There’s a common mantra out there told to the fellas who are just beginning their journey of self-improvement: “Fake it ’til ya make it.”
Which is all fine and dandy, but it can be a difficult adjustment when you actually make it. Things change as you develop into a well-rounded and confident man. Today, we’re going to talk about how your interactions with girls change as you continue to improve who you are as a man. The same things you say to a girl when you are just starting to work on yourself will not go over the same way two years later (assuming you’ve improved significantly).
Of course, you’ll also hear that game is game, and that it works universally. This is true, but this is assuming that you stay the same. Once you start to grasp the concepts as to why your tactics must evolve, it will make sense.
When you first start approaching girls, there’s a chance you could be in better shape. You could probably be making more money. More than likely, you need to work on your general charm and confidence. These are all fair assumptions to make, because if you already had all of these things—guess what? Girls would already be flocking to you. There would be little need to actually learn game.
You have to learn game in order to get the girls you want. You’ll need to tease them a bit more, to be more aloof, and to overall give them a perception that you are higher value than them. You do this by teasing, being slow to respond to her texts, and more game is the great equalizer in this sense.
However, let’s flash forward a couple of years. You’ve gone down the self-improvement journey. You’re now in excellent shape, making good money, and several years of practice with the ladies has improved your social skills.
Now, the positions are reversed, because YOU are higher value than the girls. All of a sudden, it’s the girls who are insecure. It’s them that wonder if they are worthy of you. The same tactics that would charm a girl when you are a beginner will now scare them off. And it’s not because you’re creepy, or anything of the sort.
It’s because now, THEY are intimidated by YOU.
You see, as you became a money-making, iron-destroying, charming man—you rose to the top of the food chain. Now, women are naturally attracted to who you are in that very moment. It doesn’t require you to knock her down a peg or two. You’re already a step above her. A neg or insult that would have previously made her panties wet will now backfire on you tremendously.
REAL LIFE PLAYED OUT
An average-dressed man approaches an attractive girl in a club. He’s a bit intimidated by her. He’s wearing jeans that don’t quite fit, has an extra 20 pounds to his gut, and is pinching pennies. He’s certainly not going to offer to buy her a drink. He knows, from experience, that she’d take it and disappear. At first, she tries to blow him off—but then he grabs her attention by telling her she looks like an adorable squirrel. All of a sudden, she smiles and gives him time.
A man in a well-fitting suit approaches the same girl. He’s not intimidated by her beauty at all, because he’s done it a thousand times. He’s in excellent shape, and has the money to afford the night out. He’s not going to buy her a drink at first, but may consider it if he likes her company.
Do you think the chipmunk line is going to have the same effect as it would for the first man?
It’s hard to put absolutes on a hypothetical scenario like this, but it’s probably not going to have the same effect. By being well-dressed, in shape, and giving off an aurora of confidence, the second man is already in the door with this girl. To hurl a phrase like that too soon may cause this girl to become too insecure and clam up.
By virtue of his hard work to get where he is in life, he has a better opening chance than the first man would.
NOT BLACK & WHITE
If there is one thing I’ve learned throughout my journey with women, is that life is not black and white. While we would like to systemize sex and relationships into a formula that works every single time, it’s simply not possible. That is the beauty (or curse, depending on how you want to look at it) of life.
The point is, as you evolve as a man, the same things that worked for you once will not work every time as you move through life, as I’ve illustrated above. It doesn’t apply just to women, either. If you look at it at a really basic level, it’s this:
When you first graduate college, you’ll hardly be given the time of day for prospective employers. However, it only takes a few opportunities until you’ve got some experience under your belt. If you go back to that same prospective employer with five years of killer experience under your belt, they’re going to give you a chance.
The reality is that dating and game is somewhat similar to an interview. You’re going to be approaching the girl, putting your best foot forward, and seeing what she thinks of it. If she doesn’t like it, that’s too bad—but not the end of the world. If she does like it, great. The more experience you have in life, the more value you have. The more value you have, the more attractive she will find you from the get-go.
It’s all about the value you bring. An employer isn’t going to hire someone who can’t bring value to the company. A potential employee with five years of experience in the industry is a lot more valuable than someone just out of college.
This is not meant to be a cut-and-dry post. A lot of times out in the field, it won’t make sense. When this happens, it’s a good reminder that, despite this post, game still trumps all.
It’s better to be a bit too mean than too nice. It’s better to tease her than to kiss her ass. But as you grow, if the old stuff doesn’t seem to be having the same effect, take a step back. Look at the bigger picture.
Realize it for what it is: a sign of progress in your development as a man. Adapt and grow your game accordingly, and your potential will reach even greater heights.
Originally at Return Of Kings.