Grappling With Morality (Player Burnout + More)
Tonight, while I was sitting in a bar in Belgrade, Serbia, I had a big revelation. I sat there, thinking to myself, and realized, “Ya know…I don’t want to be here. I want to sleep.”
In my defense, I was up at 5am, dealt with the hassle of getting to an airport, reaching a new city and finding my hotel—you know, the usual travel details that wear on you.
Now, there was a time where I could take a red-eye flight, stay up all night drinking, and bounce back no problems. I think I’m still capable of that at times, but things have certainly changed. I was tweeting about it earlier and received a few theories:
- Low T
- Novelty worn off
- And that, well—I shouldn’t be hurting at my age (closing in on 26)
So I’ve got a few theories I’m just going to bounce around here for the hell of it. No doubt some of you have gone through it as well—or are going to go through it in the coming years.
I threw this thought aside at first, as I have plenty of motivation in all aspects of life—except, apparently, going out in a new city and staying up later than 1am.
But, actually—yeah, it’s probably true. I haven’t been to a gym in nearly three months. I had no means of transit while I was visiting the States. I’d been lifting heavy for the last few months of the year. I decided to take that time to do some bodyweight stuff, implement a stretching routine, and try to let my body heal.
That time was okay. I leaned out a bit, figured out how to stretch, and felt pretty good. I was ready to get to a gym when I arrived in Kotor.
Except…I don’t think there is a single gym in Montenegro. So that was another month gone. Now it’s been nearly three. That’s bad, and has likely attributed to my recent dip in energy as of late.
On the plus side, I’ve started yoga and it’s definitely helped my posture and pain from being a nomad who hunches over a laptop all day.
A real possibility. To an extent, nightlife doesn’t hold the same appeal to me as it used to. I don’t like drinking as heavy as I once did. Loud music that used to get me going is now seen as more of an annoyance.
But, someone brought up a point—traveling solo and going out is tiring. It’s totally different when I have people to hang out with. I could easily stay up late. But at this point, it’s just…
“Yeah, another city…more bars…more language barriers…meh…I’d rather just work.”
This is probably the biggest one. When I moved to Europe (Krakow) last year (April), I went out. A lot. Probably four or five nights a week. I didn’t get much done, and the balance sheet for my business showed it.
I made a lot of money that month.
Then I went to Odessa, which I didn’t like much so I hardly went out at all.
After that I took a family trip and didn’t go out much. In August I ended up in Lithuania, where I did go out a lot and also ended up with a terrible case of food and water poisoning.
The rest of the year? I didn’t go out much at all. My business struggled over summer. Badly. To the point I thought about whether I might end up closing the doors on This Is Trouble.
Then though, I saw the results. And those results happened when I wasn’t going out—at all. I can probably count the number of times I went out to party on one hand between mid August and mid December.
And it paid off.
At this point, I’m quite comfortable with the business. King's Code and Cracking OkCupid sell well. Troublesome Solutions is a home run. The Handbook does okay. The University is re-launched (more details coming this week) and has been a success. My new book will be out in the coming months.
Despite financially being set, emotionally—I’m not. I still have that fear that the money could stop coming in today and that I need to keep putting in the insane work that I did for the entire half of last year.
This is probably a good thing because it will propel me to new heights. At the same time, maybe I should step back. Go out and drink a little bit too much once in a while and enjoy a new city.
In any case, I can at least raise a glass to that.