She Needs to Flop Like a Freshly Caught Fish
“Something girls have better than guys is that they don’t have any pressure of performance. Yes, in the bedroom. They just have to show up, and act…into it. They can’t be a dead fish…they need to flop. Like a fish you just caught and it’s going crazy. She can’t lay there like a fish that’s been out of water too long. You know, not like a dead fish.”
(…oh wait, that’s me)
Apparently that’s the genius that kicks in after a few drinks.
“Are there any reasons you’d want to be a girl?”
Well, other than my dead fish theory, I have a few. So big on your big-boy panties (especially if you’re a feminist), and buckle in for the ride.
- I’d like to be a girl so that I could act like I wanted equality, but when it comes time to pick up a check I never actually have to do so.
- I’d like to be a girl so that my biggest concern in life is my hair and makeup. I often hear girls argue about how much time it takes for these things, but what would they do otherwise? Watch extra TV?
- I’d like to be a girl so I could live in the moment with no logical capacity for reasoning
- I’d like to be a girl so that if if I simply manage to not be fat, be attractive (minimum a 7), and was willing to marry young, I could literally just be a lazy bum for the rest of my life while the man works— except for having to pop a few kids out.
- I’d like to be a girl so that I could be devoid of any decision making, provided I found a man with the balls to make them all for us in our relationship.
- And finally, I’d like to be a girl so I could wake up and play with my bewbs every morning. Apparently though, girls don’t actually do this, and it bewb-fuddles me why.
That’d be the life.
Hair, makeup, bewbs, and livin’ YOLO.
But, in the interest of equality and male feminism, I’ve decided to make counter-arguments.
Now, men, listen up, this is important.
It’s easy to get caught up in these, and the burden of performance as has been dubbed many times over. It’s easy to get sucked into it and rue the fact that the “good ol days” are gone. That men have all the burden of performing (providing, deciding, etc.), and that women don’t really have to do much.
Unfortunately, for better or worse that is simply how it is.
But, let’s look on the bright side…
- I’m glad I’m not a girl so that I can recognize that men and women have their unique skills they bring to the table, and that we don’t need to be able to swap each other in interchangeably
- I’m glad I’m not a girl because then I’d have to actually worry about my hair and makeup
- I’m glad I’m not a girl so I can make logical choices without emotional torment
- I’m glad I’m not a girl so I can actually be more valuable as I age, like a fine wine instead of moldy cheese
- I’m glad I’m not a girl so I can make the strong, right decision
- I’m glad I’m not a girl because then I wouldn’t get to play with my bewbs every morning…actually, I don’t have an argument for this one.
Because bewbs are great.
I guess my male feminist argument is moot and done. I hereby turn in my MF badge and renounce my male privilege.
My final point:
I’m glad I’m not a girl because then I probably wouldn’t have created DatingAbroad.net, a place where men can find girls that don’t believe in any of the nonsense I posted above.
In fact, if you imply some of the strategies I teach inside, you might just find her getting a bit turned on by your charm.
And trust me when I say that a male feminist has never had that reaction.
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