There is one word that’s tossed around way too much these days.
It’s not the word itself so much as it is the use as a way to start a sentence.
“So…how are you today?”
“So” is a terrible way to try to transition to another piece of conversation. Now, in the spirit of self-improvement, I’m writing this to help men eliminate the use of this word in their interactions with women. But, it’s important to note that women are just as guilty as men are in this endeavor. For women, they typically drop their “so’s” in the following fashion:
“So…what do you do?”
“So…have you traveled at all?”
“So…how much money do you make?”
Okay, the last one is a bit extreme; the majority of women will have a little more tact than that. You should get the point that I’m making. Most men who have been on a first date with a women are familiar with getting bombarded with the interview style questions kicked off with a “so”. Frankly, I find them to be boring and mundane questions that either hint that I wasn’t doing a good job keeping up the conversation – or perhaps she truly is a dull and boring person.
So (ha!), let’s talk about how to eliminate all of these “so’s” from your own vocabulary, and then talk about how to hold a conversation so a woman can’t bombard you with them.
A Man’s Vocabulary
If you’re on a date with a pretty lady, you’re typically going to be driving the conversation along. You lead, she follows. The ones who just talk non-stop are usually annoying. My first date strategies are really are designed to get rid of the “So…” moments.
You know what those moments are? Admittance of feeling awkward.
If you can’t keep up the conversation and are forced to blatantly segway by using that one word, then you simply need to improve your conversation skills. You should have stories designed to draw her into your world and ask you questions.
Your statements should make her eyes sparkle and draw intrigue.
Learn to transition smoothly. At no point should you have to use “so” as a way to turn the conversation on to her – remember, she doesn’t want the pressure. Most girls will respond much better to simply getting lost in the moment with you. They don’t want to perform. I don’t buy the bullshit that women talk three times as much as men. Most women worth their salt will happily listen to a man. The ones who do talk that much are usually self-conceited. I don’t want to hear three times as much out of their mouth when it just revolves around her boring job, stereotypical travel stories, and the Kardashians.
Here’s just a few ways to tell stories well:
- Slow down your speech. I struggle with this often, as I get animated. Especially when drinking.
- Use vivid detail. Talk about how it made you feel.
- Be passionate about it. If you didn’t enjoy it, it’s not a story worth telling.
- Use your hands. To emphasize points, and to touch her. Do not get extremely animated with them, they are a subtle weapon to be used, not a nuclear bomb.
What should your stories be about? Anything.
- Hobbies, if they’re good. I play guitar, example:”I originally started playing to impress a girl, needless to say that didn’t work. Coicidentally, she ended up running off with a metal guitarist – literally. He joined the military and she moved to Hawaii with him at 18. When I was learning, I struggled for so long with how to play bar chords, but once I got the hang of it…it was like I conquered a mountain. All of a sudden it was like the entire musical alphabet was opened up to me. Now I’ve been playing for over ten years and have impressed plenty of girls with it since, but if I didn’t really love it from the start, I never would have kept up with it.”
- Traveling makes panties wet. And truthfully, it doesn’t even matter what you’ve done. Before I went to Europe last year, I hadn’t traveled much. But I’d tell the story about how I went to the Caribbean with my ex-girlfriend, talk about how hot Florida is, and how clear the water is in the Caribbean. Even though it was a stereotypical American vacation (Disneyworld, Caribbean cruise, swim with dolphins in the Bahamas), it still elicited good reactions.
- Sex. I go into a lot more detail here and in my book with The Questions Game. But you should have good sex stories to tell, and bring them up in a way that doesn’t make you look like a perv.
Storytelling is an art and this is truly just the tip of the iceberg. It’s really a simple formula though: be an interesting man, do interesting things, and you will always have interesting stories to tell. If you don’t have any interesting stories, go out and get them.
The Woman’s Side
As I said, a woman who consistently throws out “so’s” on a date is doing it to relieve the tension. Now, sexual tension is good, but you have to handle it appropriate. If she starts hitting you with the typical questions, it’s perfectly okay to say the following on a date. Tone is key.
“These questions?! Naww let’s do something else that’s more fun. Let’s play…the questions game.”
Transition as described in the aforementioned posts.
Basically, the goal is to re-take control of the interaction. She doesn’t want to deal with the awkwardness, so you set a path to avoid it with the questions game. For the rest of the date, you get to play the game. Instead of awkward pauses, it simply becomes, “Your turn or mine?”
NO MORE “SO’S.”
What stories do you tell women on your dates? Let’s hear them below.