July 14th is an important day on my calendar this year.
It ends my stretch of pre-planned cities I wanted to see when I left the United States on March 28th and began living in Eastern Europe. It was roughly a three month stretch with three cities involved.
Krakow, Poland for one month.
Kiev, Ukraine for one month.
Odessa, Ukraine for six weeks.
Here are 7 things I’ve learned in these first three months of living abroad.
#1: BOOKING A MONTH UPFRONT IS A HORRIBLE MOVE
I don’t regret booking one month in Krakow or Kiev. Both were excellent choices.
I really regret booking six weeks in Odessa. One of the worst decisions I’ve made in my life. Boring city. Nothing to do. Small. No big-city energy.
My new opinion is that I wouldn’t book more than ten days in a place I hadn’t yet been to. Ten days is enough to evaluate it fairly, and I should know by day 5 if it’s a place I could see myself spending a month in (and enjoying it). I knew after a couple days in Odessa I was doomed.
TROUBLESOME RADIO: Rookie Travel Mistakes
#2: PLAYER BURNOUT IS REAL
I tore through four girls in twelve days in Krakow. Then I picked the two I liked and saw them basically every other day for the rest of the time.
In Kiev, I went on a handful of first dates (good luck getting a first date bang there!), and ended up dating the first one that banged me.
The first one to fuck me gets to date me is kinda how I looked at it. But she’s wonderful and I’m glad to have her in my life.
Which has led me to this: it’s super easy to burnout. I am immensely happy with how my dating life is at the moment. I’ve realized that I am not a player who can sustain an insane pace for more than a month or so at a time.
Instead, my strengths lie with managing girls and giving them experiences that they’ve never had before. They love me for it. And I’m happy to date them and share those experiences as opposed to playing the field indefinitely.
CHECK OUT: The Harem Handbook
What does the future holds?
I’m still waiting to find out. Speaking of…
#3: “GAME” CHANGES AS YOU CHANGE
This is probably the best lesson out there for you, gents.
Fake it ’til you make it, but once you “make it”, the game changes.
The need to play “dread game”, asshole tactics, and other game moves that help you when you’re starting fall to the wayside when you are already a high value man.
Does this make sense?
If not, this post by my good friend really should shed some insight onto the situation.
How it relates to me: I’m starting the draft of this post on July 7th. The Ukrainian girl I mentioned earlier has spent the last week here in Odessa with me (thank God, fuck this city–again). It’s been fantastic.
And I haven’t done any dread game, manipulation, or anything. She adores me. She knows I have high value in all areas of life. She is a little insecure about why I’m with her at times. As a result, I can be a nice guy.
It does not mean I can not have a backbone, it does not mean I can stop making decisions, it does not mean I can stop being the best version of myself.
But it does mean I don’t have to really run game on her. I don’t have to think about it. I just have to be the high-value man she really likes.
Part of that value is that I’m American and she comes from a country that sometimes lacks opportunity.
However, the lesson doesn’t change.
#4: PEOPLE WILL MAKE WHAT THEY WILL OF THEMSELVES
No matter what, people who have immense opportunities squander them.
When you live in a country that doesn’t have the opportunities of America, you see the pain of those people. You see that their only way out involves a lot more hard work than most, and a lot of luck, too.
Then you look at Americans who squander their great opportunities, and it’s disgusting.
Not to say all Americans are like that. Many of us are some of the hardest-working and innovative of the world. But when you live abroad, seeing the lazy fucks pisses you off even more.
#5: MOST PEOPLE ONLY WANT TO MAKE ENOUGH TO MAKE ENDS MEET
These days, I get a lot of emails from guys asking me about living abroad. How they can do it. How much money I spend every month. And my favorite:
“With my skills, what’s the best way to make $1,200 a month so I can live in Southeast Asia/Eastern Europe/South America?”
Are you kidding me?
That’s a joke. Half the fun of moving abroad is being able to eat at nice places, and do cool things without having to ever worry about money.
In America, people make $4k a month–just enough to make ends meet. There is no difference between that and making $1,200 a month to live in Thailand. You’re just moving the numbers down.
The other night my girl and I went out and got the following:
- Two nice cocktails
- Guacamole appetizer (not easy to find out here!)
- She had steak
- I had chicken
Total = $30.
In a nice park with outdoor seating.
This was the view:
It would ruin a lot of the enjoyment of life if I was sitting there at the table fretting about $30 because it was eating into my $1,200 monthly budget.
Want to meet a girl like her? Check out my book about online dating.
And I’m not saying that I spend more than that per month.
I am saying that you should strive for a hell of a lot more.
Making ends meet is a loser mindset.
#6: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHY YOU LEFT AMERICA
And I mean no one.
Girls will ask and ask an infinite amount of questions. Sometimes the answers satisfy them, sometimes they don’t.
Your family may question you at times. It may not be your direct parents or siblings, but someone will.
Men will think you are in their country to steal their women–and though they aren’t wrong, they don’t understand there is more to it.
Everyone overseas will be jealous of your passport power and opportunities.
None of them will understand the benefits of their society and culture.
How much you want to tell them is up to you.
#7: IT’S NOT PERFECT
Ukrainian cheese is disgusting. It takes like sour milk mixed with dog shit. It seems that no matter how many different types I try, I’m always disappointed.
I can’t call a god damn taxi, which means if I hail one off the street I’m paying at least double what a native speaker would pay.
It’s sometimes very difficult to get day-to-day shit done in a country where you are an anomaly.
And while I like a challenge, sometimes enough is enough. But, that’s the price I’ve chosen to pay. The freedom is worth it. The pain to get here was worth it.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.