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Training a Girl is Strikingly Similar to Training a Dog

My childhood dog passed away last February, and I’ve been toying around with the idea of getting a new best friend since I made the move up to Los Angeles. Man, even though his death was a year ago, and I hadn’t lived at home with him since 2009, re-reading that post still hit me like a ton of bricks. Damn, I’m even getting a little misty eyed. But before you feel sorry for me, you should probably finish reading this post – looking at you, feminists.

I really didn’t raise my childhood dog. I was only ten or eleven when we first brought him home as a puppy, so needless to say I wasn’t at an emotional level that I could actually discipline and properly train a dog. Sure, I tagged along to some of his obedience classes, helped walk him daily, and tossed him a treat for the simplest tricks – but I didn’t get down and dirty with the training. That responsibility fell on my mother.

For Christmas, my mom bought me a book called The Puppy Whisperer. 

While I’m not sure at this point if it has convinced me to get a new puppy (not that those were her intentions, she wanted me to be educated), it sure has provided me a lot of laughs as I realize that women are just like fucking canines.

I mean, from the second page of the book, the following are listed.

  • Annual Costs: In the case of women, costs must absolutely be considered. If you are a playboy, expect to dole out at least some money for drinks to get her into bed. Drinking gets to be a damn expensive habit when you’re hitting top end clubs all the time, unless you’ve got the hookups.
  • Scheduling Meals and Potty Training: A total pain in the ass in regards to dogs and women. In today’s world you would think it would be simple to set up dates. Text messages and other social media attribute to everyone constantly being on a communication device. But does it mean it’s easy to schedule dates? No. Sometimes you still get shit on (flaked) despite your best attempts.
  • Human Stress Factors: Solution for women and dogs: dominance. No, not “sexual dominance” on your dog, you filthy fucking pervs.
  • Neutering and Spaying: You better make sure she’s on birth control. Don’t raw dog; no pun intended.
  • Long-Term Commitment: That is the one thing women have an advantage in. You can take a girl out once and fuck ‘n chuck the skank. Dogs, not so much unless you’re a truly heartless bastard, and in that case fuck off.
  • Consider a Mature Dog: You know how older women are constantly saying how younger women are so immature? Always belittling you for choosing the younger, tighter, and hotter ass? Same holds true for dogs. Puppies are cuter than older dogs. However, unlike women, older dogs are not as much of a pain in the ass as older women. They’ll probably be more grateful, too.

And that’s the first chapter. The real gold, however, is when you get to the Training section of the book.

Much like with a dog, you must constantly enforce a woman’s boundaries. She will shit test you and push you to your limit. A dog you often ignore, and the same applies to women. Or you can always go with the good old agree and amplify method. Reward them (dog: treats, women: attention) when she does good, and punish when she does bad (dogs: varies, women: take away attention).

Hell, you could even make them both sleep outside or lick peanut butter off your balls.

The overall psychologies between building a good relationship with a girl and raising a new dog are strikingly similar. You could substitute “girl” or “girlfriend” for “puppy” or “dog” in many parts of this book and those who are red pill enlightened would understand. Perhaps one day the teachings of pick up artists will simply be to go and raise a puppy, and then apply everything you have learned to women.

And remember, in regards to dogs and women: they all like to be called a good girl.

  • January 21, 2015
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