Why Can’t I Slow Down
I hurry to tie my new winter boots. I struggle to get my fur coat on. The zipper drives me mad. Next comes the gloves. Then the hat. Then it’s a matter of getting my backpack on my back, getting out the door, fumbling in the giant pockets for the keys, locking the door, putting the keys back, and finally, I’m out the door.
I’m already sweating, annoyed, and frustrated before I even walk out the door.
For some reason, I’m rushing, though I have no reason to be.
On paper, I have it all.
A business that truly brings in more passive income than I can spend as long as I’m living in Eastern Europe—heck, I could even move back to America and live where I please…if I wanted to. I don’t.
Absolute freedom to set my own schedule, travel when I please, and still make money while doing so.
A nearly stress-free life.
And yet, every day I find myself frazzled and annoyed because I’m rushing for no reason whatsoever.
Do other people suffer from this? Here in Ukraine, it doesn’t seem so. Time is not a commodity here. They were not born with the hustle that we have in America, where if you are stagnant, you are dying. There is no grind, hustle, and work until you die mentality. More like survive until you die. If you get fat and have a few shots of vodka along the way, all the better. Life is lived, enjoyed, and hated in the moment itself.
It is not rushed through for the sake of reaching the next destination.
Let’s take the gym, for example.
Even the people who are clearly coming through on their lunch break seem to be in no worry whatsoever to get back to their jobs on time. They are present and focused on the task at hand.
Me, on the other hand, I’m antsy and rushing through every set, for what? It eludes me.
So I can get to the coffee shop three minutes early?
Maybe a better seat will be available if I do that?
Or maybe it’s so my favorite coffee stand isn’t as crowded on the way home, and I won’t have to waste another precious four minutes in line while everyone around me takes their sweet time to order their coffee.
Don’t waste time is a powerful saying. However, worrying about time every second of every day is no way to go through life.
The internet has made it nearly impossible to be happy with what you have.
It used to be that the American custom was to keep up with the Joneses, no matter the cost. Buy a bigger house. A faster car. A larger television. They were who you competed with. I seem to have managed to break myself out of that. I have no desire to own a large television, I’m quite happy with my Kyiv City Metro Pass, and while I’d love a Ferrari one day, I’m certainly not interested in buying a BMW in the meantime. I’ll continue to take the metro…because it’s faster.
The internet has locked this whole new evil where there’s always going to be somebody ahead of you, on full display. There’s simply no way around it, and ignoring it?
Therefore, the result is the frantic lifestyle where you feel like you always should be moving forward, even if it’s something as minimal as taking an extra couple of minutes to have a leisurely walk to the gym instead of rushing around crowds of people.
And yes, the internet is certainly “for good”, too. The connections you’ll make. The businesses you can create. All of these are powerful things that my parents and grandparents could have only ever dreamed for.
For that, I am eternally thankful.
And yet, I also feel I am eternally cursed.
Cursed to never feel truly content in life.
Other people manage to play Xbox and smoke marijuana all day, content with their life of comfort. Life has just become too easy…
Part of me envies those people, part of me pities them.
I wish I could find a middle ground.
I’ve always been a motivated person. I’d like to think I’ve accomplished a fair bit in my life given my age. I’ve broken free of the rat race, built a multiple six-figure passive income business, and managed to start some cool ventures like a Croatian olive oil company.
And yet, I still just can’t relax on my way out the door.
Perhaps it is my eternal curse, to be able to accomplish many things but never take the time to enjoy them. Perhaps I am doomed to be frustrated with slow walkers on the sidewalk, a long wait for the next metro, and rushing to the next thing that I have no need to rush to but will anyway.
I wish I had the answer.
Maybe one day I will find it, or perhaps I’ll be moving to fast to see it with my own two eyes.