She passed me on the street, and I didn’t hesitate.
I turned around within five seconds and ran after her. Flowing dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a bit of a tired, boring attire that suggested she was on her way home from work.
Right as I caught her and pulled alongside, she started to run. The crosswalk ahead wouldn’t stay green for very much longer. Knowing it was now or never, I briefly quickened my stride and pulled out just ahead of her, while simultaneously lighting tapping her on the arm.
She stopped.
I opened my mouth and words came out.
“Hi. I saw you walk by me, and thought you were really cute. I just knew I’d regret it if I didn’t stop and meet you.”
Her eyes spazzed out slightly in shock as she took in the situation. Her reply:
“Wow, thank you”, with a big smile.
“But I’m so sorry, I have to catch this bus. Thank you so much!”
And just like that, she was gone with another skip in her step, rushing off to catch her bus. The bus that would take her from her 9-5 cubicle job that she probably despises, back to her flat wherever she lives. There, she’ll heat up a meal in a packaged box, plop down in front of the television, and sit there until it’s time to sleep.
Tomorrow, she’ll rise and do it all again.
I’m going to be honest here, and come right out to say that I’m not a pro daygamer. I briefly did a bit several years ago, but with my own 9-5 slave job, I just never got around to truly mastering it. With that being said, I’m not a total amateur. My overall game and conversation skills are top notch. I’d already made a few dozen daygame approaches in my life, even getting some numbers and bangs. So whilst I’m not a rookie, I’m also smart enough to know that I’m rusty, and not 100% calibrated. It’s going to take some practice to get good.
However, I’m also good enough with girls to know that this specific girl wasn’t creeped out by me. She was genuinely flattered. The way her eyes sparkled slightly suggested she had some interest. Therefore, the question automatically becomes…
Why didn’t she stop longer?
Think about it. She didn’t know who I was, but wasn’t totally freaked out by me. Who knows what I could be for her. What if I was her future husband the father to her children? What if I could provide in such a way she never had to return to the job she hated?
(Yes, I am making assumptions on that – but many people here have a very tired and downtrodden look at the end of the day. I can spot misery a mile away, because it wasn’t all that long ago that I was the miserable one walking home.)
What if I was her Disney fantasies come true?
We’re assuming a lot here, but in my mind this is what every girl’s fantasy is. To not meet a guy in a sleazy bar or club, but to instead be stopped and charmed by a confident man on the street.
You’d think that she’d be willing to spend 30 seconds with me to find all of the above out. To find out my potential, where I’m from, whether she could see herself going on a date with me. Whether she could brag to all of her friends about the guy who ran down the street to catch her because he couldn’t resist himself.
But no…
The bus was more important.
Was my game perfect – no, absolutely not. I was too hustled to catch her, and too hustled with my speech. It was not a perfect attempt. However, it was good enough. Good enough for her to stop and give herself that chance to meet me.
A shaken reality.
I’m not going to lie, this new reality has been tough for me to take in. But after having several similar encounters in the last couple of days (where the girls were clearly intrigued, not creeped out, but had to rush off to something), I’m feeling pretty comfortable with stating this: girls are simply not putting men as a priority.
For the record, they’re still far more receptive to men than in America – while out at night recently, a friend of mine remarked to me that he could tell that men and women here don’t hate each other like they often do in the West.
However, this new reality of mine was definitely a reality check for myself. I think the issue lies somewhere in the middle of culture and biology. Culture tells women that they have all the time in the world to find a man these days, so to think outside of that box would require them to turn off the hamster to admit it.
I’m left with no choice – get better.
It’s time to start.
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“girls are simply not putting men as a priority.”
Not sure I’d 100% agree with this.
Simply put, your apparent value was not sufficient in that moment to override her desire to get home. If you’d been dressed in a custom Armani suit, pulled alongside her in a Ferrari (exaggerating for effect here) – different story perhaps.
It’s good to practise approach skills, but they’re no substitute for self-improvement, as I’m sure you know. You could spend years and years chasing women on the street, whilst improving your value by nothing (as a LOT of PUAs do) – or you can pursue it as a fleeting side-interest, whilst you invest 90% of the time into getting rich, and then several years down the line when you’re loaded, the whole thing just becomes easy mode, and you can access a whole new tier of women that won’t even look twice at you now, no matter how tight your game is.
I know you know this, but I always like to vent on this subject.
Well, the Ferrari is in the shop…what am I supposed to do? 😉
Yeah, I know you and I are on the same page with this. Self improvement is what got me to this point, not reading The Game and memorizing cheesy lines and routine. You know this as well as anyone once you got shredded.
BUT…that actually kind of proves my point.
I had nice clothes on (blazer/dress shoes). No custom Armani, but better dressed than 99% of people on that street.
Why not at least STOP and give me thirty seconds? Again, what if I’m the “end game” for her? Isn’t it worth 30 seconds to find that out?
She may have actually had a bus she had to catch. To borrow from Dr. Freud, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Of course. It (life) happens.
but my point still stands.
The next bus is five minutes later.
Isn’t it worth the risk to give me say…thirty seconds? Now she’ll never know.
Lucky girl.
Damn straight.
Why didn’t you get on that bus?
Also ( a girl here) she was probably ina relationship already, and tried to politely brush you off. But I’m sure she enjoyed the attention:)
I don’t have time to waste on women who won’t give me 30 seconds. On to the next.
I just wonder why some men/women suffer for or want somebody who doesn’t care for them. But don’t appreciate people who really love them. Maybe it was your luck she didn’t stop. You don’t know anything about her but saw only nice face and body.
Human nature is a strange thing.
She could be married or something like this.
Of course I didn’t know anything about her. That’s what I wanted to find out.
Do you think there is sense to waste time and think about person you don’t know at all?
You wouldn’t understand. You’re a girl. You’ve never had to approach a man and put your balls and heart on the line.
You live a life where things just come to you, from a romantic sense. Men have it better in other facets of life.
So yes, as a girl who is PASSIVE and can do little to control the outcome — you should give every man at least a couple of seconds.
Sure, she could have been married, but if she was she would have just said that.
Sure man usually makes first step but in relationship both have to make efforts. Men can’t build relationship genetically. If I am a woman it doesn’t mean my life is easier. It’s a man’s world.
I work hard and have lot of responsibility. I just don’t see any sense to be upset because some girl didn’t want to talk to you . But this is my opinion. Not more.
What about woman’s feelings when men lie in order to get sex, cheat, hurt? Should women hate all men? I am sure every single woman in this world had bad experience : cheating or lie. I am sure lot of men on this forum who write disgusting things about women they didn’t analyze their own actions. Nobody is saint.
Just trust in best and move on.
We are not talking about ANY of those things.
You are overreaching.
We are talking about approaching the first time, which women never do.
Perspective.
It’s a tough one. If you stop a woman to tell her she’s hot, I wonder if subconsciously thinks “I’m hot, I’m more valuable…and…what will I tell my friends how I met this guy? It’s too embarrassing to admit I got picked up at a bus stop” [sidebar – although finding the ‘one’ on Tinder is total legit…]
I don’t think that’s an embarrassing story. That’s a Disney-esque fantasy.
…if that’s her bus schedule to and from work then you know where to be and when to be there for another encounter – not saying to ‘stalk’ her – just saying, that bus stop, on that street, at that time of day is where you’ll probabaly find her again. You might turn up to ride the bus with her. “Hi – I’m the guy who thinks your amazingly, stunningly beautiful and I want to introduce myself. If you don’t mind, may I sit with you?” or something like that… she thanked you for the compliment the first time. I think she’ll appreciated a second time too.
I couldn’t do this. Not in a million years. Way too much of a lack of abundance mindset. That’s valuable time it would take me to go and try to time a meeting like that. Never worth it.
The “may I sit next to you” line is really not me either. I never ask.
I mean, I’m genuinely curious – have you tried something like this? Timing a second run in?
lack of abundance – valuable time – worth – I never ask – timing a second run in – go get what you want. get it how you want – whatever – your’s is as as good as the next – I got mine – you got yours?
You didn’t answer the question.
Going up to a chick you just saw and telling her you thought she was cute is spontaneous.
Staking her out, telling her you think she’s “amazingly, stunningly beautiful” has just crossed the line waaay over into extremely creepy.
It’s just also not a high value move.
A high value man has far better things to do with his time.
EXACTLY! Don’t be THAT thirsty guy. 😉
not thirst – just going after it – once? twice? three times? go get it.
Going to that bus stop again definitely would fall into creepy.
Winner winner.
high value what? far better things than being with a beautiful woman – like what?
Than wait at a bus stop to find a girl who already made it clear that meeting him wasn’t a priority?
I can think of a few things.
Gym.
Business.
Other girls.
so be spontaneous again – doh.
Her “eyes sparkled slightly”? She didn’t like you. If she liked you she would’ve stopped and caught the next bus. She was just buzzing off the attention. And you have no idea what life she’s going home to because you don’t know her.
Did I not write multiple times that I “assumed” a few things?
It’s all good, I just wouldn’t take it personally or project such expectations on strangers. It only leads to disappointment. She could be married, in a relationship, late for a second job or class, rushing home to care for a sick relative etc. All you know is that she seemed to enjoy the positive attention but didn’t have time to stop.
Oh, no offense taken (from her or you) – I realize now my initial response may have sounded a bit bitter there.
Yes, there are a million factors that go into it – all of the above could be true.
Ultimately it’s just on to the next!
Great critical comment though, much appreciated.
Thanks – I usually don’t comment (critically or not) unless the article made me think. Great blog!
Thank you much!
The girl in the pic above is a doll.
If not for the banner I would have copied the pic.
I’ll see if I can find the original.
Yeah, I think she’s some hybrid mix of beauty.
Maybe she is married or has a bf. If i talked to any man who wants to talk to me on the streets or restaurants i would not have time for myself and my life.
lol, and how many times has this happened to you in your life?
What exactly?
You’ve been approached by a man in the street.
I don’t count. It happens from time to time.
“If I talked to EVERY man who wanted to talk to me on the street I would not have time for my life”
“It happens from TIME TO TIME.”
Strong logic there dear.
Nothing is wrong with logic. Should i count?
More than that mostly in the street who try to talk are foreigners. I don’t talk to foreigners in the street. Only if they ask how to find some place.
EE men usually don’t try to pick up women in the steet. They can say smth nice, compliment but withount any intention. Or they can help if woman needs a help etc…
EE has a social circle where men can find girls very easily.
Unfortunately those social circles are not accessible to us foreigners unless we spend a lot of time in a city.
For our men is not easy to meet a woman too.
It’s nothing like the US.
I regularly see ugly dudes with beautiful girls. Things are different.
Where do you see ugly dudes with beautiful girls?
It means these dudes have money ))) not all beautiful girls have brain.
Everywhere in Ukraine there are stunning girls with guys who look like they had their face caved in with a shovel.
Yes and no. I don’t know which cities of Ukraine you visit. There are beautiful women and handsome men. I agree that are more nice women. Our women don’t care too much if man is beautiful or not)) we choose men for family for their deeds. But anyway in my environment men and women are nice and stylish what I can’t say about American people in general. Plus lot of fat people. American men are too far from being stylish, either women – in general.
So you’re Ukrainian?
I’ve been to kiev and Odessa
Yes
Where are you from?
Ukrainian girls are the most shallow, gold digging, ball busting women in all of the former Soviet Union. You are wasting your time trying to get honesty or sense out of one.
This happened in Poland.
This reminds me of a story. I saw a very pretty girl at the gym a few weeks ago. She was doing cardio with her friend. I was almost done with my workout, had just a few sets left. After I finished I grabbed a drink of water and saw her by a machine doing the whole stretch-my-leg-to-the-ceiling-and-show-off-my-flexibility thing. I came up to her from the side and said, “Hi!” with a smile. She was like “oh hi are you using this??” I said, “No, I just saw you and wanted to say I think you’re very pretty” again with a smile. She thanked me, I introduced myself and got her name. I asked her what she does, if she’s from my town, blah blah blah.. All this bullshitting goes okay for a minute. I then just go for the brass ring and make my point known by saying, “I dont mean to be too forward or anything but are you single?”, she says “I am, actually.” I then said, “Oh well would you like to maybe go out sometime and get some coffee or tea or something?”
She says, “Maybe I would if I knew you a little bit better…”
I then say all of this, “Well I figured we could get to know each other over coffee, because ever since I graduated college it’s just been harder to meet new people because I work so much and when I see someone in a random place like you that I want to get to know, I dont get to cross paths with them more than once.”
(In my mind I was just being totally honest with her. Not playing any games. Just kind, cordial, to the point, Gods honest truth. Because after college it hasnt been as abundant.)
She says this, “Ahhh you see I just got outta this thing with this other guy… Sooo…”
(at this point I knew she was just trying to be nice about turning me down and really had no interest)
I was like “oh ok.”
Then she says, “I don’t want to say no to you right now, so maybe if I see you again I might take you up on that.”
I then said “well it was nice meeting you and hve a good workout”
I walked away feeling angry. Angry that I did everything right. I was like you! My game wasnt 100 percent, my posture and demeanor was a little nervous but I didn’t scare her off! She was smiling and appreciative of my compliment. But still. No fucking coffee….
I ask her out to the most low key and safest thing in the world and she says “maybe, if I knew you better”??? Cmon wtf am I supposed to do with that?
Then she says she doesn’t want to turn me down (even though thats exactly what she’s doing) and says she MIGHT want to if she sees me again. I’ve been going to the same small gym for a year and never saw her once. She wont see me again…
These women want to meet mr. right and they want it to “just happen”. There I was! I happened! And she just glossed me over. The bus was too important! As you say so poetically! Lol
I tried playing the numbers game and approaching women by being honest and up front. I tried to read them and be curious about them and do all of this charming shit for them and show them who I am, because all I want is a nice girlfriend. I’ve even had many successful interactions with many pretty girls. But they all end the same way. They’re not interested. I didn’t “say the right thing.” I wasn’t “good enough”. I wasn’t this, I wasn’t that.
And truth be told… I not once enjoyed any of it. I never enjoyed talking to hot girl at the gym. The hot girl at whole foods. The hot girl anywhere. NONE of them ever had anything interesting to say or ads to my life other than just looking hot.
So I got so tired and angry of jumping through all of the same dog-and-pony acts just to show women that I’m actually a good guy! And all I could do was just sit there and hope that they grace me with a damn coffee date.
This entire process is miserable. All of the rejection I could actually tolerate if it weren’t for women themselves being such a fucking bore.
How long do I have to do this, and for what? So that I can continue to add value to their life in return for nothing? And yes, I’m a good looking dude, 27, own a house, got my shit together, doesn’t do drugs, I dont even drink!
The best interactions have been because the woman made it known to me that she liked me. They actually did the pursuing. But later I would dump them because I would find out they’re such low value women, I couldn’t even tolerate having them around. Theyd have side guys, they would lie, had daddy issues, one girl was 23 and didn’t even know how to drive a car.
So when I see that beautiful girl and want to say hi and think “what if she’s my princess?”… I stop myself and think about all the other times I’ve needlessly felt the same about other women and I tell myself, “Fuck it man. Shes just a girl and all this bullshit doesn’t even matter.”
Then I tell myself to just work on my goals and I am and I do! Things are awesome! But at the end of every day, I still long for my princess. Just sick and tired of this game.
Its like im the foolish guy at the casino. Every emotional quarter is worth 1 approach. The rooms full of slot machine beautiful women. I spend my quarter approach on her and I only get back what she decides. 99 percent of the time she takes the quarter from me and gives me nothing. The other one percent I might get a nickel back. I’m running out of quarters man. The emotional banks running low.
Thanks for reading my long comment. Just wanted to share my thoughts and perspective. And I’m not just talking to you. Im talking to all guys and all girls out there dating. It makes no sense, this game. It makes me feel like I’m literally wasting my life and my precious time.
Hope everything makes sense.
Sean,
It’s a long comment and makes sense, but it also brings an issue to the table…
Read it again. You seem bitter and full of hatred towards the world.
No woman will find that attractive. Ever.
Sorry I had to be the one to tell you.
Kyle
Some women do find that attractive though. I know some who literally, and I mean literally, deem those men the most desirable and actively seek them out.
Believe it or not, misery is a fetish for some people. They can’t live without a miserable man.
That woman has proved that local dating is bad as online dating is.
If a man wants to continue running and chasing after women who are not interested in him, I say to him good luck.
But, if he goes to Ukraine or the Philippines, he can let the beautiful women run and chase after him. That is so much better.
Wow. Get over yourself. As a working woman, I know that after a day at work, all you want to do is go home and /take care of yourself/. Whether that means bathing, eating, watching TV, sleeping, finishing your work, ironing your clothes, physical and psychological self-care is more important than some guy you don’t even know.
Not all women are so thirsty as to wonder, “Gee, well, maybe he could be my dream guy.” No sane, self-respecting woman is thinking that. Ever.
Literally anything you want to do, when you are a self-sufficient woman, is more important than appeasing some desperate penis-wielder you met on the STREET.
Get over yourself.
Go away girl.