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The Vegas Field Report

Friday, 3:20 PM

Holly and I pull out of the parking lot at my work slightly later than I’d have liked to, but we both got caught up with stuff at work.  What can you do?  Typically the drive from San Diego to Las Vegas is about five hours, but I worried we were going to hit massive Friday traffic and have our journey end up taking 7 hours.

I drove the whole way and we pull up to Luxor right at about 8:35pm.  I know, I know, Luxor is definitely the classiest place ever.

Friday, 8:35 PM

Fuck these bags are heavy.  Why the fuck don’t they have luggage carts anywhere?  We check in and get to our room; which is actually pretty nice.  For $90/night, I’m not going to complain.

Friday, 8:55 PM

We have two queen beds, I dub one the sex bed and the other the sleep bed.  Despite her initial protests because she needs to get ready, I force Holly down and it takes about 10 seconds of me being inside of her for her to moan how great of an idea it was for me to just take her.

Friday, one minute later, 8:56 PM

I cum, fall asleep.  That’s the end of Friday for me.

Okay okay, it was actually more like…

Friday, 8:58 PM 9:13PM

We start taking shots.  Being the moron I am, I’m mixing Monster and Vodka shooters for a solid hour while we take showers and get ready.  All of a sudden my heart is thumping out of my chest.

“Fuck me, all I had for dinner was a couple of tacos…”

So, being the fatass I am, I make myself a sandwich.  Finally, at God-knows-what-time, because between Holly and her roommate/friends (staying in a separate room with some dude…more to come later), are ready.  I’m going to guess it was about…

Friday, 11:15 PM

We’re supposed to be inside of “Lights” at Mandalay Bay by 10:30 to see Krewella.  Fortunately we still got in, and I’m probably a dozen shots or so in at this point.  Here’s where the fun starts…I have this text exchange with my sister throughout the night.  It is unedited for the lulz.

Me: <sends picture> cool huh

Sis: Wait where’d you go?  Vegas?

Me: Yeahhhh’mmmm weee.

Uh oh dwearp

Dear

Sis: Haha uh oh..?

Me: uh oh I’m kinda drunk

Sis: I’m aware.

Saturday, 1:00 AM

Krewella is on.  They aren’t singing.  Some band they are that they just DJ their own music live instead of singing?  It hardly sounds any different than the record.  WTF.  I could’ve just stayed in San Diego, gotten drunk, and had the same experience.

Oh well, I didn’t buy the tickets.  Some guy did.  He is my girlfriend’s roommates friend.  He went out with them a few weeks ago (I met up with them as well), and took a liking to my girl.  So, he then invited Holly and her roommate to Vegas, saying he’d pay for their hotel, tickets, and gas.

I, of course, said fuck no, she couldn’t.  Until…he offered to buy my ticket.

Pretty sure he didn’t get laid all weekend.

Saturday, 3:25 AM

Texting with my sis again…

Me: I think holly and i are both deaf now.

no joke

Sis: That’s unfortunate.

Me: shush

Sis: Haha are you guys going to sleep soon?  I think you should drink some water and sleep.

Me: We are trying to find out hotel.  It’s not going so well.  This place is confusing

Saturday, 3:38 AM

I text my sister in jubilation, “WE FOUND IT! <the room>”

Holly and I get into the room and have absolutely filthy sex.  She told me at the beginning of the weekend to “rape her, dominate her, and do whatever the fuck I want.”

So I did just that.  I told her to fight as hard as she could and I simply overpowered her.  I skull fucked her.  Pinched her.  Slapped her.  Basically…beat the shit out of her.  I think I left some bruises.

Whoops.

Saturday, 6:00 AM

Holly’s insane roommate back home knocks on our door and asks if she and her friend can pee.  I’m livid.  I kick them out after they pee, though they tried to get us out of bed to go party more.

Saturday, 9:30 AM

Morning sex is awesome.

Saturday, 12:00 PM

Well, would you look at that!  We’re awake.  We have sex and Holly makes me a sandwich.

Saturday, 3:30 PM

Fuck I’m drunk.  I’ve had probably half a bottle of vodka at this point between all the Gatorades.  Plus another few margaritas and Bloody Mary’s.  Holly gambles $20 and she loses it all on red.  I think it was red.  Who fuckin’ knows at this point.

Saturday, 5:30 PM

Holly’s crazy ass roommate goes back to some guy’s hotel room who she met at Margaritaville 20 minutes prior.  WHORE.

Saturday, 7:30 PM

We show up to our reservation at Pampas Brazilian Steakhouse at Planet Hollywood.  What follows is several hours of being served some of the best meat I’ve ever tasted hot off the grill.

Saturday, 10:00 PM

Holy fuck it’s about 40 degrees out.  Holly’s whining it’s too cold in her dress.  We make it back to Luxor and have more crazy sex.  I move a desk next to the window and bend her over overlooking the strip.

Saturday, 11:30 PM

An old friend whom I went to school with for a year stops by our room (she lives in Vegas).  We bullshit for about half an hour.  At about midnight, we fall asleep.  On a Saturday night.  In Vegas.  I blame that damn food coma.  It was so worth it though.

Sunday, 8:30 AM

I wake up.  Refreshed, and not hungover.  WIN!  I wake Holly up by fingering her.  The initial sleepy confusion of, “What are you doing?” immediately turns to moans.

Sunday, 9:45 AM

We’re on the road!

Sunday, 2:05 PM

And…we’re back!  And off to a Super Bowl party.  Where I will drink more.

Fuck, does it ever end?

My life is awesome.

  • February 5, 2014
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