Third time’s the charm, eh?
Now, the girl whom I basically tore to shreds in this post found it, too. And of course, that post was still near the top of the archives so it was one of the first ones she read. Understandably, she took it far more personally than I had ever intended it – I’m sure most men who read it took it as general advice as how to deal with relationships with women. It was 100% an informational help article targeted to men.
But… I can understand why she was pissed 😉
After coming over to claim her stuff, we talked things over and things are all peachy. She knows I’m leaving Los Angeles and the country as a whole soon, but decided we’d enjoy this time together – and I’ll actually make a genuine effort to stay in touch with her after I’ve landed overseas. Realistically, she can stay in touch as much as she wants just by reading This Is Trouble…but we’ll see if she’s smart enough to stay away, ha.
There are a lot of lessons to be learned here.
Women look to their man for strength.
If you are composed, calm, and collected, and she is used to following your lead, it’s likely she’ll follow suit. Once she got to my house and saw that I was calm, she calmed down significantly from where she was before.
On the flip side, if you lose your temper and allow the drama to escalate, you’re generally playing into her hand. Women are great at emotional, burn-the-place down warfare. As a man, your strength lies in cool logic. I’m not saying you can talk about emotional relationships in a purely logical sense, because relationships themselves are simply not logical in nature. However, keeping a cool temperament will result in her respecting you more, calming down, and working towards a solution to make everyone happy.
Provided you have the right frame, which requires killer self confidence.
As an example of how illogical relationships are: she was more upset that I have a picture of a girl from Colombian with me on Instagram than the article I wrote.
Saying “sorry” has a really, really bad connotation in today’s society for men. That’s because of numerous sitcoms have always cast the husband as the dweeb who is always fucking up; the entire plot of these sitcoms is to have the man screw up, the wife chastise him, and for him to apologize. It comes to the point where the man apologizes so much that it becomes a gut reaction to almost anything his wife addresses him about.
You can say you’re sorry to a girl, as long as you do it sparingly and from the right frame. We all screw up. There is no shame in admitting it.
I did not apologize for going after what I want in life, having my blog, or writing the article that I did. I did apologize for not simply telling her that her laziness was bothering me. Was that beta? Perhaps. But read the next section.
I was trying to see if she’d get the hint that I didn’t like her being lazy. It was still a new relationship, and I admittedly was trying to get some sort of an idea of what kind of girl she was once she had commitment (again, she doesn’t care if I sleep around as long as I’m emotionally loyal).
I would have had to say something eventually, but for the first week or so I wanted to see how much she would do on her own, unprompted.
Apparently, she was testing me too.
She was testing my measure as a man to see if I’d speak up and say something. She admitted that she was being lazy intentionally to see “when I would crack.” The reasoning behind it? When we first had the “define the relationship talk”, I mentioned that I expect my girl to be domestic – i.e. she’ll do some cooking and cleaning around my place.
Well, I did crack to an extent – in the form of the aforementioned blog post.
It’s funny, because once we had this talk it’s been better. She’s been tidying up the bathroom, making the bed, etc. So while it certainly didn’t work out exactly how I wanted from a confrontational perspective, in the end we both admitted we were partially to blame. It would have been easy to cave completely in, apologize, and grovel for forgiveness. But…she would have hated me.
As illogical as it seems sometimes – with the way that society paints men as always screwing up – holding your frame and ground works wonders. From a logical perspective of the blue pill society, I screwed up. Society would tell you that it’s her right to be lazy, and that me writing about her (though her anonymity is safe) is the worst thing in the world – that I’m an asshole who should be kissing her ass for the next year for forgiveness.
On paper, me not apologizing for directly writing that post seems pretty…illogical; as it’s easy to understand why she was upset. But note that she ended up apologizing to me for testing me. Very interesting dynamic on how things work with women – and very much of it is already dependent on how they already feel about you. This starts from the very first meeting – you should always be leading, taking charge, and going after what you want in life.
From the way she’s cuddled up to me the last few nights, I would say she is as happy as ever with me – although sadly, it will be coming to an end in the near future.
Amazing what happens when you don’t do what society says; when you make no apologies, and simply go after what you want as a man.
It all tends to just work out.
P.S.: She has agreed to come on the podcast and discuss this topic, women and their shit tests, our relationship and more. It’s should be very interesting, so stayed tuned for the first episode (there are two) coming Monday, February 8th.
If you want to learn how to manage girls like in this post, check out The Harem Handbook.