She very well might ask me to commit after this. Will she cut it off when, not if, I shut that down? Who knows. What I do know is that my frame is strong as fuck with her. I’m 22, and I’m not willing to give up everything I’ve worked for on my game to commit to her. Game isn’t a mean to an ends for me, it’s not a game that ends when the first pretty girl wants to settle down with me. I would love to have her as a primary long-term girlfriend. See her 2-3 nights a week, do the sleepover and relationship stuff, but still be gaming on the side.
Read my post here to get an idea of what’s going on.
Not more than 24 hours after I wrote that post (I wrote it on Wednesday and published yesterday), I was at sitting at a cocktail bar with Holly. I had already met her parents, and roughly a dozen of her friends in her hometown. As I’m leaning back on the couch and sipping a gin and tonic, she remarks to me…
“You’re sitting on this couch in the middle of a bar like you own the place and it’s <the couch> literally in your freaking house.”
For a lack of a better term, I had a “moment” then. I knew I had her. She was leaning into me, pawing for my attention, vying for my affection. She was in my world, and was thankful to be a part of it. How did it come to this?
Several months ago, when we were nowhere near serious, I casually brought up my blog to Holly. I mentioned how I have a weekly column at ROK, that I get a lot of emails, and that I like to help guys (and girls) figure out their dating lives and give advice. She started laughing. She then asked if I was seeing other girls. I said yes. She was shocked and started laughing again. Then said something along the lines of, “You’re lying! You’re such a nice guy and you’re a computer nerd! How are you possibly qualified to give advice?!” Note, this was all done in good taste, though it sounds bad when writing characters on a screen.
So she really thought I was just some dorky computer nerd who had no game and eyes for no one but her. I guess sometimes it’s okay to come in under the radar a bit.
I’m telling this story because it’s important for the background of her asking for commitment. Prior to Wednesday night, she had never seen me out at a bar except if we were just grabbing a drink. She had never seen me out in a large group of people, had never seen my “game” so to speak. So what do you think happened? Naturally, her parents loved me and her mom begged me to stay another day last night. I charmed the shit out of her dozen girlfriends that came out to the bar, and made good friends and shot some pool with the guys. I ignored her for a very large chunk of the night, and mingled amongst everybody; making friends, answering questions about her and I, and just generally being the cool, socially capable guy that everybody likes. Thank fucking God for game!
Holly never saw it coming. Poor girl never had a chance.
Back to the couch. We’re approaching the end of the night. I’m at such ease with myself, and my environment, I’m literally sprawled across the couch. I’ve got my legs up and I’m taking up half of it, leaning back like a king overlooking his kingdom. Holly is cuddled up next to me and in her slightly buzzed state is becoming quite talkative…about me. About how she feels about me, how she loves that I made such good friends with everyone and could mingle around, and that…she thinks she wants more, but doesn’t know for sure, she’s confused. I ask her flat out what she wants from me, and she says that she wants monogamy, but not the title. I chuckle and tell her that with monogamy typically comes the boyfriend/girlfriend title. Eventually, she fesses up that she really likes me and would like to be with just me, but doesn’t want to force me into anything I’m not ready for. She says that I’m enough for her that she won’t want to see other people (and hasn’t been for a while, unbeknownst to me). I decide while she’s spilling her heart that it’s okay to turn off the alpha and throw her a bone, admitting that I have been seeing “less” other girls because she has become more interesting and important to me. This isn’t a lie, but I attribute part of that due to the increasingly cold weather and increased productivity in my writing of late.
I throw out open relationships, stating that I’d like her to be my only girl who I do the “relationship stuff” with, i.e. going to dinners, mutual friends, and date things. Basically anything that involves money, hah! She thinks on it for a bit and says that she simply won’t be able to handle it. She’s too jealous.
The problem is she’s too wishy-washy, which I expected. I can see right through it though: she wants to be with me, but is terrified of demanding outright commitment because she doesn’t want to scare me off. The curse of it all is, that if I do commit, she automatically loses some level of attraction to me. Isn’t biology screwed up?
To wrap this up, in the end, I turned the masculinity back on and made a firm decision. I told her I wasn’t going to commit yet, but that I would like to start seeing more of her and see what happens, which isn’t a lie. Rather than once a week, I told her we were going to start seeing each other two to three times a week and I would see how that went. In addition, I’d like to start bringing her around some of my friends, and even invited her to spend a couple days prior to Christmas with my family. Of course, she was scared of that, because when I met her whole family *I* was in the spotlight and it makes her nervous to be in the same position I was.
Why? Because I’m her rock in life. The steady one during her roller coaster of emotions. The one that can handle the tough social situations thrown my way, and bat them off in such a way that I’m comfortable enough to sprawl across a couch in a bar with a gin and tonic and smirk, knowing that my life is pretty damn good.