When A Girl Says You're Short
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When A Girl Says You’re Short

😀 Haha, I was complete white trash for Halloween. Had a fake pregnant belly on. A black Ratchet transformers t-shirt that was off the shoulder with my bra straps showing. Cut off jeans. A metal militia hat, “free bird” fake tatted on my knuckles, a chest tattoo with the white-trash names of my other 6 kids, horriblly done make-up, barefoot (until the party got messy), with a pack of cigs (I don’t smoke) in my front pocket, and a beer in my hands or mouth at all times. It was EPIC! Many people thought it was real, and I let them believe it if they were dumb enough. “It’s my body I’ll do what I want” haha and lots of “Are YOU my baby’s daddy?” Horrible sense of humor I know!

Sounds like fun doesn’t it?  Game on.

MY RESPONSE: That’s pretty awesome. I’d like to see a picture of this… I did a play of the “Thing 1 Thing 2” that everyone does…and I went wrote “Bro 1 and Bro 2” on my biceps, and then ripped a shirt up as a bro tank, wore a backwards hat, and carried around some “BROtein” powder.

HER: hahaha How long have you lived in SD? And are you a bro? And I’ve found that most guys that are under 6 foot, like to add another inch or two to how tall they are on here? Every 5’10 guy that I’ve met is really my height (ed: shit test)…. How tall are you REALLY?

ME: Lived here 4 years, definitely not a bro. Though I’ve had people tell me they thought I was because of my arms, lol. I’m actually 4’11” (agree and amplify).  You seem cool let’s get a drink.

HER: Hahaha that is SOOOO true! You must not be too new to this online crap! I can’t do 4’11 BRO!!! And would you want to meet up today? (shit test completely obliterated) I’m bored out of my skull right now! And if so, what are you looking for on okcupid? And are you bringing your friend so he can see I’m not a guy? lol

I couldn’t meet up with her that day, but I got her number and set something up for the following evening.  She lives about twenty minutes away from me and doesn’t have a car.  I tell her she has to come to my neck of the woods.  I literally made her borrow a car from a friend to come and see me.  I have two cars; I am just a lazy motherfucker.  I keep the texting short and concise, though I do make sure I get a picture of the aforementioned Halloween costume.  She sends me a couple other (non-naked) photos and I realize…this girl has enormous tits.

36DDD, to be exact.

too short

Same size boobs and actually a very similar prettiness level in the face.

The next day I text her my typical “confirmation” text: “I like dresses and skirts.  FYI.  See you tonight.”

She ends up bringing a dress but it’s rather cold so she apologizes for not wearing it.  We sit down at the bar and order a couple of beers.  She doesn’t know what she wants so I take charge and order it for her.  Within five minutes I’ve got my knee pressed up against hers and she doesn’t move it.  We go through the usual chit chat of where we’re from and what we’re doing with our lives, and eventually I progress into the questions game with her.  Of course, I immediately turn it sexual.  After a half hour or so of this, I go with a weasel move, suggesting that we go back to my place (conveniently right around the corner) because the “beer is cheaper” and I want to “show her a video.”  At first she says no, but it doesn’t take much convincing until we’re in her friend’s car (which is a stick, she can hardly drive the thing) on our way to my apartment.

We lay on the couch and have another beer.  I pull out the guitar and tell her to “pick any song.”  I do my usual routine of soloing a simple pentatonic scale over the top of her choice, which, as it always does, amazes her.  I drop my usual kiss close routine, “My next question…how good of a kisser are you on a scale of one to ten?”  Says she doesn’t know.  I respond by saying I want to find out and kiss her.  She’s into it.  At this point this is all such a routine and I’m thinking I’ll be sailing my way to a +1 that night, until she brings up…the height.  Again.

I’m about 5’9″, maybe 5’10” on a good day, but she’s definitely my height.  She says she’s just not that into me, and asks if I’ll be offended easily.  I say no, and she tells me that it’s because of my height that she isn’t into me, but other than that, I’m awesome.  I laugh and tell her if it bothers her that much, she’s free to leave and never speak to me again.  I figured this was an easy way to get past the shit test.

She gets up and starts collecting her things.  SHIT.  Now, as I’ve discussed before, you almost never want to do what you’re “supposed” to do with girls.  Most guys, in this situation, would probably ask her to stay or something beg and grovel.  I went fucking caveman.  Grabbed her, and pinned her down.

Growled, “I bet my height doesn’t bother you as much now.”  She moaned and said it didn’t.

Shit test nuked to fucking orbit. 

I lead her to the bedroom but I’m still getting the, “We’re not having sex,” talk.  She’s making excuses that she’s getting a Brazilian soon and that it’s a mess down there.  I get her shirt off though, and I realize…I’ll be quite happy to simply titty fuck a set of 36DDD’s.  She sucks my dick and I titty fuck her for a while.

Too bad I turned her on to much that she couldn’t resist me fucking her.  She eventually says she just “needs it”, and, “Do you have a condom?” I tell her I don’t mind what’s going on down there (it wasn’t even bad).  We get down to business and I pounded her while watching those glorious tits bounce all over the place.  Eventually, I unload a gallon of jizz on her tits.

We watch a movie, fuck again, and she spends the night.  My game was top-notch on this one.

Read More: Five Girls In Five Days

Kyle Trouble
 

I'm Kyle "Trouble". I'm a former computer engineer who left the 9-5 in LA at 24 years old and moved to Eastern Europe. I blog about dating, life abroad, and building successful and scalable streams of income.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 33 comments
A Tale Of Rejections, Flakes, Frustrations, And Sadness | This Is Trouble - November 10, 2013

[…] but just between Monday and Thursday of this week I had three different girls in my bed, such as this one.  I don’t need to do anything drastic.  I’m going to just chalk this up to a bad […]

Reply
David - November 19, 2013

I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed this post, but man, I sure hope you’re exaggerating the “grabbed her by the throat, shoved her back down and bit her neck when she was trying to leave” part. As written, it’s INCREDIBLY disturbing and pretty much reads like the opening stages of an assault/rape. I get that she gave clear consent later on, but if you were really as hardcore in the beginning as you make it sound, she very well might only have given that consent because she thought you would fucking murder her if she said no. Dominance is all well and good… rape and terror, not so much. Be careful dude. It sounds like you’ve got a pretty badass life going on, and the last thing you need is to spend a bunch of years of it in prison.

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    Trouble.Maker - November 19, 2013

    Not a bad point if someone were to investigate me.

    Thanks man, I’ll make some edits to it tonight.

    Reply
      David - November 19, 2013

      Hah, no problem. Not good to be scaring the girlies during sexual encounters… the thing you have to remember is that almost every woman has been in at least one or two really terrifying situations where they either got raped, or thought they were about to. I literally have yet to meet a girl who doesn’t have at least one horror story like that. So, if you’re gonna “go caveman”, better make sure it doesn’t cross the line to “shit, this guy might not take no for an answer”. Sure, a few girls will get off on that fear like crazy, but the other 90% will freak out and run for the hills. OK, lecture over 😛

      Reply
        Trouble.Maker - November 19, 2013

        Funny, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a story about a girl actually fearing that. Interesting.

        The real question is did they get wet when they were scared? 😉

        Reply
David - November 19, 2013

Yeah, I dunno. Women always want to open up to me for some reason. All their hopes, dreams, fears, everything in the deepest, darkest corners of their mind. It’s a blessing and a curse, but it’s helped my game a lot. I used to be very iffy on daytime cold opens, for example, but after a few years of hearing women describe what it’s like to be on the receiving end of 50 pickup attempts a day from random men twice their size, I started to get the importance of defusing the deeply-ingrained “stranger danger” reaction, and now I do a lot better. The first major “move” of a sexual encounter is another one of those moments of truth. Aggression is good, but overplay your hand and you end up setting off the rape alarm. And no, very rarely does that get a woman wet… except maybe in the ass from where she shit herself a little…

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The Opportunity Cost Of Her Orgasm | This Is Trouble - December 10, 2013

[…] You must ask yourself what you’re giving up in trying to bring her to orgasm.  Nothing is worse than searching around saying, “How about this?” like a teenage boy on the adventure of trying to find his first clit.  Warm her up good and plow her like it’s the last fuck you have on this planet.  Make her be submissive, rough her up a bit. […]

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Masculine Profiles (@MasculinePro) - December 29, 2013

“Oh, look at the fun bags on that hose hound” If her tits were like the girls in the picture, that is quite impressive. Have you considered going Swoop The World style and posting digital memories? I’ve thought about it, but it seems fairly risky…

Reply
    Trouble.Maker - December 29, 2013

    Thought about it plenty and at this point in my career I’m not going to do it. Someday my picture will be out there, and hopefully pics of the adventures on the way, too.

    With that being said though, I don’t take any crazy steps to protect my anonymity. If I get outed, I get outed, and I’ll deal with it.

    Reply
Masculine Profiles (@MasculinePro) - December 29, 2013

Yeah, I think that’s sound logic. I think if I were to expatriate I would share digital memories, but the legalities in the states would never swing in our favor if we shared a digital memory or two.

Reply
    Trouble.Maker - December 29, 2013

    Exactly. Unfortunately too, all it takes these days is an HR rep Googling your name, and a site like this would easily put a halt to a new hire (though I doubt get me fired from a current position).

    It’s the card we were dealt.

    Reply
ThisIsTrouble.com Top 13 For 2013 | This Is Trouble - December 31, 2013

[…] You must ask yourself what you’re giving up in trying to bring her to orgasm.  Nothing is worse than searching around saying, “How about this?” like a teenage boy on the adventure of trying to find his first clit.  Warm her up good and plow her like it’s the last fuck you have on this planet.  Make her be submissive, rough her up a bit. […]

Reply
A Letter To Those In Love With My Girlfriend | This Is Trouble - January 26, 2014

[…] Some of you others are simply sitting on the sideline, waiting for that day when she finally “logics” up and realizes that she wants to be with you.  You, my friends, have already sealed your tombstone with your own fate, because a lack of aggression rarely pays off.  Masculine aggression, on the other hand, does pay dividends…in the form of Triple D titties. […]

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Google Search | This Is Trouble - February 24, 2014

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[…] I stand 5’9, and even I could put up a stat line like that in the NBA. […]

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How Homosexual Athletes Are Ruining Sports | This Is Trouble - March 4, 2014

[…] I stand 5’9, and even I could put up a stat line like that in the NBA. […]

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The Easiest Way To Be Sexually Dominant - This Is Trouble - February 16, 2015

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Andy - September 21, 2017

that’s a picture of Gemma Atkison… the British actress… Bro

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    Kyle Trouble - September 21, 2017

    What’s your point?

    Reply

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