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Groupie Guests (Reader Mail): How To Work A Room?

Awesome Joe writes:

I started reading heartiste and roosh about a year and a half ago and internalized many of the beliefs associated with those two . When ROK came out, I began reading it. Most ROK articles are trash, the the stupidity of most of the commenters bothers me. I still read ROK, but more for my own entertainment than anything. I noticed your bio on the site, and saw that you were close to my age (Four years older actually), an engineer (Future career path), a guitarist (I assume you write music as well), and fitness enthusiast (No fat slobs allowed). This all piqued my interest enough to read your blog, and I definitely thought it was interesting; I skimmed through most of it but liked what I saw for the most part. Anyway I wanted to email you for two reasons.

First off, you seem to know how to work a room. I’ve always been good with girls, but in a way that bothers her family and other guys. I’m clueless on how to work in large group settings, really more than 4 people, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to help with that.

Second, if you do write music, get into music production. Writing’s so much fun, and although production is complex, it gives you so much creative control over your sound. Obviously you could find a producer, but you’re really better off doing it yourself and having your own vision when it comes to music. I play Guitar (Like you I learned it to impress girls, eventually fell in love and six months of two hours a day later I’m half decent), and Piano, but when I started on music production it expanded my view of music drastically. You can literally do anything these days. I attached a powerpoint of notes I took from an online course on music production by Berklee College, feel free to comb through it and learn the basics of production. I also did a post on music production a few weeks ago at http://th3enlightenment.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-ten-most-important-things-in-music.html

First off, thanks for taking the time to email me and for the kind thoughts, Joe.

Let’s now address your inquiries about working a room.

First off, you seem to know how to work a room. I’ve always been good with girls, but in a way that bothers her family and other guys.

First off – what are the circumstances?  Other guys?  Family?  Where on Earth are you trying to pickup, family gatherings?  As you’re 4 years younger, I can assume you’re 18, and if you live in the States, you obviously can’t be out hitting the bars.  Therefore, I’m left to speculate on these circumstances.  Let’s break down a fictional “event” though, and realize that the same general concepts apply to a bar, for those who are 21+.

If you’re in a public event sitting and trying to work groups, you first need to realize you can’t be a dancing monkey.  Don’t be running around and making an ass of yourself and approaching anything with a vagina (this doesn’t mean be a pussy and don’t make any approaches).  People will notice, without a doubt.  With that being said, you do want to be seen socializing with many different groups.  This gives you confidence, momentum, and preselection.  Therefore, when you make the approach to the group with your target in it, they’ll already have seen you socializing with other people (guys and girls alike) and therefore, they’re likely to be more receptive to you.

By the way you said “bothers” I’m guessing that you come across as too much of a player/douchebag and that pisses off her family and friends because they see right through the act you’re putting up.  Because of this, you should try to tone down the “pick-up”.  Just be a charismatic guy who talks to everyone, bringing value to the situation, instead of creating awkward circumstances in which you’re undoubtedly trying to make a move when it’s not called for.

For example, the other night I was out with the guys at a bar.  We had a cute waitress, 5″4′ with a great face and eyes – probably an 8, maybe 8.5 when dolled up.  When she came over I greeted her and asked how her night was going before she could ask for our orders.  I made fun of her a bit.  As she kept coming back and asking if we needed more drinks I dubbed her “Miss Pushy”.  The next time, I asked for her pen and wrote “Pushy” on her nametag.  For the rest of the night we flirted; eventually I called her over and my boys scrammed.  I asked for her pen again and told her I was going to write her number on my hand.  She looked shocked but ultimately gave it to me:

tavern waitress

Notice what I did, and didn’t, do:

  1. Distract her from work for an extended period of time.
  2. Brought her into our world (we were having a great night, and I made her a part of it).
  3. Didn’t take any value away from her night.
  4. Stood out from the legions of guys just ordering drinks and oggling her.
  5. Gave her a chance to avoid judgment by going about the number close in a discreet manner.

If you read my stuff in more detail you’ll see I’m not a huge advocate of “pick-up”, and by that I mean routines, lines, and other gimmicks.  I believe in building your own value in such a way that people can’t help but feel magnetized by it.  When you do that, you’ll bring value to every interaction, which I suspect you are not doing at this point.

Last piece of advice: you don’t always have to shoot for the stars.  I don’t always bother with large groups because they’re more difficult to break into, especially if you don’t have a good wing(s).  Remember, there are other girls always around the corner.  It’s a numbers game; so play the best odds.  But, don’t let that be an excuse to be a pussy.

Second, if you do write music, get into music production. Writing’s so much fun, and although production is complex, it gives you so much creative control over your sound.

I’ve been dabbling with the idea of this for a while, and would like to do it someday.  I don’t really write songs anymore though.  For whatever reason, the desire and passion just isn’t there.  I still play every day, but nothing motivates me to put pen to paper and actually write lyrics.  I suspect the recent changing of my beliefs towards the opposite sex entail for that, as I stated in the post I linked.  However, I’m a go with the flow kind of guy.  Sometimes I’m motivated to do endurance sports, other times, weights.  For the last few months, I’ve been unbelievably motivated to write blog posts; which is my creative outlet for the time being.  Eventually, I’m sure the creative outlet will turn back to music and guitar and then I will have to take a further look into production.  I do loops and edits in Garageband but that’s about the extent of it.  Loops pedals are a blast.

Keep playing though.  Two hours a day for six months is nothing.  I’ve been playing for 8 years now and it amazes me (and plenty of other folks) what I can do with a fretboard and six strings nowadays.

Leave any follow-up questions (or clarification on the group situation) in the comments below and I’ll be sure to answer them.

-TM.

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