I’ve had this on my mind for a while now, and it’s something new I’m finding myself dealing more and more with.
Throughout life, you’re always going to leave people behind. Most of the time, it’s a cause of natural things—moving away and going to college, graduating from college and getting a job, or perhaps a new addition to the family.
In many of these cases, it’s just distance that makes you grow apart. It’s a natural cycle of life. People come and go in your life based on where YOU are in that current moment in time.
But what happens when it becomes not-so-mutual?
When some people are trying to keep in touch with you, but you’re simply not returning the favor?
Then, what are you to do about it? The natural way of falling off with people isn’t working—they’re still trying to keep touch. For one reason or another, you simply have no interest in considering to do so.
However, there is also a lot of advice out there that if you want to make it to the top, you have to leave people behind on the way. And with that being said, I’m now going to present a scenario that I’ve been dealing with lately.
Now, this is a funny one. I knew this guy back from the Los Angeles days. He was a friend of this girl:
He and I became friends because I wanted to help the guy out. He was in a bad place in life. Never had success with girls—I gave him all the tools to run a harem. Jobless. Living at home. Closing rapidly on thirty years of age (I think).
I hung out with him a few times, even after that girl and I broke things off. I invited him out with my own friends and tried to help him improve his game skills.
But now, I obviously haven’t seen the guy since I left Los Angeles in February of 2016. Frankly, I think I’ve only actually met the guy in person maybe 5 times in total.
And while I didn’t mind at first, I’ve started to realize that all the advice and ideas I’ve given him are never going to be implemented anyway. As far as I know (and I hope he would’ve told me otherwise), he’s still stuck in the same place in life as he was a year and a half ago.
Meanwhile, I’ve done…well, a lot.
And so I don’t feel obligated to continue responding, giving him advice, or even being a “friend” to him. I just don’t care. I am on another continent, will probably never see him again, and have a lot of stuff going on in my own life. I don’t want to have endless text exchanges for the sake of “keeping in touch”.
Especially when it’s advice and information that I know is never going to be put to use. Is that harsh on him? Perhaps a bit. Hell, now I hope he reads it. Maybe it’ll be the kick in the ass he needs to finally get it together.
The point is this: Why would I bother being friends with a guy like that?
It’s really not. I’ve got nothing against him personally. He’s a cool dude.
But, many things in life are a transaction. This includes relationships with both men and women. And this is a relationship where I have contributed 100% of the value and he has brought absolutely nothing to the table.
I was mentoring him at first, so fair enough. He’s had a chance though, and hasn’t jumped on the opportunity. The relationship still sits at a 100%/0% level, so there is little incentive for me to continue it.
On the flip side, if you’re truly going places, you may not have that much time for friends—and vice versa. If you have time to meet up with them three times a week and drink beer—well, you’re definitely getting outworked by some people. And that’s fine. You’ll reach a point in life where you have the freedom to do that.
But I got shit to do!
And exchanging texts with a guy out in Los Angeles who doesn’t have it together is a deterrent to that goal.
Nothing makes me happier than when my advice helps you guys improve your lives. Whether it’s dating abroad, online business, or just general advice.
This guy is an example of the fact that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Eventually, I’ll learn.
What do you think? How do you deal with situations like this? Chime in the comments below.