Last updated: March 5, 2018

How to Write a Panty Moistening Tinder Bio



Having a killer Tinder bio is one of the most important part of meeting girls on Tinder.

There’s really nothing more to it. If she doesn’t like what she sees on your Tinder bio, you’re done. It doesn’t matter how witty you are, or how good your game is.

If she doesn’t like your Tinder bio, she’s gonna swipe left.

With that being said, Tinder is absolutely a numbers game. One of the best investments you can make in your sex life is to get your Tinder bio down pat so that you have a steady stream of girls always coming to you.


Write your Tinder bio correctly and you could be balls deep inside her.

Women are bored.

There’s a reason women want to be dominated. There’s a reason 50 Shades of Grey sells so damn well.

Again, they’re bored.

So…don’t be boring.

And this goes even more true for online game – it’s the easiest form of “game” – so the most men will use it. This means that she has the most options out of anywhere.

Learn how to crack online dating: Cracking OkCupid

If you have a typical Tinder bio that describes your boring job and doesn’t engage her emotionally, she’s not going to be hooked on you. Sure she may still swipe right on you for your photos, but if you give her a reason to want to message you, or at least respond to your message, your chances of getting her out on a date rise significantly.

That’s what matters – how many dates are you getting and how many are you having sex with? I don’t particularly care if I get 5,000 matches if none of them meet me. I’d much rather get 10 matches and have two of them willing to meet me.

Against my somewhat better judgment, I’m posting my full Tinder bio here, knowing full well this is going to be repeatedly copied (I admit: the suga mama part is something I modified from…somewhere. Maybe The Game. I can’t remember.)

[thrive_text_block color=”dark” headline=”MY TINDER BIO”]

First, a test:

1.)? or ? ?

2.) ? or ??

3.) ? or ? ?

New to LA. No, I don’t work in “the industry” ?

I’m a well-endowed beautiful stallion looking for a suga mama to wine and dine him. Expensive dinners, elaborate vacations, and a monthly spending allowance are required. Ferrari 458 is a required up-front payment.

Also…I’m kinda sarcastic ?



You’ve probably heard of the 80/20 rule in some part of life.

20% of the people in the world have 80% of the money.

You can 80% of your work done in the 20% portion of the day that you’re the most focused.

Well, you can apply the 80/20 rule to Tinder as well. This means that 20% of the men on Tinder (who have strong bios, pics, and game) are having sex with 80% of the women on Tinder (assuming they are willing to at least meet in person).

I know guys who won’t listen to my advice that can’t get one Tinder date. Meanwhile, I could easily have a date every night of the week if I wanted to. And hell, I go through phases where I do go on five dates a week; it’s exhausting, but that’s a story for another time.

The thing is, it’s really not all that difficult to break into that top 20%. Just look at this profile that GQ (G-fucking-Q!!!) promotes on their website:

What not to write in your Tinder bio
What not to write in your Tinder bio


Just look at that Tinder bio. It’s completely feminine. It sucks. I question whether Francis has a penis.

That is all the proof you need to show that you don’t have to do all that much to rise into the top 20%. If mainstream sites like GQ are pushing that kind of bullshit…man. You all know it’s easy to be better than Francis.


The funny thing is that men are known as being the sex who is shallow and only cares about looks. Over the last couple weeks I’ve been comprehensively testing if women truly read your Tinder bio text. I’ve pretty much developed a foolproof way of proving they do not read your profile at all.

How, you ask?

Well, my Tinder bio now says the below…in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS.

(It’s followed by most of the above bio)

[thrive_text_block color=”dark” headline=”NEW TINDER BIO – WOMEN ARE SHALLOW”]

I’m a writer who makes my living blogging, authoring books, and traveling the world.



Yes, my website where I talk about having sex with women is smack in the middle of my Tinder bio.

And do you know how many women have mentioned it to me?


Every girl I’ve matched, every number I’ve gotten – none of them have mentioned my website. Which is funny, because I actually will go back and read a girl’s profile once I’ve matched her and started exchanging a couple of messages. It’s become obvious to me that women aren’t even reading their match’s Tinder bio these days.

And they say men are shallow.


It should be noted that several have still taken my test – so it’s possible they’re just too lazy to go and type the web address in. I would be, too.

However, I think times have changed – women are so overwhelmed by the amount of attention they get on these sites, sometimes they just pass it by.

With this post, you now have the keys to the kingdom.

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      1. It should be instant or at least as soon as payment is confirmed. Changing pictures and so on needs manual approval and it can take about 2-24h

          1. Amex is american express?

            If so it is pretty much non-existent in Poland. Here in Poland we don’t use it, so not many stores bother to accept it. Most stores accept visa or master card. And it should be safe bet.

            And I think same thing goes for other central European countries.

          2. Yeah, but sympatica said they accepted AMEX. I tried to use both an AMEX and MasterCard to top off my SIM online but it didn’t work either. So it seems to be on my end. I will just have to use PayPal for online transactions. Both AMEX and MC have worked fine in stores for me so far.

          3. Well if you have MasterCard you are safe. It it sure to be accepted everywhere. I use it myself and never had any trouble. For AMEX I suppose Krakow is tourist destination so it’s more likely to be accepted there.

            btw. how is the air there? It is well known fact that Kraków have one of biggest levels of air pollution in Poland.

          4. Same here, and the weather does not help either. You can have 20 C and 2 hours later 10 or even 5 and nights are cold. It is pretty easy to get sick and you never know what to wear this time of year. You gonna see ppl in winter clothes next to someone in t-shirt

  1. I have a found a good number of women read it. I have 1 line in my bio in particular “bubble butt nicer than yours” (disclaimer, I have a big ass from years of rugby and squatting, so I can back this up). I have gotten quite a few messages from women proclaiming their teasingly false outrage at this statement along with demands to prove it.

    But being good looking will beat the wittiest tinder bio any day of the week.

    1. HA, that’s actually brilliant. I might test it out – though overseas I think that humor will be lost.

      Yes, obviously the first rule of Tinder is to be hot – but what’s the second one you referred to on Tinder?

  2. Hey Kyle – you’re not very sharp bro. GQ obvi went for the humorous approach. That this dude is insinuating/kidding that he’s a pedophile. (sepia filter, attire, glasses, facial expression, Lolita quote). Not to say that GQ is not total horse shit when it comes to actual advice. It should be called TP lol.

    Keep up the good work tho

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