2014 dating: Picking up girls is as easy as swiping right while gigantic turds fly out of your ass. As far as I’m concerned, Tinder on the toilet is the only way to do it. We’ve come so far as a society.
A few people have asked me if I could share some Tinder tips on how to pick up girls on Tinder. While I don’t advocate letting the nightlife or daygame skills slip in favor of electronic mediums, Tinder is so bloody simple that your modern day man would be foolish not to have it in his pussy arsenal. Without further ado:
1.) KISS – keep it simple, stupid. Tinder is nothing more than a place to go window shopping. You are judging women by their pictures, and they likewise, yours. So obviously…you want to use your best photos. I’ve had girls show me the ridiculous photos guys use on Tinder; upside down on a keg, or immature fratboy-esque activities. You’d be shocked how far a photo of you in a suit will take you.
2.) Embrace the laziness. Once you’ve already slipped down to swiping your iPhone to get laid, you might as well go all out. There are some killer apps that work alongside Tinder. Go download the Tinder Liker app, and set the results to show 500 without pictures. With the click of two buttons, you can like 500 girls at once and it only takes 30 seconds, if that.
3.) Move quickly. Until you have moved to texting, and really, until you’ve met, you are just one fish in a sea of thousands of hungry men. Once you exchange a couple messages, just go for the number. The longer you wallow on the app itself, the less likely you are to get laid.
4.) Don’t screw yourself, examples of this would be:
5.) Utilize your mini profile. Girls are not quite as shallow as men. Many will actually read your profile and reference it later in your conversation. Remember, charisma, confidence, and alpha traits all play into a women’s decision on whether or not to swipe right on you. Just because you will never bother to read the incessant babble of a women’s Tinder profile doesn’t mean that she won’t.
6.) Don’t be desperate. This one is kind of obvious. You should not ever get hung up on one girl in ANY situation, much less on Tinder where there are literally thousands of more girls on the tips of your finger. Girls will just stop talking to you out of the blue despite what you perceive as great chemistry. On to the next.
7.) Don’t over think the opening message. See #1. This also depends on how attractive you are. I’m a decent looking fellow, so I did just fine with “Hey <Name>, nice to “meet” you – or whatever you want to call this.”
Don’t use corny lines about how you want to make babies with her.
8.) Think about buying access to T&T University.
9.) Speaking of resources, don’t listen to mainstream advice. I did a quick Google search on “Tinder tips” prior to writing this article to see what else was out there. All the advice on GQ, AskMen, etc., is nothing but utter garbage. They discuss how to be a nice guy, but not too needy, how you have to have a “perfect profile”, and other tips that will do nothing but assist you in having your dick in your hand on a Friday night instead of being balls deep in a Tinder slut.
10.) Tinder is basically an online sexual marketplace where women could literally fuck five guys a day if they wanted to. Think about that. Wrap it.
There you have it. Ten Tinder Tips to help you get laid the lazy man’s way. Good luck.