Profile of the Week: Edition I

Hello and welcome to what I hope is a fun series regarding online dating.  As I sift through online profiles every week, I usually take a glance at their profile text (despite that I copy and paste the same message to all), and some of them are downright hilarious.  My goal is to bring you one profile a week of a disillusion girl.  Ladies, don’t be like the girls that will be in these posts.

This week’s “prize” is a chubby Latina who of course lists herself as “curvy”.  She’s literally got three chins.  I’m nice enough to not post the photos, but she definitely doesn’t look anything like…this.  Check out the profile below, and see my comments in bold.

This is curvy.  People seem to interchange curvy and obese these days. #fatshamingweek

This is curvy. People seem to interchange curvy and obese these days. #fatshamingweek

My self-summary

hey im marLa im 21 yrs old (I fail to see why girls say their age in the first sentence.  It’s already on your profile.  It’s also nice to know from the start that her grammar is horrific.)
first of all…IM NOT LOOKING FOR HOOKUPS so fuck off if youre just looking at my profile 🙂 (translation: I’m down to fuck you on the first date.  This is the equivalent to, “I’ll come in, but we’re not having sex.”)
in currently a student at university live with my parents (translation: so you’ll have to fuck me at your place), but i can do what i want (I’m a slut), i love to travel. dogs and cats are ok (It’s one or the other), i like tattoos (I’m a slut), very 420 friendly like edm and going to clubs too (definitely a slut…)..but i like to chill out at home sometimes 🙂 go out with my firends and do all sorts of stuf (Wow, so you like…stuff?)..i know how to play guitar and use cdjs and all that dj stuff (actually kinda cool)

i like going to the beach i try to surf hahaha but cant
and bike trailing bongrr jumping (I have no idea what this is supposed to say)
and alot of outdoors activities L)

What I’m doing with my life

im in med school 4th semester (Somehow, I really don’t believe she’s 21 and in her second year of med school.)
going t the gym trying to get in the best shape asap! (A good start would be to stop drinking “often” and stop smoking “when drinking”)

I’m really good at

making my parents mad :O (this is just so stupid.  You’re on a dating site trying to put your best forward, and this is what you’re “really good at”?  Yeah, I bet they’re mad because they raised a worthless slut)

The first things people usually notice about me

my smile (Well, if the chins don’t cover it up)

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

music: edm, blink 182 sum 41 all the old school stuff
house/deep house music
musicmuscismusciduvyfubeiskvreiw <—– huh?

The six things I could never do without

family
money (So she probably wants someone hot and rich while bringing nothing to the table herself)
perfume (to mask all the smoke and alcohol on her breath)
MUSIC
food
water

On a typical Friday night I am

partying or maybe just stay home or chilling with friends 😀

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

im reaaaaaaaallly lazy (Once again, why the fuck would you say something like this?)

I’m looking for

  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 18–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

You should message me if

your a guy! guys msg first 🙂
have xbox live : Stacysmom182
im not picky (You only have to have a Ferrari, a six pack, and make $100,000 a year)…just dont be weird or older than 30 (honey, you’re doing online dating)…and just looking for sex (Yep.  Big slut.)

BONUS QUESTIONS answered by her:

Regardless of future plans, what’s more interesting to you right now?  (Sex or true love are the answers)

Sex

Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?

Yes

Do you believe that falling in love with someone you have talked or written to but have never met is the most genuine way to come to love a person?

Yes

What a dumb girl.  I think my IQ dropped just from reading her profile while writing this.

Read More: Does Online Game = Laziness?

  • October 13, 2013
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