1

Your Finger Is Broken? Too Bad, It’s Valentine’s Day

Two years ago, on Valentine’s Day, I went mountain biking with a guy who has been one of my best friends for nearly a decade, now. About two years ago he got married; she was 36, him 32. They now have two children together.

Two years, on Valentine’s Day, my friend and I went mountain biking. We both were on a weekend swing shift and had a random weekday off, so we tied our mountain bikes on top of my crappy little car and drove an hour north, from San Diego to Orange County area. Both he and I are extremely experienced riders, and the ride started off fairly normal by our standards, cruising along some fire roads, winding through some single track, and bombing down one distinctly steep hill.

An hour or so later, I was leading the way through a very easy section of trail when I noticed my buddy wasn’t behind me. Doubling back a hundred or so yards, I found him on the ground unconscious. Fortunately, he awoke immediately. Unfortunately, he was in no shape whatsoever to be riding on any sort of technical trail. On top of being knocked out and a bit woozy, his finger looked like…

finger

That’s a real picture from the emergency room.

To this day, he and I have no real explanation for what happened on that trail. It seems he just stuck his tire in the perfect spot for him to just lose control of the handlebars, and apparently fall hard enough that he was knocked out. This is a guy who has been riding mountain bikes for well over a decade, and it’d be generous to say that trail was “medium-easy” difficulty, at best. It was simply, a fluke.

Upon realizing that he wouldn’t be able to bike the ~4-5 miles back to the car, I set off in time trial mode to fetch the car and get as close to him as I could. Fortunately, he made it to the main road just fine, where I picked him up and took him to the ER. They diagnosed him with a broken finger and a mild concussion – sending him off in a splint and ensuring that I would be the one driving the car home.

Of course, in all the mess we’d forgot – it was Valentine’s Day.

At the time, I lived with him and his (pregnant) wife – and she was none too pleased that he went and got himself hurt on Valentine’s Day. She needed her special day, after all. When I called her to tell her the situation, she answered the one with, “What.”

It’s hard to describe the tone over a blog post, but it was the type of tone that would make a dog tuck it’s tail between it’s legs and scurry back into the doghouse. My buddy of course, made it home and managed to still cook dinner – steak and shrimp – for her special day. Because who knows the hell that would have rained down upon him otherwise. There was probably jewelry thrown in the mix, too.

Of course, it’s easy to scream BETAAAAAA, and throw my friend under the bus, but he’s actually one of the more alpha guys I know. In fact, I give him a lot of credit for my own discovery of game and self development, in it’s early stages. He certainly has never lacked choice in women throughout the years (I saw him hire, bang, and fire a dozen+ sales girls in our computer shop in the span of a year), but even he couldn’t avoid the dreaded annual shit test that is Valentine’s Day.

Birthdays are at least specific to her as an individual human being.

Christmas isn’t as centered on her, because you’re out of town, buying gifts for family, etc.

But Valentine’s Day? 

Valentine’s Day is a sick joke for men not experienced in handling women and their tests. Even if you are a world renowned player, it’s easy to fuck up. The sheer sense of entitlement that all women possess on this day is mind-boggling. For no reason whatsoever, they think they’re deserving of lavish dinners, beautiful roses, and sometimes (if you’re a true chump) diamond rings. All of this is made possible by the simple fact that they have a warm hole in between their legs.

And the fact that some of them try to spin it as a “romance day” or a “couple’s holiday” – well, I laugh in their face. I’ve read various reports in the last few days that men spend roughly $200 on various Valentine’s Day hoopla. I’d bet your average woman spends less than $50.

As far as Steak and Knobber day goes, your average woman sure as hell doesn’t know about it. Mine certainly didn’t. If you want to know how about “Men’s Valentine’s Day”, go here. Of course, the average steak that a woman buys at Safeway won’t cost more than $20, and even that’s generous. And a knobber is free. On top of that, men won’t freak out and hold grudges over a lack of effort or gifts on their day, so comparing Valentine’s Day and Steak and Knobber Day is simply ridiculous.

So what can you do about it?

It’s simple.

If you are single and not getting laid, enjoy the day off. Sure, it’s a Saturday night this year, but every restaurant will be full, and all of your boys will be out on dates. Instead, take the night off and work on you; go to the gym, start writing that book you say you’re going to start, or catch up on some sleep.

If you are single, but have a harem, follow all advice above and enjoy the day off.

If you have a main girl and side chicks, spend V-Day with the main girl and delegate the side chicks to separate nights this week. Dodge questions from the side girls when they arise.

If you have a girlfriend/wife, remember your training. Remember, you’re the prize – not her. Ignore her requests for elaborate, yet also worthless, items, and do what you want. And stay away from eating out – seriously. Valentine’s Day is one of the most popular eating out days of the year, it’s not worth the reservation hassle, often-reduced menu choices, and the overall atmosphere is that you’re just another sheep on the farm. Bahhh!

As for me, I’ll be staying in with Holly. I’m going to barbecue some steaks, and she requested we eat outside on my patio with candles, which is reasonable enough. As far as gifts, I’ll get her a little something (her birthday was just last week! Christmas, New Year’s, Birthday, and Valentine’s all in a span of six weeks), but you can bet your ass I won’t be cooking steaks with a broken finger.

PS: My book about…Cupid is coming out soon. Cracking OKCupid: The Modern Man’s Guide to Online Dating – will be released February 16th, 2015.  Get on my email list if you want to know more about it.

uprightcover

  • February 13, 2015
Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 1 comments