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When A Girl Says You’re Short

😀 Haha, I was complete white trash for Halloween. Had a fake pregnant belly on. A black Ratchet transformers t-shirt that was off the shoulder with my bra straps showing. Cut off jeans. A metal militia hat, “free bird” fake tatted on my knuckles, a chest tattoo with the white-trash names of my other 6 kids, horriblly done make-up, barefoot (until the party got messy), with a pack of cigs (I don’t smoke) in my front pocket, and a beer in my hands or mouth at all times. It was EPIC! Many people thought it was real, and I let them believe it if they were dumb enough. “It’s my body I’ll do what I want” haha and lots of “Are YOU my baby’s daddy?” Horrible sense of humor I know!

Sounds like fun doesn’t it?  Game on.

MY RESPONSE: That’s pretty awesome. I’d like to see a picture of this… I did a play of the “Thing 1 Thing 2” that everyone does…and I went wrote “Bro 1 and Bro 2” on my biceps, and then ripped a shirt up as a bro tank, wore a backwards hat, and carried around some “BROtein” powder.

HER: hahaha How long have you lived in SD? And are you a bro? And I’ve found that most guys that are under 6 foot, like to add another inch or two to how tall they are on here? Every 5’10 guy that I’ve met is really my height (ed: shit test)…. How tall are you REALLY?

ME: Lived here 4 years, definitely not a bro. Though I’ve had people tell me they thought I was because of my arms, lol. I’m actually 4’11” (agree and amplify).  You seem cool let’s get a drink.

HER: Hahaha that is SOOOO true! You must not be too new to this online crap! I can’t do 4’11 BRO!!! And would you want to meet up today? (shit test completely obliterated) I’m bored out of my skull right now! And if so, what are you looking for on okcupid? And are you bringing your friend so he can see I’m not a guy? lol

I couldn’t meet up with her that day, but I got her number and set something up for the following evening.  She lives about twenty minutes away from me and doesn’t have a car.  I tell her she has to come to my neck of the woods.  I literally made her borrow a car from a friend to come and see me.  I have two cars; I am just a lazy motherfucker.  I keep the texting short and concise, though I do make sure I get a picture of the aforementioned Halloween costume.  She sends me a couple other (non-naked) photos and I realize…this girl has enormous tits.

36DDD, to be exact.

too short

Same size boobs and actually a very similar prettiness level in the face.

The next day I text her my typical “confirmation” text: “I like dresses and skirts.  FYI.  See you tonight.”

She ends up bringing a dress but it’s rather cold so she apologizes for not wearing it.  We sit down at the bar and order a couple of beers.  She doesn’t know what she wants so I take charge and order it for her.  Within five minutes I’ve got my knee pressed up against hers and she doesn’t move it.  We go through the usual chit chat of where we’re from and what we’re doing with our lives, and eventually I progress into the questions game with her.  Of course, I immediately turn it sexual.  After a half hour or so of this, I go with a weasel move, suggesting that we go back to my place (conveniently right around the corner) because the “beer is cheaper” and I want to “show her a video.”  At first she says no, but it doesn’t take much convincing until we’re in her friend’s car (which is a stick, she can hardly drive the thing) on our way to my apartment.

We lay on the couch and have another beer.  I pull out the guitar and tell her to “pick any song.”  I do my usual routine of soloing a simple pentatonic scale over the top of her choice, which, as it always does, amazes her.  I drop my usual kiss close routine, “My next question…how good of a kisser are you on a scale of one to ten?”  Says she doesn’t know.  I respond by saying I want to find out and kiss her.  She’s into it.  At this point this is all such a routine and I’m thinking I’ll be sailing my way to a +1 that night, until she brings up…the height.  Again.

I’m about 5’9″, maybe 5’10” on a good day, but she’s definitely my height.  She says she’s just not that into me, and asks if I’ll be offended easily.  I say no, and she tells me that it’s because of my height that she isn’t into me, but other than that, I’m awesome.  I laugh and tell her if it bothers her that much, she’s free to leave and never speak to me again.  I figured this was an easy way to get past the shit test.

She gets up and starts collecting her things.  SHIT.  Now, as I’ve discussed before, you almost never want to do what you’re “supposed” to do with girls.  Most guys, in this situation, would probably ask her to stay or something beg and grovel.  I went fucking caveman.  Grabbed her, and pinned her down.

Growled, “I bet my height doesn’t bother you as much now.”  She moaned and said it didn’t.

Shit test nuked to fucking orbit. 

I lead her to the bedroom but I’m still getting the, “We’re not having sex,” talk.  She’s making excuses that she’s getting a Brazilian soon and that it’s a mess down there.  I get her shirt off though, and I realize…I’ll be quite happy to simply titty fuck a set of 36DDD’s.  She sucks my dick and I titty fuck her for a while.

Too bad I turned her on to much that she couldn’t resist me fucking her.  She eventually says she just “needs it”, and, “Do you have a condom?” I tell her I don’t mind what’s going on down there (it wasn’t even bad).  We get down to business and I pounded her while watching those glorious tits bounce all over the place.  Eventually, I unload a gallon of jizz on her tits.

We watch a movie, fuck again, and she spends the night.  My game was top-notch on this one.

Read More: Five Girls In Five Days

  • November 8, 2013
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