they need to do x,y,z and actually tries to accomplish it is trying too hard. Like all things, there’s probably a happy medium but error on the side of too much effort. I’m 31 and finally started transitioning from more talking to more doing and it feels so much better.

    1. Oh, absolutely have done this as much as i can. The problem is that a lot of people specifically ask for privacy.

      Which is ridiculous. Why be so selfish and not let others learn from the situation is beyond me.

  2. There’s nothing more I want in my life right now than to be a doer. To just feel like I’m moving forward. My issue is that I have a mental block in my head that refuses to let me figure out what to do or how to go about doing. Example: I want my own business but in my head I can’t figure out what kind of business or how to go about doing it. There are millions of advice and DIY material out there but nothing seems to click. I can’t figure out what kind of business to start (pretty freaking stupid right?) I’ve been writing two books for 20 years (off and on) and I get locked in my brain on where to go next with the characters etc. because I have no feedback. I can’t get anyone (including wife, family etc.) to read my work so I have no idea if it sucks or not. Anyway deep inside I think I’m afraid of success. I think somewhere in my brain it’s been instilled that the struggle to succeed is all there is and that if I actually succeed then what will I do next? I know it sounds stupid but I really feel like that’s the issue and it’s killing me because I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT! I don’t know how to break from this mental brick wall that seems to be in the way of me actually doing something with my life. I’m not ashamed to say that I need help but then again where do I go to get it? Sounds like a simple enough question for most people but this is the kind of thing I’m talking about. I’m tired of living a life of mediocrity and have no idea how to break through this wall.

    1. If you’ve been writing two books for TWENTY years, just finish one of them.

      the sense of accomplishment will help you move forward with other projects. The fear of success is a real thing.

      How long are these books? I’m willing to post parts of them here so you can get feedback, if they fit well enough into the blog as a whole. Just let me know.

      1. Kyle-Sorry for the long delay in replying. One of the books is roughly 12 chapters and I’m at a point to where I don’t know if I should make it into a series or one big book and having no input hasn’t helped with that. The other one has 4 chapters as I just started rewriting it. I’ve made it a goal to write 1000 words a day and have been sticking with that pretty good. I appreciate the advice you guys offer and will do whatever I have to to not be a talker. As a lot of you know, it’s really hard when you feel like your efforts are in vein BUT I’m realizing now that no one else matters but me and if I’m waiting on approval of who I am from anyone, then I’m just a slave. Love of self is the only true one.

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