In case you somehow missed it either on Twitter or the large image of my face on the home page – hey! My face is out there.
Hey world. Nice to meet you.
— This Is Trouble (@TruthfulTrouble) December 19, 2015
And really, this was a long time coming. I’ve been agonizing over doing it for at least a year, but just never had the balls to do it. Trust me when I say that I’ve come very, very close to publishing pictures of myself on numerous occasions. Hell, even the main picture on this site has been uploaded in my blog’s media library since April 4th of this year. I always chickened out for one reason or another.
But finally, I just felt I was at a point in my life that I’m at enough peace with myself that I decided it was worth the risk.
So why did I do it?
Let me tell you a few things about myself first.
I was not a popular kid – ever. In fact, I was a pretty disgusting mess if we’re going to shoot straight. Just look at the picture at the top of this page. That’s 5’8″ and well over 210 pounds – I suspect it was about 225. I had crippling anxiety, which I wrote about in a post about video game addiction.
By third grade I had developed an intense fear of the fire drills that occurred monthly at school, to the point that my mom had to volunteer in the classroom on those days just so I could make it through. Of course, I begged and begged for her to just let me stay home on those days – that rarely happened.
Fourth grade rolled around and I had developed an uncontrollable tick due to anxiety – a constant twitch of the head. Needless to say, kids pounced all over that and harassed me endlessly. I had a couple of good friends, but wasn’t popular. The thing that I never quite understood was why I struggled so much to make friends. At that point, I hadn’t developed into a full-on nerd. I was good at sports, but got better grades than the jocks. I was not as smart as the nerds, but significantly more athletically-inclined and not as “brainy” as they were.
I simply didn’t fit in anywhere.
I was in counseling on a weekly basis. My classmates would all ask where I went every Wednesday. I lied and told them I needed allergy shots.
Fifth grade was a miserable year in which my two best friends deserted me, even going as far as to team up and shove me down during a game of basketball.
In sixth grade I began one year at a private school and did okay. However, the weight gain had started. The video games would set that gain into overdrive.
It was a downward trend that would continue for the better part of five years, and ultimately ruin the majority of my high school experience. In brings tears to my eyes to have to relive all of this and put it on paper, thinking about how difficult it was for me to break out of it. I was driven to video games by what occurred to me during my elementary school days.
And yeah, it could have been a lot worse. I wasn’t starving to death or anything of the sort. But I had a truly miserable childhood, which then continued on to high school. I eventually managed to lose the weight and keep it off, but then went through some traumatic experience right before college when my house burned to a crisp.
Finally when I went to college I at least started to look like a normal person, though certainly didn’t have the sense of style or game that I have now. In college, I was actually quite happy. I was still almost 19 years old and hadn’t kissed a girl, but I was at least looking better.
But I was still kind of a dork who couldn’t grow a full beard.
Finally got a kiss and got my wiener touched when I was a month away from turning 19. Then…I ended up dating her for nearly two years, and lost all the self confidence I’d accrued since losing the weight. She was a pretty girl on the dance team at school, and I just liked the status of being with her.
But we never had sex.
In fact, I went eight entire months of a year and a half relationship without getting my dick touched. She just wasn’t “ever in the mood”, always “had headaches”, you know – the usual crap that married men get pulled on them. However, I’d been told my whole life that it’s simply how it was. At least she was gorgeous though, and though I was a dweeb, I was shooting out of my league.
I finally broke up with her after she asked me if she could go hook up with a guy in an attempt to “rekindle our spark”. 20 years old and I got absolutely cuckholded. I didn’t even have the balls to dump her then – I let her go to his house.
Eventually I picked myself off of the ground, and started a real path of self improvement. This time armed with a little more knowledge about the true nature of women. Oh, and I actually knew how to kiss a girl this time around…
I started racing road bikes, triathlons, and mountain bikes – and was actually pretty good, even won a couple of races.
Including bouncing back from a pretty nasty surgery.
I finally started to figure out style and dressed better:
I started playing live music:
It took a lot of nights out (hundreds), rejections in the harshest way possible (thousands), and dates (dozens) before I really felt like I “got” it.
And finally, the results showed a bit.
I have no idea who these girls, but hey – that’s half the fun of nights out.
This was the first girl I ever took home from a club – and on New Year’s Eve, of all the days for it to happen.
A couple cute European girls, too…
Listen, I’m the first that will say that you shouldn’t rely on money to get you women, but there’s something that comes from having the money to begin with: confidence. I bought a new car when I graduated college, and started traveling. It helped my confidence and game, and I had my pick of them all until I settled with Holly for over a year. Eventually though, that ended and I got back out there.
Money and the experiences it can buy will help your self-confidence and game.
My Colombian girlfriend who I wrote about extensively here.
I realize I’ve gone all over the place with this post, but I’m truthfully just pouring my heart out here and hoping it all comes out peachy.
Because I want you all to know that I’m not some keyboard jockey who sits behind a desk and types about meeting girls. Hopefully these pictures have been a good way to
brag show that I am out and meeting beautiful women – and I want to help other men do the same. And not just to get their dick wet, I genuinely want everyone who reads this site to get something from my writing no matter how small it helps them in their path to be the best man they can be.
Nothing to me is more rewarding than a random reader emailing me to tell me that I helped them solve a problem. Even more rewarding is when I have students and clients who improve their lives and they thank me for my help. It honestly makes me happy beyond belief. I felt so lied to all my life and I hope this post has gone far enough to prove that I went through some real struggles and came out on the other side.
As you can see, I’m not that tall. Or especially good looking. But I maximize what I have to full extent and work hard at it.
More than anything, I just wanted to be honest.
I honestly feel free already.
I’ve had numerous girls find the blog, my sister, and a few of my friends have it as well. One reader managed to find me off of LinkedIn somehow, too. Sooner or later, it probably would have happened anyway. Of course, there’s the option of just shutting down at that point, but what kind of message would that send? If that happens and it lands me in a bit of trouble, well, then my blog would be aptly named. There was always the chance of being doxed and having to cover my tracks in one way or another. At least this way, I have full control over the ‘when’ aspect of my face being out there.
Hell, even my mother has the address but she refuses to read it.
If I just shut the blog off and ran away with my tail between my legs that would just make me look like a damn hypocrite. Everything I’ve written here would not only be lost in the dredges of the Internet but I’d feel like a piece of crap.
As far as my job well, truthfully…I’ve been under investigation for a Top Secret clearance for well over a year now. Still awaiting a decision – yes, the government is that slow. But I came to the realization that if I don’t get it (and therefore, likely lose my job) it really wouldn’t matter. It’s not like they don’t have enough access to look into every domain I own. So yes, more than likely this blog has already been found unless they didn’t dig that deep. And frankly, it would be rather pathetic if they hadn’t found it, since I’m sure domain registrars isn’t something they’re lacking access to.
Frankly, probably a hell of a lot more content and posting. I have had so much to say but just felt I didn’t have the authority to say it without putting my face out there first. Well…here we are. I’ll pick the podcast back up, and I’m hoping to put a new book out soon.
As for everything else planned, you’ll just have to wait and see.
Thanks as always for reading – and I hope you stick around for the long haul.