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Starbucks Makes You Fat

Not just evil…masters of evil.

I’m sitting at Starbucks, the girl next to me has been making faces at her phone for the last five minutes.  There’s the “duck lips” face, the “serious” face, the “Starbucks mug shot” face, and a couple other weird ones that hopefully don’t make it on to her Facebook.  Oh, look at that!  She has her lunch out.  Looks to be healthy Greek yogurt and cantaloupe.  She’s fit, but is undoing all that good of the small, light (but probably not actually that healthy) lunch by sucking the life out of a large frapamocasmoothiechocolatesundaechino.  Whatever the hell it’s called.  I don’t actually drink caffeine personally, but Starbucks has free WiFi and I’m only a block from the beach.  I’m sitting out here drinking water out of a Gatorade bottle and people are staring at me funny because I don’t have a calorie loaded heart attack in a cup on my table.

This girl is reasonably attractive.  I would probably rate her at a 7, maybe a 7.5 on a good day.  I’m not going to judge her for her choice of drink because she’s in shape.  However, the 250-pound land whales walking through the door, and walking out with their mid-morning treat, I don’t understand.  Starbucks is a status symbol more than anything.  I remember in high school; it was “cool” if you walked around with a Starbucks cup.  Why?  I have no fucking idea.  So all these office workers come into Starbucks every morning, get a 700 calorie sugar-loaded drink, and then go sit in their office chairs where they don’t move for the next couple hours.  Unless, of course, it’s to take a trip to the vending machine for a soda or a “healthy” snack of Goldfish crackers and a Snickers bar.  Which satisfies.

In my office, a lot of typical daily meals look something like this:

  • Breakfast: Bowl of sugar.  Err, sorry, I mean cereal.  Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes, Raisin Bran.  You know what, sugar is actually a fair assessment.
  • En route to work: Large frapamocasmoothiechocolatesundaechino.
  • Lunch: Go out to various establishments: pizza, Mongolian BBQ, sandwiches, etc.
  • Afternoon snack: sodas/snacks from the vending machine.
  • Dinner: Whatever is cooked.  Or stopping on the way home for another pizza.

No wonder America has gotten fat.  Excuse me, I have to go order a frapamocasmoothiechoclatesundaechino before they kick me off the WiFi.

  • Grace says:

    lol entertaining to read 🙂

    • Thank you! Admittedly you take a much nicer way to helping people be fit on your blog…I mostly just criticize, make fun of, and shame.

      Hey to each their own 😉

      • Grace says:

        hahahah! hey, aint no shame in the game (of blogging). yours is actually fun to read though lol

      • I have no shame in general. Was just reading your chest day workout. It makes me laugh how girls are all so worried about getting big and looking manly. Men struggle to get big and ripped, and women are generating such a low amount of testosterone in comparison; it makes me chuckle. 99% of the time they won’t get big and ripped 😉

      • Grace says:

        lol i know right!!! unless they are on some serious roids… lol

      • Exactly. If you have friends you’re trying to convince to start lifting, try to get them on a higher-rep-lower-weight regimen. That’s what I use these days so I can stay in triathlon weight range but still look good. Think something like:

        Bench press: 8 sets of 12 @ 70% of max
        Cables flys: 6 sets of 15 @ 70%
        Pushups to failure

        etc etc

      • Grace says:

        yea thats definitely good. my issue is that my friends don’t even work out… at all….. lol

      • Well soon enough they’ll be blowing up from eating too many frapamocasmoothiechocolatesundaechinos and then they’ll be begging for your help 😉

      • Grace says:

        lol it sucks that it has to get to that point!! but whatever will get them to change right? hahaah

      • Exactly. Good work on your transformation! I’d tap dat 😉

      • Grace says:

        Lol
        Thank u!!! 🙂 preciate dat

  • emma says:

    Haha. The only time I ever go to a Starbucks is if I need Wi-Fi access. The coffee I buy from a grocery store tastes 100x better than the coffee from Starbucks – I have no idea why it’s so popular!

  • […] 2.) Being fat.  Rather than accept the fact that her greatest asset is her beauty, women are instead celebrated for eating Dunkin’ Donuts and drinking whatever-the-fuck stupid name Starbucks uses for their large calorie-loaded heart attacks. […]

  • Lorna says:

    I agree with you, completely. Starbuck’s coffee tastes terrible, and that’s why they put 700 calories worth of fat and sugar in it to make it drinkable. I can’t imagine drinking all of that sugar every day, day in, day out. I keep seeing everybody else gaining about 10 lbs a year here at the office, but I don’t because I don’t eat the bagels/pizza/cookies/donuts or drink the sugary cokes/coffee.

  • Paul Murray says:

    Starbucks is a milk bar. It sells milkshakes. A shot of coffee does not change that.

  • […] 2. Being fat.  Rather than accept the fact that her greatest asset is her beauty, women are instead celebrated for eating Dunkin’ Donuts and drinking whatever-the-fuck stupid name Starbucks uses for their large calorie-loaded heart attacks. […]

  • Wizard Prang says:

    Word.

    Eighteen months ago, I cut out sugar. No sodas, sweets, fruit juice (OJ is worse than sugar), chocolate, sugar in tea and coffee, the lot. Within three months I lost 12lb without really trying… and none of my trousers fit me any more because I lost 3-4″ off my waistline.

    And I don’t do Starbucks. Starbucks is evil.

    Word.

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  • […] Manual labor and low class jobs in today’s society are grossly underrated. Sure, the work isn’t fun and the pay isn’t great, but unlike sitting in an office, they won’t make you fat. […]

  • kicker sven says:

    kicker sven

    Starbucks Makes You Fat – This Is Trouble

  • finsight.in says:

    finsight.in

    Starbucks Makes You Fat – This Is Trouble

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