Attraction Doesn't Happen Over Texting - This Is Trouble

Attraction Doesn’t Happen Over Texting

In some ways, I love how our society no longer finds calling on the phone an acceptable way of asking a girl on a date. It’s “creepy”, and I’m lazy – so it suits me fine most of the time. I talk to Holly on the phone all the time, but when I was playing the field I sure as hell never called to set up a date, with her or any of the other girls I was seeing.

On the flip side, I rue the fact that texting is the only way in the majority of cases, because it makes turning a lukewarm lead into attraction very, very difficult. A piece of advice: texting is only for logistical purposes, it is never, never, EVER an effective tool to actually build attraction.


All of your corny lines about whether she likes Skittles and M&M’s and whether you can visit her at the zoo are not going to be effective tools towards generating attraction. This is because girls are attracted to so much more than just words and looks. Body language, body gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice all play a key part in turning a woman on. In many ways, it’s a perfectly oiled machine that can, and will, fall catastrophically apart if only one part of the machine breaks. Much like a car, attraction will “run” on one of it’s pieces not performing up to par, but will operate much better when all pieces are working together in perfect harmony.

It can be hard to understand these concepts when it comes to text game, simply because as a guy, if I know the girl is texting me is hot, I’m down with it. I’ll go out with her. Plain and simple. Doesn’t matter how retarded or cheesy her texts are. Entire books have been written on text game. I touch on it quite a bit in my upcoming book on OKCupid. However, the general key to turning a lukewarm lead into an actual date is to not push too hard, be outcome independent, and know when to make the kill.

Don’t push too hard if all you had was a ten minute interaction at the bar and it wasn’t a strong close. If you text her the next day and she gives you a three word response, trying to then set up a date is going to end up in failure. If you have any callback humor, use it. I hate to say it, but I’ve had better luck with these leads by having some general chit-chat than trying to just close the deal. Don’t scare the cat is probably the best way to sum this up.

Be outcome independent – goes hand in hand with the point I made above. If you make a big deal about a date straight away, she is going to pick up on your desperation and be turned off by it.

When to make the kill – meaning, if you’ve chit-chatted, learned where she works, and so on and so forth – get to talking about your schedules! If she gives you an opening with free nights, and you’re getting more than one word responses, now is the time to again remember that you cannot build attraction over text. Use it as the logistical tool it is and your life will become much easier.

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