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Holly Comes Home For The Holidays

I am learning a lot about relationships these past few weeks.  I’m learning you can’t treat it like a pick up attempt.  I’m learning you have to, at some point, let some true colors shine through.  I’m learning that you have to allow yourself to feel a little vulnerable.  I’m learning that it’s terrifying in ways, and at the same time, it can be a great feeling.

This is all provided you come from the right frame.  Meaning you’ve accepted the possible hurt and feelings that can come with it.  You must come to terms with your inner demons.  Building a deeper connection with a girl requires you to open up and show your true self.  I was having a conversation with YouSoWould recently, and he brought up a good point: If you open up, and that gets rejected, it stings much more so than a botched approach at the bar.  Check out his blog, he has a very healthy outlook towards life.  I hope his recent relationship is bringing him all the happiness he has earned through his hard work.

I think game sometimes puts a wall up between men and women.  Let’s face it, most of us got into game because we got burned in the past.  It’s completely understandable that those who put in the time to learn game and develop skills tend to be very, very against the deeper, committed relationships.  Does it do you good though, to put up a wall so thick that the iron wrought of feminists can’t even break through it?  At some point you must accept the fact that you are human, you do have feelings, and that you can structure the frame of your life to deal with it accordingly.

You see, I want adventure in life.  I want to do some cool shit like snowboarding, surfing, road trips, and other experiences along those lines. I want to do it with someone whose company I enjoy.  I can enjoy just about any pretty women’s company for the sake of getting my dick wet.  There are few girls whose company I enjoy so much I actually want to provide, protect, and just enjoy her as a person.

For myself, I’m finding it’s hard to achieve complete happiness and satisfaction while moving between random vaginas.  Call me a blue pill faggot all you want; I still want to build relationships with women and enjoy their company.  Does it make me vulnerable?  Yes.  Does it mean women have the power to hurt me?  Yes.  The point I’m trying to make though is that I’m slowly coming to that acceptance…and it’s okay.  I’ve built my life in such a way that I have so many things going on, a singular woman will never be the focus.  Even if I go down the road of building a deep connection, I can bounce back if she uses that power to hurt me.  Because I’ve built myself that way.  And it makes me happy to move along and progress in a relationship.

At the end of the day, shouldn’t we all be trying to maximize our happiness?  Much like the debate between what’s best – day game, night game, online game, there is no one size fits all formula.  Everyone has a different journey towards their own happiness.

My journey this week included bringing a girl home to meet my parents and sister.

You can read more about this girl, Holly, in the following posts, and the following excerpt is from one of the posts:

  1. Field Report: 5 Girls In 5 Days: Day 5 & RECAP
  2. I Underestimate Myself
  3. Happy Thanksgiving
  4. Holly Asks For Commitment: Thanksgiving Follow Up
  5. Coming To Terms With My Own Fear Of Commitment
  6. The Conclusion Of The Holly Saga

I told her I wasn’t going to commit yet, but that I would like to start seeing more of her and see what happens, which isn’t a lie.  Rather than once a week, I told her we were going to start seeing each other two to three times a week and I would see how that went.  In addition, I’d like to start bringing her around some of my friends, and even invited her to spend a couple days prior to Christmas with my family.  Of course, she was scared of that, because when I met her whole family *I* was in the spotlight and it makes her nervous to be in the same position I was.

Her coming to visit my family was not brought up against after Thanksgiving…for a while.  She didn’t have complete and utter enthusiasm about it, so I let it go.  I wasn’t going to bring her home if she was anything less than thrilled and flattered by the offer.  It never came up again until about five days before I was due to make the drive from San Diego to Sacramento, when she said something along the lines of:

“Sooooo…do you still want me to go home with you and meet your family?”

The thing is, I wasn’t that shocked, because I’m starting to understand things on a deeper level than short-term flings.  My game is evolving.  I had long concluded she has her guard up with me, as she’s admitted she’s terrified I could smash her heart into tiny little pieces if she lets me in too much.  The truth is, I had been opening up a bit to her since Thanksgiving.  Does this mean letting her run the show?  Hell no.   It did mean making myself a little more vulnerable though.  And truthfully, I can’t say I blame her.  She didn’t want to put herself in a situation where her heart would get stomped on without a little bit of reassurance.  Relationship game does not equal pickup.  The fact that she was reaching out and trying to take the next step showed she was willing to face her fears head on for me.

I obliged.  We talked about it a bit more, and made the plans.  She would drive up with me, spend the weekend, and then fly back to her hometown to spend Christmas Eve/Day with her own family.

We had a blast.

Once we got through Los Angeles, the entire time me cursing the fact that I chose to drive my car with the manual gearbox and instead of the automatic, we settled into a nice, smooth journey.  There was plenty of conversations, but plenty of quiet time.  I think that is a great test that all guys should pull on their girl: is she capable of just sitting in silence, looking at you, and being happy?  Does she feel the need to pull out her phone and text all her friends, or is she content?  As I weaved between cars on Interstate 5 while blasting The Chili Peppers, I could see her out of the corner of my eye, gazing at me with a happy look on her face.  There was no awkward silence, just a peaceful serenity.

Once we arrived roughly nine hours later, it was time for her to deal with the nerves of meeting my parents and sister.  She did an excellent job and they quite enjoyed her company the entire weekend.

Saturday I decided to give her a lesson of how to wheel a go-kart.  I haven’t talked about this much, but I grew up racing competition go karts.  Karts like these:

karts

These 150-pound karts hit 60 in <5 seconds and have top speeds of 100+ miles per hour if geared right.  The track we went to is pretty technical, with top speeds reaching about 70 mph.

I had planned to go out with my Dad and drive several weeks before (I’m rusty, as I haven’t really raced or driven these karts since moving to San Diego).  I took the first session and broke the tires in, nearly spinning out in the first turn as I drove in way too hard.  After I finished and concluded the kart was in good working order, I took her out and walked the track, showing her some of the corners. So here I was, throwing this tiny little girl who has never driven anything with this much power onto a race track.  I strapped on her rib protector, helmet, and firesuit and off she went.

As she left the pit area I heard her get on the throttle hard.  My Dad and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows.  As I ran out to the track to watch, I could hear her going around the back end of the track (it’s not all visible).  I was impressed, she was being pretty aggressive for a first-timer.  She accelerated out from the last corner and on to the straightaway, full throttle.  I’d wager she probably pushed the kart up to 60 mph on her first lap…and as she drove into Turn 1 for the first time, she locked up the brakes and backed it into the wall.  Fortunately, all was well and she got up laughing.  Fortunately, I also captured it on video.

We had a blast the rest of the day taking turns driving, with me going out onto the track and coaching her during her sessions.

Do not underestimate the power of teaching a girl something.

I would stand on the walls and direct her to switch up the line she was taking in to the corners.  I let her do a little work on the kart itself.  She improved quite a bit, knocking a solid ten seconds off her laptimes from the day from start to finish.  She stalled probably a dozen times throughout the day, with me running all over the track to re-start her.  I probably ran 5 miles.  Many of the other racers out there (some of them old friends) remarked that she was doing great for a first timer.

The rest of the weekend we did some Christmas shopping, went out to eat, and spent more time with my family.

Honestly, it couldn’t have gone much better.  I had fun.  I’m happy.

Isn’t that what we all should strive for?

  • Wow! Quite a different kind of post for you. Someone will make an honest man if you yet :0)

  • Wow! Quite a different kind of post for you. Someone will make an honest man if you yet :0)

  • YouSoWould says:

    Cheers for the props, you’ve definitely got a good head on your shoulders at 22 (infinitely more so than I did – I was smoking a quarter ounce of weed every other day at that point I think), and you seem to have made rapid progress through this journey in a short space of time, arriving at a point a lot of guys never reach.

    The deeper emotional connection a committed relationship with a cool girl brings is much greater reward than empty hookups in my book. Provided you are open with one another and communicate well, as you’ve stated, then it will only improve over time as you get to know each other’s nuances of character.

    There isn’t so much written about how to handle relationships, since a lot of guys writing in the ‘sphere aren’t in one, and wouldn’t know what to do with one if it bit them on the arse.

    Dropping excessive “game” and being more authentic is a necessity, but that doesn’t mean acting like a beta. Maintaining a strong, masculine frame is key, with clearly defined boundaries on what behaviour you will and won’t tolerate from your girl. Praise and encourage that which you like, come down fast on that which you don’t.

    Sharing hobbies is also cool as you’ve found – when I met my girlfriend, she was in good shape, but had never seen the inside of a gym in her life. Now we go together 4 or 5 times a week, and she’s developing a better 6-pack than me. It’s not all one way either – she’s improved my dress sense greatly, and ignited a passion for fine dining at Michelin starred restaurants.

    Travelling alone, whilst fun and good for developing self-confidence, was something of an empty experience for me, as I observed a series of amazing sights with a bunch of people I’d only just met at a hostel the day before, who I’d never speak to again the following day. Once I’m making a decent income from trading, I’m going to go do it again, but with the girlfriend in tow. An experience shared with someone you care about is much more significant.

    Finally one of the greatest benefits, is that relieving yourself of the time sink of constantly changing new women – dating, heading out to bars all the time, managing communications etc – frees up your energies to focus on things like wealth creation and further self-improvement in the shape of pursuing your ambitions. A great relationship is a big part of a balanced life, but it’s only a part – there’s a lot more to focus on too.

    Good to hear you’ve taken the plunge, hope all continues to work out well. We human beings have a necessity for emotional connection in order to achieve lasting happiness, and those that choose to deny that need will never be good role models to any of us aspiring for contentment and peace of mind.

    • Thanks man for the thoughts. I am looking forward to writing more about this new journey.

      On another note…she also found this blog yesterday. I guess I’ll be learning how to handle it much like what you had to do!

  • YouSoWould says:

    Cheers for the props, you’ve definitely got a good head on your shoulders at 22 (infinitely more so than I did – I was smoking a quarter ounce of weed every other day at that point I think), and you seem to have made rapid progress through this journey in a short space of time, arriving at a point a lot of guys never reach.

    The deeper emotional connection a committed relationship with a cool girl brings is much greater reward than empty hookups in my book. Provided you are open with one another and communicate well, as you’ve stated, then it will only improve over time as you get to know each other’s nuances of character.

    There isn’t so much written about how to handle relationships, since a lot of guys writing in the ‘sphere aren’t in one, and wouldn’t know what to do with one if it bit them on the arse.

    Dropping excessive “game” and being more authentic is a necessity, but that doesn’t mean acting like a beta. Maintaining a strong, masculine frame is key, with clearly defined boundaries on what behaviour you will and won’t tolerate from your girl. Praise and encourage that which you like, come down fast on that which you don’t.

    Sharing hobbies is also cool as you’ve found – when I met my girlfriend, she was in good shape, but had never seen the inside of a gym in her life. Now we go together 4 or 5 times a week, and she’s developing a better 6-pack than me. It’s not all one way either – she’s improved my dress sense greatly, and ignited a passion for fine dining at Michelin starred restaurants.

    Travelling alone, whilst fun and good for developing self-confidence, was something of an empty experience for me, as I observed a series of amazing sights with a bunch of people I’d only just met at a hostel the day before, who I’d never speak to again the following day. Once I’m making a decent income from trading, I’m going to go do it again, but with the girlfriend in tow. An experience shared with someone you care about is much more significant.

    Finally one of the greatest benefits, is that relieving yourself of the time sink of constantly changing new women – dating, heading out to bars all the time, managing communications etc – frees up your energies to focus on things like wealth creation and further self-improvement in the shape of pursuing your ambitions. A great relationship is a big part of a balanced life, but it’s only a part – there’s a lot more to focus on too.

    Good to hear you’ve taken the plunge, hope all continues to work out well. We human beings have a necessity for emotional connection in order to achieve lasting happiness, and those that choose to deny that need will never be good role models to any of us aspiring for contentment and peace of mind.

  • dannyfrom504 says:

    I’m enjoying watching your journey. You are on a good path, a true path. I might end up in so-cal to have a beer with you.

    As I told you before; figure out what you want and apply game as needed. It’s really that simple young Padawan.

  • dannyfrom504 says:

    I’m enjoying watching your journey. You are on a good path, a true path. I might end up in so-cal to have a beer with you.

    As I told you before; figure out what you want and apply game as needed. It’s really that simple young Padawan.

  • Awesome Joe says:

    You seem to be writing this from a really defensive stance bruh bruh. If you want a relationship, have a relationship, you don’t have to go around fucking every girl to be worth a damn (For the record it’s actually harder to keep a worthwhile girl long term than fucking a bunch of sluts short term, problem is finding a girl to fit the description). Props to you for finding a good one; don’t lose track of yourself and blah blah blah blah

  • Awesome Joe says:

    You seem to be writing this from a really defensive stance bruh bruh. If you want a relationship, have a relationship, you don’t have to go around fucking every girl to be worth a damn (For the record it’s actually harder to keep a worthwhile girl long term than fucking a bunch of sluts short term, problem is finding a girl to fit the description). Props to you for finding a good one; don’t lose track of yourself and blah blah blah blah

  • […] As she left the pit area I heard her get on the throttle hard. My Dad and I looked at each other wit… […]

  • […] start off with the happier news.  Holly and I are together.  This means that there will be no more field reports – sans nights out […]

  • […] from a guy who has had some pretty damn expensive and time consuming hobbies over the years – go-karting, guitar, triathlons, mountain biking, all of which are easily capable of consuming 20 hours a week […]

  • […] from a guy who has had some pretty damn expensive and time consuming hobbies over the years – go-karting, guitar, triathlons, mountain biking, all of which are easily capable of consuming 20 hours a week […]

  • Andrew says:

    Awww cute! Where’s she from?

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