I’ll be damned if this this to convince a girl to cheat again – but it’s something I have to share.
Note: don’t bother trying this on typical American girls. You’re better off just treating them like garbage.
It’s Saturday night in Barranquilla, Colombia. I’d already got my flag in – on the first night, no less. But my goal was to get two to three new notches, and after coming tantalizing close with a girl who had an ass the size of Colombia itself the night before, I was at full load. We’d planned to go out and get a bottle later that night, but I had this girl coming over at 7pm.
Looked fantastic in her photos, and looked good in person, too. Solid 7, probably a 7.5 when she’s dressed up and working that Colombia booty.
Not speaking fluent Spanish really helped me on this trip. I just bypassed the entire date and invited them straight over, citing my need for a translator to talk to them and my lack of service anywhere but inside of my apartment – both of which were true.
While some girls balked at it, the majority thought nothing of it. The doorman got used to our daily routine of bringing girls over and walking them out less than two hours later. He’d give me a fist bump every time after the first two.
So after dealing with the “hold-her-hand” strategy that I had down to a science, she showed up. You can read that whole strategy here.
I knew Colombian women were flaky.
I had no idea how flaky.
There were days I had four dates set up and none of them came through. There were several that cancelled on me two minutes before we were supposed to meet. Even the ones I did get out took a lot of work.
You must hold their hand every step of the way. As a high-value foreigner, you really can’t “over text” them.
You need to text them throughout the entire process. Give them a time. Ask them when they are leaving. Tell them to call a taxi. Text them while they are in route. I really have nogood explanation as to why it is so much work, but keeping in constant touch throughout the interaction was how I had the most success.
So she shows up. Doorman gives me a wink as I parade her past. I’m doing my typical routine of making fun of myself and my lack of Spanish; “Soy super gringo”, with a ridiculously enunciated ‘R’ thrown in for good measure.
Pile her into the small elevator, a convenient excuse to start touching her. Unlock the door to the apartment, introduce her to my two buddies. Tell her to come with me, as the wine and my computer translator are in my room. Oh, there’s nowhere to sit but the bed? What a shame. Well, my friends are both working, have no desks in their rooms and I don’t want to disturb them…
As you can see, every move I make is pretty well calculated. The idea is to get them to the place of easiest sex (the bedroom) with every innuendo of not having sex. It’s easy to let the hamster do it’s work when there’s no other options. We obviously aren’t going to sit in the living room and speak on the translator to each other with two other people in the room. In the bedroom, there’s nothing but a bed. Take note: the key attention to details works, men. Don’t make getting laid harder when simply handling the small things can move things along much faster than expected.
This was my fifth date with a girl who didn’t speak any English, so by this time I had it pretty well down. Pour wine (generously), and never let her get empty – otherwise it’s too easy to keep track of it, “Oh, I’ve had two drinks, can’t have anymore”. You want to avoid this.
Yap away on the translator, and gradually move to my panty-moistening questions game that I’ve perfected over the years. Things are going perfectly as planned until I go for the kiss and get rebuffed.
I backtrack as per usual, and try again in ten minutes.
I’m worried that she’s another time-waster who just wanted to meet the Los Angeles boy for the novelty of it, and so I start to probe her as to why she’s here. I ask her the last time she had sex was – she answers that it was last week. I ask who with?
Turns out, she has a boyfriend in Bogota.
Yet, she’s here with me, on her second glass of wine. On my bed. She obviously wants it – at this point I’m just hoping her boyfriend isn’t a Colombian mobster with contacts in Barranquilla.
So I probe a bit more and find out that the long distance thing is hard on her. I explain that I had a recent long distance relationship that didn’t work out, and that I understand she has physical needs as a woman that clearly aren’t being satisfied. Clearly, this opens her up because the next kiss attempt is a go. I start gradually escalating but get stopped again.
So I backtrack again to logic.
I tell her on Google translate that she shouldn’t feel bad, because she should be happy and satisfied. That I’m only in town for another day or two, and that I would never destroy her relationship with her boyfriend. I tell her that she and I can be whatever she wishes – a one time fuck and forget, or we can keep in light touch after I leave. Either way, I tell her that if her physical needs aren’t being met – I’m a better alternative than fucking a local. I’m exotic, a good kisser (she had already complimented that), and that I probably won’t ever come back. I’ll be her dirty little secret.
She gets up to go to the bathroom. Comes back out and sits on the bed, clearly deep in thought. I use the bathroom to show her that she’s free to go.
Something shifts when I’m in there, because when I’m back there’s clearly a bit of a tingle in her eye as I kiss her again. This time I get no resistance at all. I get all of her clothes off and penetrate her within three minutes. I figure her boyfriend probably isn’t a very good fuck to begin with so I rough her up a bit. At first she’s timid as she had never cheated before, but within a couple of minutes she becomes a bit of a hellcat and is scratching me up plenty.
We finish up and I walk her downstairs, happy that she left of her own accord so I can go out with the boys.
It’s so ironic that sometimes last minute resistance can be such a battle, and that this time – all it took was a little logic to get her to spread her legs.
Colombia, I miss you.
If you have an interest in going to Colombia, or other Latin countries – consider checking out the Bang Black Friday package I put out with my two travel buddies. Included in the package is:
- The Tinder Template by Masculine Profiles (normally: $9.99)
- A Bachelor’s Guide to Central America by Masculine Profiles (normally: $9.99)
- Traveling with Tinder by Masculine Profiles (normally: $2.99)
- Cracking OkCupid by Trouble Maker (normally: $14.97)
- Pick Up Spanish Course by El Conquistador (normally: $67)
- Bang the DR by El Conquistador ($14 value)
- Gaming ‘Grade A’ Colombian by Nacimiento ($17 value)