As a young guy who did his fair share of OKCupid and online dating, I’m well aware of the struggles and frustrations of the endeavor. The typical steps of progressing through online dating seem to go like this, for most guys:
- No replies whatsoever
- Finally a few lukewarm replies
- Eventually, some numbers, but no dates
- Dates, but often flake
- Consistent dates, no lays
- Finally, consistent lays
The good news, lads, is that I’m going to help you shortcut it all with these five tips that will help you right off the bat.
Online dating is no excuse to be a pussy in the real world. You should still be approaching at day, night, etc. However, it’s nice to have good and steady leads through online dating. One or two hours on a Wednesday of messaging girls, while writing blogs and drinking beer, could easily net me five new phone numbers.
1.) Leave Some Mystery
Too many guys make the mistake of making their profile look like it belongs on Instagram. I experienced much better success when I removed my 10 photos down to just two. From there, I even took it down to one photo at some points. Is this because I’m an ugly butt munch? No, most people tell me I’m above average in the looks department. However, you must understand with online dating, that girls are looking for a way to disqualify you. On anything.
Shirt too big in one photo? He has no style. Doesn’t like your body language? Ugh he doesn’t carry himself well. You have a hotter girl in one photo. What a player, douchebag.
So take away their ability to do this. Take two photos of yourself, and make them good. If you’re doing activities in it, even better. Shirtless pictures, even if you’re ripped, are hit or miss. A shirtless picture of you playing beach volleyball is better than a shirtless mirror selfie. Personally, I used a photo of me playing guitar, with my side showing. I set the photo to black and white. It left all sorts of mystery, and girls rarely had a problem with me only having the one picture until we moved to texting, in which they would ask for another.
2.) Lie – A Little Bit
If you’re below 6’0″, add two inches to your height. If she calls you on it in person, fucking own it. If you display your income, add an extra 10 grand to your salary. Depending on your age, you can display how much money you make…if you make good money. If you don’t make good money, hopefully they will assume it’s because you make good money and want to weed out gold diggers. You can lie a little bit about your body type – if you’re overweight, “average” is fair game (trust me, girls are the worst at this one).
The important thing is to keep it all within reason. This means if you’re really 5’5″, you can’t put that you’re 5’11”. It means if you put that you make $150,000/year, you can’t show up driving the Civic you drove in college. It means if you’re a fatass, you can’t put that you have an athletic build.
3.) Congruency, Congruency, Congruency
I’m a big fan of the cocky/sarcastic profile. That’s who I am in real life, too. However, if you go with this type of profile, your messages have to be congruent to it. For example, if your profile says that you’re a real midget with a job in the circus unicyling, and that your ultimate goal is to ride a lion, you can’t go and send a sappy ass message about how you liked her hobbies and thought you’d hit it off.
Cocky is the only way I know. Somebody else would have to advise how to write a “serious” profile. I never had success when I took it seriously, especially with girls my age. Perhaps someone 30+ would be able to provide more insight as to what is their most effective profiles. When I had mine, it literally talked about how I’m a bum who box surfs, and that I’m looking for a suga mama to take care of me.
Therefore, I had good success with this opener:
“I’m looking for an accomplice to rob a bank. You look like trouble. You down? PS: <insert snippet about her profile you found interesting>.”
As a final note, also make sure your profile questions are congruent to who you are. You need to answer probably about 100 of them, because it is a way for them to screen. Some girls have a “70/80” match percent minimum. One question usually posed was, “Have you ever had your heart broken?”
My response: “Yes, in first grade. A girl stole my jelly bellies and I’m still upset. I’m hoping to find someone to help heal my broken heart.”
Get it? Congruent.
4.) The More Aggressive You Are, The Better
Don’t waste any more time past getting her basically comfortable with you until you go for the kill. I rarely waited longer than 3-5 messages, depending on the vibe, to send this as a number close. I found it to be very effective:
You seem cool. I hate messaging on here, it’s tedious. Plus, all illusions we build on here are shattered within 3 minutes of meeting in person. In the end it’s all about chemistry so…quick drink to see if we get along.
I can’t remember where I originally got this, but I modified it slightly. Notice how it’s a slight, but not over the top compliment, followed by pointing out that online dating, is in fact tedious. I explain (implying through experience) that an in-person meet and greet is necessary to further pursue things.
What’s she going to do, disagree? Doubtful. At this point, most will respond with something like, “Okay, that sounds good :).” Most will play coy and not offer the number in this message. The ones that just give it to you, you need to get them on a date ASAP because they are down for the dick. Assuming they don’t offer it up though, the only thing you have to do now, playa’, is to respond back one more time with this:
Once I’ve got the number, I text immediately. I usually exchange a couple more pics, and then try to set a date up. Guys, I cannot stress this enough, do not hesitate to move the interaction forward. Understand that these girls are getting dozens and dozens of thirsty dudes offering up cock to them everyday. You are literally a tiny spec on their radar…but you’re becoming bigger the further you progress. Unfortunately, you can move backwards far faster than you can move forward.
Set the date in the first text exchange, and run solid text game so she doesn’t flake. Unless we’re really vibing, I wrap things up after setting the date. Let her wonder.
5.) Understand…She Goes On A Lot Of Shitty Dates
If she is a rookie to online dating, realize that it’s because she’s not meeting the guys she wants to meet in her day to day life. Therefore, she doesn’t have any guys with game approaching her and asking her out. If she’s a seasoned veteran to the online world, and she’s still on, realize it’s because guys online have absolutely horrendous game.
I can’t tell you how many times I would be out on an online date and the girl would say something along these lines:
It’s so nice that you’re just so NORMAL! The conversation is easy and you’re just fun…I was really ready to give up on OKCupid.
Most guys, except for the ones trying to rack up notches like yours truly did, are doing online dating because they have no chance in real life, either. So they turn to OKCupid, and then start going on these dates, but their date skills aren’t any sharper than their approaching skills. All you have to do is show up and play the game. Have a couple good DHV stories ready, learn the questions game…etc.
Take advantage of the fact that most girls will have ridiculously low expectations, and blow the socks, dresses, and panties off of all of them.
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