Last updated: May 14, 2014

Field Report: You can fuck me, but you can’t kiss me.



What.  A.  Nightmare.  I’m ready to give up on dating completely.

OKCupid date.  She comes over to my place for tacos and margaritas. Seriously guys, if you can’t cook and make a few basic drinks, this is a skill you NEED to have.  Be generous with the amount of liquor you put in the margaritas.  While I don’t condone getting a girl shit faced and fucking her, I would say…ONE drink significantly increases your chances of scoring.

Plus, she’s a single mom.  And has purple hair.

Anywho, at 6:55 (planned to meet at 7) she texts me telling me she’s leaving soon.  At…7:51 she finally calls me to tell me she’s here.  I proceed to drink two vodka tonics in this time frame.  At this point I’m irritated but this is minimized by the fact I’ve got two drinks in me.  Nonetheless, I tell her she’s damn lucky this was at my place, as if it had been a bar I would’ve been long gone.  She apologizes and is looking good so I harass her a bit and bring her upstairs.  Give her the tour, and start making drinks.  I bring the margaritas to the couch and sit down, start talking.  She starts getting fucking SASSY at this point telling me she’s hungry.  I seriously can’t believe this girl.  I tell her to shut it and relax for a few more minutes, before announcing that *I’m* hungry, and I start to cook.  I whip up the tacos and we sit down and eat.  Like most girls, she’s incapable of eating finger food and makes a mess everywhere.  Throughout the whole meal she’s just giving off the vibe that she’s an ungrateful bitch.  Giving me sass, and overall just not pleasant to be around.  I continue to plow forward, determined to break her down and see if there’s something sweet underneath.  At this point it’s too late in the evening for me to call someone else or hit the bars solo, so I figured I’d just put it all out there.

Eventually I lure her into the bedroom when she starts complaining (yes, AGAIN) about how hot it is in the living room.  I say some bullshit like, “well my bedroom gets better circulation and I’m too lazy to bring the fan out here.”  Yes, I am a shady bastard sometimes.  The bedroom has a guitar and speakers so I play that card.  At this point she has rejected NUMEROUS attempts to kiss her.  She keeps pulling away and I tell her she is free to go.  I turn off the music and check my email.  Classic freeze-out as depicted by many PUAs in the past.  Eventually, I give up on kissing her and just start kissing her neck and running my hands all over her body.  I start to finger fuck her and she stops me.  I roll over and turn off the music again.  She starts whining, “Why did you stop?!”

Because you made me, ya dumb bitch…

Okay.  Not really.
Okay. Not really.

After an hour or so of this back and forth game I put a condom on and she grabs my cock and puts it inside.  At this point she STILL HASN’T LET ME KISS HER.  Girls make absolutely no sense sometimes.  I’m actually really proud of myself for overcoming the resistance; it was one of the tougher situations I’ve had.  At the same time, part of me regrets it because, well, I just wanted to get my fuck on and she wasn’t really a quality girl (personality wise).  10 strokes in, she says she has to pee.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  She takes a solid 5 minutes to do this and then comes out whining that her stomach hurts.  Whatever, sex is over.  I jerk myself off.  I get a noise complaint for the music, awesome.  She whines that she’s tired and doesn’t want to drive home.  I begrudgingly agree to let her spend the night.  I’m at the point that I still feel bad about kicking a girl out after sex; but I think last night changed this.

She proceeds to spend the entire night kicking me, hogging the bed, stealing the sheets, and yet still whining about how hot or cold she is.  Her alarm goes off at 5:00am.  Then 5:10.  Irritated, I ask what time she has to be up.  “6am.”

I fucking HATE those people that snooze for an hour, especially if there is someone else in the bed.  I tell her to turn off all her alarms and set one for 6am or to leave now.  She sets it for 6.   Damn.  I couldn’t fall back asleep, so at 6am, I get up, walk her out.  Now I’ve hit the gym and had a protein shake and I’m in a much better mood.  Regardless though, I’m exhausted, and my initial plan to sleep in a bit and hit the gym this afternoon instead of the morning is gone.  Now I’ve had my worse night of sleep all week and have another girl coming tonight, with no time to nap at all today.

Lessons learned: don’t put up with an unpleasant girl just for a notch, it’s not worth it.  Don’t let them spend the night if I really don’t want them to.  Finally, that my tactics for LMR have really gotten better and I’m hopeful this is no longer a sticking point for me.

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  1. I stopped using okc a few weeks ago after one too many awkward dates lol. My coworker showed me and I’m a big fan of that over the others in terms of actually meeting people vs. just entertainment. It has a different approach that feels less sketchy cause you and your friends essentially act as “wingmen”. I like that it helps you find things to do too. Skout’s okay too, but still has it’s fair share of creepers

    1. Wait, you’re a girl though. What seems “easier” and “less creepy” for you could easily translate to “jumping through more hoops,” and “more attention whoring girls” for me.

      Nonetheless, I’ll try it out and let you know what I find.

  2. I hope your approach has changed over the years bc is so trash. It honestly sounds like she just wasn’t feeling you and I can totally see why.

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