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Trouble’s Travels Volume II: The First Night In Poland, Selling Strip Club Tickets

Previously in my series of posts about my Europe ’14 trip:

  1. Trouble Returns From Travels
  2. Volume I: Getting To Poland – 30 Hours Of Delays, Kissing-Ass, And Getting Drunk In Airports
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Uh oh, here comes trouble…

Needless to say, after the debacles of Volume I, I was ready for a drink.  Or 5.  Fortunately, Lucky had already stocked our fridge with cheap Polish vodka – likely the equivalent to Smirnoff here in the states.  Except it was phenomenal for being a $5 bottle of liquor.  It was one of the smoother vodkas I had ever had.  Poland knows how to do that shit right.

Of course, I also had not eaten anything of solid substance for quite a long time due to the whole being delayed in the airport for about 30 hours thing.  Needless to say, after a few shots, I was feeling pretty good.  I have to admit, parts of this night are slightly hazy to me, and I don’t have a ton of pictures to go off of, but I’ll do my best to recall what I can.

We left the apartment and started walking around the main square to find a good spot.  Our mistake was not referencing one of the many Wroclaw data sheets on the Roosh V forum prior to heading out for the first night.  One of the first groups of girls we talked to that night thought I was some famous Polish singer.  They thought I was a bona-fide celebrity.  Little did I know at that point, having a California driver’s license might have made me a bigger celebrity than any Polish pop star.  In my ROK article coming tomorrow, I wrote:

You do have a bit of an “American God” factor at play in these countries.  My California driver’s license was the biggest and easiest value demonstrator I’ve encountered in any situation.  I played the hell out of that thing – even introducing myself as “California Kyle” and seeing how far I could take it.

I remember we didn’t have much luck finding any good venues on the main square.  It really was a bit of a tourist trap in terms of nightlife.  We wandered into a place called Bau Bar, which claims itself as “Wroclaw’s New Home of Electro“.

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“Wroclaw’s New Home Of Electro”…ahuh.

Which would have been pretty cool, except there was absolutely nobody in the bar apart from 3 other dudes.  At this point it was probably about 1:30-2am.  I was dead exhausted from even getting to Wroclaw, so we decided to call it a night.  While on the way back though, the real fun started.

There are dozens of girls walking around Wroclaw’s main square as pitchmen for the strip clubs.  It’s easy to tell who these girls are, due to the bright pink umbrellas they all carry.  We had one in particular, whom we had run into several times while walking around the square.  Knowing that game applies in any situation, I teased the hell out of her.  We ran into her again on our way back from Bau Bar, and she ultimately decided that she liked talking and goofing around with us as opposed to, you know, actually working.

Who can blame her?  We’re two charming and handsome men.

Once again, my memory is a little hazy, but I decided it would be great fun if I started trying to hustle people into strip clubs.  I took her tickets and went to work.  I think I did manage to get a couple of guys into her club.  Then, three girls are walking by.

Challenge accepted!

I open them with something like, “Hi, I’m from California, blah blah blah.”  However, the stupid strip club girls won’t let Lucky and I take them to a strip club, they still want us to pay cover despite bringing three girls.  So instead we decide to continue the party back at our apartment.  Within 5 minutes of meeting these three girls were upstairs in our pad doing shots of vodka with us.  Being a loyal man to my own girl, I did not attempt anything with any of them.  My goal was for Lucky to score.

A few minutes after they were back in our apartment, I snapped this picture of him and a cute brunette, sitting on our balcony overlooking the main square.

Make a move, dude...

Make a move, dude…

Picture perfect, right?  Our first night in Wroclaw and we’ve got three girls (2 cute, 1 not in hindsight) in our apartment.  Lucky is set up beautifully, with a girl isolated on the balcony, and plenty drunk.  They smoked cigarettes and were out there for probably a solid 10 minutes.  There was only one problem.

Lucky never made a move.

He doesn’t know why he didn’t.  I sure as hell don’t know why either.  He’s got plenty of game, but for whatever reason he decided that isolated on a balcony overlooking a square and ancient cathedral wasn’t picturesque enough for him.  I think he would probably go back in time and fix that if he had the chance.

He did redeem himself the next night, which is something you won’t want to miss.  Tomorrow is Trouble’s Travels Volume III: Getting Yadstopped.

  • April 17, 2014
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