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Always Raw Dog

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Can you feel the love tonight?

Condoms suck.  It’s no secret.  Show me a guy who likes condoms, and I’ll show you water that isn’t wet.

Girls love it, too.  The fact that she is being touched bare, without a barrier, in the innermost recesses of her body by your member bonds her to you.  As you begin to release inside of her body, filling her with your hot, sticky…

…okay, okay, the porno is over.  Sorry kiddos.

Really though, you should raw dog every girl you cum (see what I did there?) across.  Simply put, you can fuck way better without a condom.  The sex is going to be better in almost every case.  Why?  Condoms choke your dick, dry up, never fit (I need XXXXS, duh), and on top of that they cost money.  Who the fuck wants to pay to, well, fuck?  I firmly believe a large chunk of getting a girl to stick around, and bond with you, is sticking it to her good.  Condoms are the perfect way to prevent you from bringing your A-game.

It’s the equivalent of showing up to your basketball game in a wheelchair. Sure, there’s less chance of you getting hurt, but why handicap yourself?  The best risks have the best rewards.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a girl say, “Oh my gosh it feels sooooooo good when you put the condom on and fuck me.”

Chirp chirp.  Are those crickets I hear?

Now, raise your hand if you’ve heard a girl say, “OMG I love feeling your raw cock and cum inside of me.”

*applause*

Now, we could go on about how these girls are filthy whores, but really, it’s not their fault.  Science itself backs it up.  You see gentlemen, our beautiful, salty, man spunk actually has a ton of health benefits:

Vaginal tissue is very absorptive. It’s richly endowed with blood and lymph vessels. Given vaginal absorptiveness and all the mood-elevating compounds in found in semen, Gallup, Burch, and SUNY colleague Steven Platek wondered if semen exposure might be associated with better mood and less depression. They surveyed 293 college women at SUNY Albany about intercourse with and without condoms, and then gave the women the Beck Depression Inventory, a standard test of mood.Compared with women who “always” or “usually” used condoms, those who “never” did, whose vaginas were exposed to semen, showed significantly better mood–fewer depressive symptoms, and less bouts of depression. In addition, compared to women who had no intercourse at all, the semen-exposed women showed more elevated mood and less depression.

You see, biologically, it makes women happy to have us bust a nut inside of them without a condom.  It literally fights off depression and elevates mood.  So when my girlfriend inevitably complains that she’s feeling shitty one day, I guess I’ll just hold her down and bust a nut inside of her and that should make things chipper again.

Basically, all of the fancy anti-depressants, all the overpaid psychologists, and Cosmopolitan magazine would be completely unnecessary if more women would just give the middle finger to Durex and Trojan and start having all dudes jizz inside of their pussy.

If I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure I just found a way to help clean up our welfare budget, eliminate worthless degrees, and improve the life of countless American women.  And it’s so simple; have more unprotected sex!

Fuck you, Obama, I got this shit figured out.

But Troublemaker, the risk of getting pregnant will make me MORE stressed and unhappy!

Valid point, but…

Meanwhile, risky sex is usually associated with negative self-esteem and depressed mood. Among college women, risky sex includes intercourse without condoms, so we would expect sex sans condoms to be associated with more depressive symptoms, and more serious depression including suicide attempts. However, in the Gallup-Burch-Platek study, among women who “always” or “usually” used condoms, about 20 percent reported suicidal thoughts, but among those who used condoms only “sometimes,” the figure was much lower, 7 percent, and among women who “never” used condoms, only 5 percent reported suicidal thoughts.

There you have it ladies, you will be happier and significantly less likely to contemplate jumping off of a bridge if you let boys bust inside of you.  Though, the fact that many women have suicidal thoughts is a bit…concerning.

So, boys, throw that 12-pack in the garbage and get to work.  After all, you’re doing it to make her happy.  Don’t be selfish.

*Troublemaker, ThisIsTrouble.com, @TruthfulTrouble, etc etc is not responsible for any unwanted pregnancies, STDs, blah blah blah.  In the event of pregnancy, if you ask nicely, he may advise the best method to perform a home abortion.

However, he will gladly take credit for advising you on the path to the best sex of your life.  Feel free to email him if you want to share a story.

Read More: The Opportunity Cost Of Her Orgasm

  • January 15, 2014
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