The Expat and Why

The Expat

It’s easy to blend in on paper.

It’s harder to do once you open your mouth.

I live in a strange world now. One where I cannot fully communicate with the majority of people in my life. Even at the nicest, most expensive, and upscale grocery store, I can only say hello and thank you to the cashiers.

This strange world has a new alphabet, with many different characters and spellings. For example, the other day I bought what I thought was hand lotion. Sometimes the wind gets nippy and my face was feeling dry. I rubbed the lotion on to my face for several days, and it continued getting more dry by the day.

I asked my girl what it was – turns out it was soap, not lotion.

Well, that explains it.

Ordering food at a restaurant sometimes requires pointing and gesturing at things on a piece of paper, much like a child screaming, “I want, I want!”

My electric beard trimmer died the other day, refusing to spin up. An hour of my Wednesday was spent trying to find a new one. Three convenience stores and two miles of walking later, it was unsuccessful. Another hour on Thursday morning and I found something that seems to be suitable for trimming a modest beard, but then again – that could change real fast.

Despite all these petty struggles, life is pretty good. Except for one thing. I keep asking myself WHY.

Why am I here?

Why did I make the choices I have?

God damn it, why couldn’t I just have stayed a little bit naive to the world, and I would have been ignorantly miserable.

Part of me thinks it would have been a lot easier.

So here I am, writing this from my apartment while looking out at the communist-style apartments that line my kitchen window.

Wondering why everything worked out the way it has. Why couldn’t I have found girls like these in America? Why can’t I have the best of both worlds – the modern amenities and ease of living in America, as well as the healthy masculine/feminine culture that’s present here. Why did I have to leave my friends and family behind to find some balance of sanity in the nuclear family culture?

Why am I here?

Do I want to run through dozens, or hundreds, of girls in a pursuit of endless physical pleasure sans any emotional connection? What will that do for my soul? Breaking hearts takes it’s toll on both parties, and what will be left of mine after ten years of it?

Men before me have done it, and judging off of their writing – they don’t seem all that happy.

I will continue to fight my inner battles and war on what my code of ethics and morality is. I have no idea where I will go in the world after July. No idea what I want from girls and relationships. No idea if I am angry at my homeland for making it this way, or if I’m just happy to be the hell outta there.

I realize time and experience will provide me many of the answers. Now, I just have to wait.

At least I have lotion now.

Are you struggling with online dating – whether it be getting responses,  dates, or sealing the deal? Do you want to learn all my secrets that make field reports like this possible?

If so, check out my book: Cracking OkCupid.

LIMITED TIME OFFER: Purchase of the book now includes my exclusive online dating spreadsheet; track your dates, response rates, and much more.

Most online dating books took an approach towards “cheating” your way into dates in the form of macros, cheesy messages, and more. In the book, I show all the secrets towards creating an online dating system that works for you based around who you are, rather than trying to “trick” women into going on dates with you. I also explain my strategies towards skipping dates altogether and moving straight to sex.

It’s been called a comprehensive guide for anyone with beginner to advanced level skills in online dating. Click here to check it out.

  • Great article. I’m currently going through something kind of similar.

    I have been in a relationship with a girl for 2 and half years and we both have strong feelings for each other. She wants to be able to hang with a guy friend she’s known for years and go to clubs with her girls. She is 3 years younger than me (She’s 19) so I do not hold it against her. Since I’m 22 I have different priorities.

    Her and I are trying to go the close friend way. She wants to be able to do that stuff and I want to work on my business. This might be a good path, who knows.

    We are good for one another, but I can’t let that hold me back.

    Keep pushing brother.

    Dylan Madden

    • Dylan,

      If she encourages you and doesn’t hold you back (i.e. doesn’t shame you for pushing on the business instead of spending time with her) – it may work out just fine.

      My biggest issue is the age thing.

      I know at 35 I’ll have game and the abilities to get a 20 year old. I might as well cash my chips in for the highest value.

      Which leaves me in limbo as to what to do until then.


      PS: Check your Twitter DMs.

      • Yeah she encourages the business stuff which of course helps motivate me. My biggest hold up is her guy friend. Call me insecure, but I know that if I had a friend that was a girl I’d end up wanting to fuck.

        I mainly don’t want to get burned on this which is why if she won’t stop talking to him, then I’d rather deal with sadness of breaking up.

      • Of course. That’s the hardest part. Knowing that we, as men, really only make female friends because deep down – yeah, we wanna fuck them.

        But think about it: you’ve been friend zoned BAD before, right?

        Do you really think you had a chance with that girl? Ever?

        Probably not. Friend zone is usually a pretty strict thing.

        As long as they’re not going out drinking together, I think you’re okay. Hell, if she wants to go to lunch and dump all her emotional crap on him – all the better!

      • LOL I actually learned a few things from your Harrem Handbook that allowed me to get in her head. I realized I’ve been unconsciously chasing her.

        I’ve put the power back in my hands. Now she wants me, but I’m giving it a week or so.

        Thanks for the help Kyle.

      • Awesome, glad to hear. It’s a very subtle shift, and easy to lose track of. Keep me posted!

      • Interesting conversation here, gents.

        After a few years building harems/multiple short term adventures myself I am familiar with the situations you’ve mentioned. Just a few comments here:

        1. It’s taken me some time to accept I can’t be affected by jealousy if I want to maintain open relationships. That means what I do is make sure I’m the best option my girls can possibly have and simply stop worrying about the rest.

        It was Blackdragon who opened my eyes to this truth – he mentioned a couple of crazy mental exercises such as imagining every girl I have something with being fucked by other guys over and over in order to desensitize myself from it.

        I also liked Jack Murphy’s approach to it although it was probably too intense for me.

        2. I once fucked a girl who had put me in the friendzone for 4 years so never discard it – but that’s definitely guiness record worth it.

        3. Agree with yle, as men we (sub)consciously want to bang most of our female friends.

        4. Dylan, it sounds to me like you’re more interested in having a supportive monogamous partner (not my style but can understand it 100%).

        If her spending time with a straight male affects your life in a negative way I’d say next her or embrace The Harem Handbook and join the club 😉

      • In response to…

        #1: that’s just it, if you’re working on yourself all the time and moving forward, you really probably are the best she’s got, and going to have. Therefore, you automatically assume and you just don’t worry about these things.

        At least that’s the point I’m at now. Unless she says something, it never crosses my mind. And I’ll be really fucking mad if they ever DO say anything, because it’s not shit I care to hear about.

        #4: I’m almost at this point now. But I go through these huge ebbs and flows (just look at my Poland field reports).

        Right now in Kiev I’ve got a girl and I’m quite content with it.

        Final note: everyone should embrace the Harem Handbook 😉

  • Liam O'Neill says:

    If girls were the problem because of which you ran, maybe the root was self limiting to online skanks. A section doesn’t represent the whole

  • Bergeron says:

    Black. Canuck. lived in the UK and now live in Germany and this is a question that I get asked ALOT.

    The best answer is “why not?”

    Most of those that ask are genuinely interested, but people asking it are not necessarily interested in your answer, as they have already decided, and are more so poking than asking (if you know what I mean).

    As for my actual reason, I love traveling. Living aboard is like traveling whilst living your mundane day to day (that is to say, never mundane). When I was single girls just happened to be a part of it.

    That is how I met the current Ms.Bergeron.

    • How long have you been in Germany? Is the girl German? Would love to hear this story.

      I agree, they’re interested. And the further East they go the more they question.

      • Bergeron says:

        Sorry bout the late reply.

        Been here for bout a year and a half.
        Girl is Bulgarian. Met her when I was living in UK for 5 years.
        ***by the way, that courting thing that you mentioned somewhere: 100% accurate. But they’re so pleasant & refreshing to be around, one doesn’t mind, notice or care. Dare I say it’s down right enjoyable!***

        As for the questioning thing there is an underlying subtext of “je ne sais quoi” in much of easter EU culture. I can only describe it as something between wary distrust and curiosity towards westerners. …Like why are you REALLY here?

        But if you’re not a douche, and your around long enough for them to see that, they’re the warmest most lovable, & caring pessimists you’ll ever meet!! 😛

      • No worries. Yeah, the courting process post was here: https://thisistrouble.com/2016/05/18/wait-actually-court-girls/

        Yeah, doesn’t feel like work at all. It’s enjoyable and fun once you realize how the process works. But man, if I had to spend 4 dates for most Western girls…I’d rather just off myself.

        They’re definitely all worried that you’re a sex tourist. Or that you’re going to be leaving in a few days and leaving them behind. However, I’ve found that truly explaining the bad dating culture in the West leaves their curiosity mostly satisfied. Like, as soon as you explain that girls are fat and act like men it’s akin to a lightbulb moment when they realize that you’re not a sex tourist, but just generally a good guy looking for a bit more out of life.

      • Bergeron says:

        EXACTLY. (Prime example by the way, of why the writing in your posts is far better than mine).

      • Hahah, thanks! I’ve been doing this for 3 years so I’d hope by now I’m not too shabby at it!

  • >