Last updated: September 29, 2019

Let’s Talk About Housework



A reader writes in to ask…

Hey, I’m an old fart and I appreciate the opinions and experiences of those willing to share. I had one of those bratty entitled white wives and just started something with a Filipina woman 12 years younger. I greatly appreciate the warnings found here and elsewhere. There were some questionable things that kept making me wonder if it was a scam. I wouldn’t say I’m totally out of the woods yet, but each warning has so far passed the OK check. A few more to go.

But I am aware of them and can feel good I may have found a real gem. No doubt this one is sweet, caring and that femininity exudes out of her. I love that.

I don’t mind supporting her 2 daughters if it comes to marriage (and only then). But I do have a couple of questions. Does their culture expect a parent to support adult children? From conversation, it seems as if the oldest daughter has it in her mind to take care of her mother. Would it be legit or rude to insist that I would only support the children and not her siblings or parents? I haven’t had that conversation yet and wouldn’t mind hearing what those who may know would think.

I am Korean American. Not that it should matter, but let’s be real. It does. I can handle that.

The thing is…

It’s really just in the Western world that you go and dump your elderly parents in a care home, leave them to fend for themselves, and just pay their care bill while visiting once a month.

As far as I know, those type of facilities just don’t exist in the rest of the world. Instead, the families come together to care for the elderly. Because there’s not the money to do the care facilities, and I mean that there’s not money to build them, and even if they could, people don’t have the money to pay for ’em.

My own father always said:

“You can tell how a culture and society is by how they treat their children, and how they treat their elders…”

He’s right.

Anyways, this is one of the things that happens when you date abroad. You have to accept the culture for what it is. That’s the price you pay, because trust me, you will not like some of it. That’s the tradeoff by having a nice, feminine, thin, loyal wife who cooks all your meals and does all your laundry.

Speaking of.

“Actually Abroad” member Sam asked me to answer the following questions:

Does your current UA apartment have a dishwasher? A dryer? A no-match light stove? A waste disposal blade in the sink?

If not, do you miss these things? Does your gf handle literally all of this?

Do you guys split the cooking nights when you’re not busy? Does whoever do the cooking doesn’t do the dishes? Or so you just not cook/eat at home much?

I assume she expects you to take out the trash. What other chores do you have to do?

I assume you have a maid. How often does she clean, how long does it take (I think they are slow out here), and does she all these chores on the days she comes? I heard they are only $7/hour in Kiev. So you definitely safe money, but I don’t know about time.

And, the answers…

Are in the latest post on “Actually Abroad”.

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  1. I come to answer at the Korean American’s question.
    If the Philippine girl is really brought up in Philippines, it comes without thinking that they will support their elders by all means. The society mentality is this. The family helps each other. So, if you accept her, in one way or another you will also accept her family. It does not mean that it will be something big, neither that it will be a permanent issue at your family’s table. But it will happen. Accept it. Regarding the girls, she will support them until they are definitely capable to use their own wings and the are already flying. So … as a potential parent, you are somehow expected to do the same. But be aware. You will always have to elicit her plea for your help. Else she will lose the amount of respect she ought to show to you. And Philippinas are just as every woman on this. Once they jump out of the line, it is difficult to put them back. Not unless you are ready to inflict your opinion to her. And that, in the land of the free and home of the brave, might be tricky.
    Now… regarding your fear that she is scamming on you… Yes of course she does. She needs a man, a provider and a protector. And she will do anything to achieve it. But that’s ok!. If you stand tall in your principals and your demands, if what you give and what you ask are clear and written to a stone, NO MATTER WHAT, if she continues with you she will eventually fall for you. Toes to head. And rather swim the pacific across to Philippines than lose you.
    Who am I to claim so outrageous ? The name is Zafeiris, as you can see and I have stayed very long time in S.E. Asia. Actually I am a seaman. And I often visit The areas there. With many Malay I had relations and even multiple ones. So what I say comes from experience. I hope I helped you some how. Only remember, the golden rule is “Keep your head high and your wallet to your pocket” Cheers

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