This is a no BS guide to Japanese women. That is why:
Don’t shoot the messenger.
I am telling it like it is.
If you don’t like the facts…
Well, you can move on to a more PC corner of the Internet. But if you want to know all of the secrets of dating Japanese women, read on. You have been warned!
Western guys fetishise Japanese girls like there is no tomorrow. But the truth about love and sex in Japan is not like in Hentai. Here are the main types you will meet (while the local guys are busy ‘enjoying’ sex in virtual reality or working themselves to death).
Anyway, here are the 20 types of Japanese women:
Most Japanese gals are at least a little bit Kawaii. It’s all about looking innocent and adorable. That is what Japanese girls are expected to be like anyway. Kawaii just takes it to the extreme. There are even different subcategories of Kawaii.
In my opinion, the low-key Kawaii women are the best to date. They are the quintessential sweet and adorable Japanese girl. They never pick fights or create conflict. Kawaii girls are positive, super smiley, and generally a pleasure to be around.
The ones that cover themselves in bows and act like adult babies…
Yeah, maybe that is a little too much.
This is a universal fetish – so much so that it has become a part of the culture.
Japanese women wear short skirts and knee-length socks long after graduating from high school. Just in case, always ask their age. Better safe than sorry.
Gothic Lolitas may be considered a sub-type of Kawaii girl.
The goth side of them, however, is where it gets interesting. We are getting into more “rebellious Japanese girl” territory here. Gothic culture in Japan has a particular subtext to it.
Lolita style is seen as an escape from adulthood and seriousness. It’s a reaction to all the pressure that society puts on young people. You will see with other alternative styles that Japanese girls often look to make a statement with their look.
The Lolita side is all cutesy and it reminds us of childhood. The goth is the darker aspect of it all – this escape from reality always comes with a sad aspect of nostalgia and not fitting in. Those gothic Lolitas may be pretty to look at but they are not the best for dating
Ganguro girls are literally rebelling against society’s beauty standards. They dye their hair platinum blonde, wear super long nails, and fake tan (in a culture where white skin is everything). They’re not as rebellious as the Bosozoku though…
These are the true Japanese baddies. They are famous for their careless attitude and taste for illegal activities. You will be hard-pressed to find Bosozoku that doesn’t do drugs or ride a sick bike.
Bosozoku means ‘violent run tribe’.
The Bosozoku girls are biker gang chicas and they reject everything about the sweet, submissive Japanese girl stereotype. They’re also super hot, just saying. Dating one will definitely not be your typical Japanese girlfriend experience but it’s so worth it.
The Yakuza girls are also about being hardcore… And also about dating/marrying the country’s most dangerous criminals. Don’t even go there, Yakuza girls are completely off-limits.
Yes, even in a rich country like Japan mail order brides exist. Japan itself ‘imports’ women from less developed places in Asia. But since so many Japanese women are obsessed with Western guys, marriage agencies flourish here.
Unfortunately, it’s not in the agency’s best interest to find you a partner, at least not quickly. In my experience, marriage agencies are overpriced for what they offer. Since they control all the communication you have with the girl, the agency can put whatever price they want. Scams are rare in Japan but the effectiveness of marriage agencies is very dubious. It’s best to stick to normal dating sites like Japan Cupid.
Gaijin is the Japanese word for a foreigner. And some women are obsessed with us! Western features are veneered in Japan. Some girls take it to the extreme, essentially stalking every white guy they see on the street.
It’s nice, as a guy, to be hit on, but I’d stay away from serious Gaijin hunters. Because you’re a foreigner, you are already at an advantage with local girls. The women here tend to be a bit obsessive anyway… Think of how crazy a Gaijin hunter can get as a girlfriend!
The average Japanese girl has been raised in a traditional family, knows to respect her elders, acts sweet and innocent.
She has likely lost her virginity later in life than Western girls and she does not date around. Good Jap girls are everywhere!
Sites like Japanese Cupid are especially useful for meeting them because these women are looking for a committed relationship (and local guys are to busy fucking around with VR… literally fucking around).
Here is a dirty little secret about Japanese men:
They can’t handle a smart girl!
Women are taught to act ‘silly’ and ‘innocent’ because otherwise, they will scare guys away. There are tons of hot and intelligent women in Japan that don’t get the attention they deserve! If she is at least semi self-assured enough to not dumb her act down, local men avoid her!
You won’t believe the high-value women you can meet online. That’s because the Japanese guys don’t value them! In Japanese culture, the ideal woman is sweet, submissive, and dependant on her guy. As the country develops, more and more women will not fit that ideal. You can find them on sites like Japan Cupid, tired of dating local betas!
The West is influencing Japan. Some women buy into it more than others. Japanese girls that look like stereotypical Western women are becoming more and more common, especially in Tokyo.
They’re not as interesting as other Jap women but, on the plus side, dating them is much easier.
There is less culture shock because she is already influenced by American culture. And, as much as she might look like an American girl, your Western-wannabe does not have the same feminazi beliefs.
Japan takes commitment to your job to the next level.
Dying from overworking is a thing here, and it happens more frequently than you can imagine. It’s usually the men that get the worst of it. However, there are some super career-driven Japanese women.
Don’t confuse them with the smart cookies.
There are plenty of girls that value their career, without letting it take over their entire life. For the Japanese businesswoman, though, work-life balance does not exist. You’re not likely to meet them outside of a professional environment. If you do, I’d think twice before dating one. How would you like to have a girlfriend that can only spare 20 minutes for a date?
Ladyboys are all over Asia and they are known to “pass” instead of tell people.
Fortunately, the Japanese ladyboys are not as convincing as the ones in Thailand. You will not struggle too much with recognizing them.
JAV stands for Japanese Adult Video, the kind you might have open on Pornhub right now. You would be surprised how many girls have actually participated in one.
According to a recent poll, 1 in 200 girls has been in a porno.
Maybe it was soft-core, maybe it was nastier. No matter how sweet Japanese women look, you never know…
These are the soft-core version of JAV models.
They pose for men’s magazines, in photo books, and DVD’s. Gravure models usually appear in swimsuits and lingerie, never nude.
They are the equivalent of Sports Illustrated models or Victoria Secret models in the US.
There is a booming sex work industry in Japan, though it’s not as deep as it is in Southeast Asia. In part, it’s because locals are so sex-starved (more on that later).
Either way, don’t let a hostess or a masseuse convince you that she just offers her company.
Bar girls are prostitutes.
Use their services if you want but you could get a sweet non-hooker Japanese girl instead.
Nope, geishas are not prostitutes. They are genuinely there for entertainment and company. Geishas train for years to become master musicians, conversationalists, and entertainers.
You will not meet a real geisha as a tourist in Japan.
They are a part of a very privileged and elite society.
If you do mix with Japanese high society, you might get a taste of what the culture is like. Otherwise, don’t buy into bar girls dressed as wannabe geishas. You could probably not afford a real geisha anyway.
Cosplay is huge in Japan and there are even some girls who do it professionally.
They’re not sex workers, they are just there to take pictures with (like models if you will).
You’ll notice that cosplay is also a common hobby for Japanese women. Whether you’re into it or not, you might get dragged to conventions if you date one.
I know the term MILF is disrespectful but hear me out:
50% of Japanese marriages are sexless.
Men are facing so much pressure to perform in the workplace that they rarely have time or energy for their wives. A lot of older Japanese women (not that old though, usually in their 30’s or early 40’s) find lovers. They risk their marriage and reptation out of sheer sexual frustration!
You will also meet older Japanese women that have been divorced, or that wasted their young years completely focused on career. Dating is even harder for them than for the average Japanese girl. Which means they go to dating sites, looking for men outside of their culture.
This site is a treasure trove of Japanese MILFs…
Japanese people can be a bit weird and introverted sometimes.
As a whole, though, they are very welcoming and respectful. Nowhere is this more visible than in this type of Japanese girl.
She might also fall into one of the other categories (in terms of the way she dresses or her age) but her defining characteristic is:
She wants you to have a good time.
Even if you’re not hitting on them, women like this are a tourist’s best friend. If you notice a girl online has tendencies like that, ask her to show you around the city. It’s the perfect excuse for a date plus you get a local insider guide.
Read our review here
Let’s not forget that Japan has pioneered such weird sex things as:
And that is without mentioning hentai.
Whether you have some slightly weird fetishes yourself doesn’t matter. My point is, Japanese guys, in particular, are becoming increasingly shut down from reality. They experience their sexuality in socially safer ways – sex dolls, VR, all sorts of novelty masturbation techniques.
But aren’t those things for both guys AND girls?
Not really, the average Japanese girl is not happy with her sex life. In fact, only 20% of them have satisfying sex lives. That same percentage is around 44% in the world. By the way, that’s still too low, that means most people are actually unhappy with the sex they have…
Anyway, Japanese girls are particularly sex-starved. Which means that:
Yeah, Japanese girls are not great in bed, at least not at first…
It will take her a while to get comfortable around you. Once she does, it gets much better!
All Japanese women are a bit obsessive. The concept of a casual relationship is completely foreign to them. You are either together or you’re not. The whole cute and submissive act has an agenda: to make you her boyfriend.
I personally think Japanese women are great for dating, not that great for sleeping with. They want a relationship, full stop. If you are just beginning to date, it will take longer for things to get physical (because she doesn’t want to seem too easy). Once they do, one or both of you are already very emotionally attached.
The Japanese women you can have casual relationships with are the Westernized girls and the older women. If you don’t have any moral issues with that, just sex is easiest with women that are cheating on their partners. But then again, at least make sure that her partner is not a part of the Yakuza…
Since you clicked on this article, I am assuming you don’t just want my thoughts and experience. You want to actually meet sexy Japanese women!
In Japan, the easiest way to do that is online. There are singles bars and you could even pick up women on the street. The sweet and non-confrontational culture is playing against you here, though. You will not have any nasty rejections. Japanese girls are taught to be polite and respectful in all situations.
However, this also means that a ‘yes, I’d love to give you my phone number’ could be a ‘I would genuinely love to go out with you’ to ‘Screw you, creep, I am giving you a fake number’.
The women you will meet online are:
All of those things play out in your favour, especially on Japan Cupid. Why Japan Cupid? Because it’s a large site with many members but it is not a locals-only place. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite.
In other words…
Japan Cupid is not about the JAV models or the bar girls. For the most part, the women on Japan Cupid want a long-term relationship with a guy that is interested in them more than he is in his VR girlfriend.
Which brings me to my next point:
With Japanese girls, you will have to do most of the talking. They want to appear feminine and sweet. That’s why they’ll act even shier than they actually are. Here is a simple example:
When you ask a Westernized girl out, it might go something like:
“Hey, do you want to go to dinner sometime?”
…to which she’d (hopefully) say…
“Sure, I heard about this great BBQ place that they just opened.“
Jap girls will not do that. You’ll have to arrange the date – starting from asking her out, to the location, and even what you order. That’s right, most Japanese women will expect you to order for them on a first date.
When you first message a girl online, focus on making her feel comfortable. The women you meet on Japan Cupid will be the good Jap girl type.
This means they were raised to act submissive and let the men take the lead. This does not go away easily, though she will become more assertive as she gets to know you.
You know those conversations where you are desperately trying to make a connection but it just doesn’t click? You keep asking the other person questions but somehow a true conversation never catches on. From the other person’s perspective that looks and feels like an interrogation. You, yourself feel intrusive and awkward.
Well, the sad reality of dating Japanese women is you’ll have a lot of conversations like this.
We could all stand to improve our communication skills. Some of my personal favourite sources to do this are the Charisma on Command channel and Dale Carnegie’s books (they are classics). If I could give just one piece of advice for making conversations less awkward:
Start by sharing something first.
It shouldn’t be just question after question from you. No one likes that.
It shows that you actually care about her personality, there is a compliment in there, plus you strike up a conversation, not just small talk.
After a bit of online chit-chat, it’s you who should ask for a date. From there on, it will also be you who chooses the dinner, invites her back to your place, etc, etc. This whole article on dating Japanese women could be summed up in:
Man up and get these babes!
It’s really that simple for Western guys in Japan. Know where to look. Act like an alpha. Get the girl.
Make sure you come back to give us your field reports on that, too.