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What The Fuck New Year’s

Hey, we all make mistakes from time to time. On New Year’s Eve, against my better judgment, I agreed to go out with my girlfriend and a group of people. I concluded long ago that holiday nights are probably the worst nights to go out, and New Year’s Eve is definitely in the top three as far as debauchery goes. But, friends were coming into town and I decided – what the hell?

Well, the only question after last night I have (it’s 8:00am New Year’s Day as I’m writing this, I had no desire to feel like the rest of the house is feeling this morning) is – what the hell?

It started off pretty simply – I reserved a table at a mid-scale club close to my girlfriend’s house, so that everyone could walk. We secured ten guests at a table with a two bottle minimum. So we got two of those, everyone paid (well, is going to pay, once they wake up) a pretty damn reasonable fee for going out on New Year’s eve.

We all got there and all hell broke loose. To recap the night:

  • My girlfriend accused me of flirting with the waitress. They were very friendly towards me because I booked the table and had a shiny high-value credit card, so that didn’t surprise me.
  • Then my girlfriend accused me of flirting with the second waitress because I offered her a drink – considering it was 12:30 and we had a bottle and a half left, I figured why not.
  • A girl in our party pretty much passed out on the table.
  • That girl got kicked out.
  • The club charged me $100 more than agreed upon for no reason whatsoever, I tried to talk to the manager but he was “in a meeting”. On New Year’s Eve? He couldn’t make two minutes to settle an issue with a patron who paid for a table? $100 is not a big deal, but I at least wanted to know why.
  • My girlfriend got kicked out for arguing with the bouncer about her friend who had already been kicked out (see above).
  • One girl was passed on the bathroom floor when I finally got back. A buddy and I had to deadlift her off the ground, she proceeded to fall into the next bathroom and hurl.
  • Another threw up over the balcony.
  • ^ She also had blood gushing down her leg for no apparent reason.
  • My good buddy and I, after getting things a bit more settled, walk to get a bite to eat.
  • The line is massive, we’re gone for a solid 45 minutes to an hour between the walk to the venue and the line.
  • My girlfriend accused me of going to another club to hit on girls.
  • It’s now 8:00am as of writing this and there are eight people passed the fuck out in the house that are going to hate their lives in an hour or two.

So, that was my New Year’s in quick fashion. Lessons learned:

  1. It’s always an amateur night even if you take every precaution (table, walking, etc) available.
  2. Girls should never be allowed more than two drinks – seriously.
  3. It’s funny as fuck being the one who feels great the next morning. I’m going to enjoy myself.

How did you ring in the new year? Are you ready for 2015?

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  • January 5, 2015
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