If Your Girlfriend Is An Escort... - This Is Trouble

If Your Girlfriend Is An Escort…

I’m dropping down to three posts a week while I finish getting everything ready for my book. I’m doing a first draft edit myself, then I have a friend who will be doing an edit as well. After that, it will be sent to an editor.

If you missed it on Twitter, here is the cover.

uprightcoverReview copies going out in the next week or so, and then releasing after that.

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On to today’s post! If your girlfriend is an escort, expect her to have a hamster in seventh gear. I mean, look at this article. Note that it is a few years old – I can’t remember how I stumbled upon it but it’s a gold mine.

Who are you & what do you do?

I am a twenty-two year old English undergraduate student moonlighting as an escort. By day, I’m a backpack-lugging, Doc-Martens-wearing slob, indistinguishable from the hordes of like-minded peers on campus. By night, I am dressed up and seasoned like somebody’s very expensive meal.


Years went by; I moved out to a new country for university, lived alone, had complete freedom from both family and friends. I had a lot of casual sex, though I was never paid for it. It was a serious education in both sex itself and learning about the utter disposability of having multiple partners. I learned that I didn’t matter as much to people as I thought, and that I shouldn’t be obligated to allow people to matter to me. An armour was built, so to speak.


She’s English. My experiences in the capital of England with the ladies weren’t exactly thrilling. In fact, I don’t think I met a single cute girl who was English. All of the hot ones hailed from France or Spain, it seemed. In any case, it’s clear she has no understanding of her own value. Surely if there are older men willing to pay her hundreds of pounds, it wouldn’t be terribly difficult to get a man near her age tor slightly older to commit for a pretty face and tight pussy.


What does an “average” day look like for you?

I go home. My shifts begin at six and end at twelve; this means the earliest possible appointment can start at six and the latest start at twelve. That is why most nights I don’t get home until one or two, depending on where the client lives and what he likes. I like working the nights I have school; this de-clutters my weekend plans. The client tonight proposes dinner at seven, which means I am picked up by the agency’s driver at six thirty. I’m in a clingy grey wool maxi-skirt, black tank top, and leather jacket. With most clients you are allowed to dress the way you like, which is great; the agency encourages this in order for us to feel as comfortable in our own skin as possible, thus supposedly providing a better experience. Obviously this excludes anything unflattering to the silhouette or too casual; there are girls who’ve been forced to change because they’re wearing jeans, even if they’re skintight and designer. I’m just happy I get to wear my own clothes.

She de-clutters her weekend plans so that she can spend time with her boyfriend, whom she casually mentions later in the article.

I get to the client’s apartment, kiss him hello, excuse myself to the loo, surreptitiously pick up the envelope full of cash on the hallway table. I call the driver, which allows him to know that I’m a) safe and b) done exactly five hours after we hang up, so he knows when to call back.


We don’t touch each other in public. To everyone else, it probably looks like he’s catching up with the daughter of an old friend.

The hamster strikes!

In his apartment we have a glass of wine. I let clients initiate the first touch––most of them like to know they’re in control of this experience, and I’m petite enough to play submissive convincingly. Most of them enjoy simple pleasures––a naked woman, an attractive one, is often enough.

This is what intrigues me into regards to the men. It seems that if man who has the money to repeatedly pay an escort, would be a man who at least has money, which equals status. He should be able to go out and seduce a girl of at least decent quality without having to pay for it. Depending on his own attractiveness, he may not quite have access to the quality of pussy paying for an escort provides.

I would suspect a man who is not comfortable with making approaches wouldn’t be a guy who is comfortable making a move on a person. Granted, some men who hire escorts do so for the discretion that it pays for. But, why hire somebody and then still make the first move? Seems to me if you’re going to have to go on a first date and “be a man” anyway, just take the “normal” path and skip the fancy dinners and wads of cash.

Do you have a partner or significant other? If so, how does your work fit in around that? If not, are you interested in dating? Do you have a contingency plan for when this happens?

My boyfriend doesn’t know. He does know about my interest in it––that I’ve never hidden from him; the books and articles remain littered in the apartment we share. But he doesn’t know I’ve actually gone and done it.

This is the biggest issue I’m having personally with the job. Well. I say it’s a job, but there’s no getting around the fact that I am sharing my body––a sacred thing to some in a committed relationship––with other men. There are clients who have referred to our sessions as making love; an assumption they’re free to make, of course, but definitely not one I agree with (though I’d never disagree to their face). There are still tokens of affection exchanged. There’s still another penis going into my vagina. My boyfriend would definitely have a problem with it, which is something I completely understand.

Hiding it from him involves a fair amount of sneaking around. I do have another job, one that I’ve been using as an excuse for leaving the house. It’s part of the reason why I don’t allow clients to leave marks. It’s difficult to explain the phone calls, which is why I rely mainly on text messaging in arranging my work schedule with my manager. Is the guilt an aphrodisiac? No. I despise it. However it has made me a much better girlfriend, as perverse as this sounds. I’m more attuned to my boyfriend’s needs, and am much more selfless, partly due to the guilt, partly due to the similar role I play in my job.


“It has made me a better girlfriend.”

Yes, I’m sure the fact that she is getting paid to have other men penetrate her doesn’t bother the boyfriend, now that you are more in tune to his needs. And you’re more selfless? Sleeping with other men and lying about it isn’t exactly selfless.

The guy isn’t the brightest either. I can’t imagine it’s easy to cover your tracks as an escort. Give the whole article a read for more laughs.

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