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13 Ways To Live a Happy and Fulfilling Life (Written by a Ukrainian Girl)

My current girl from Ukraine was recently given this blog. Maybe someday I’ll write about that 😉

Inspired by what I do here on This Is Trouble (and especially my 25 lessons on my 25th birthday post), she wrote down a list of 13 ways that she could improve. They’re good enough that I think they can apply to most women (and men, frankly), so I wanted to share it.

I’ve done some light editing at her insistence (personally, I find the English mistakes endearing), but not much. Keep in mind that English isn’t her native language (one of 5 or so that she speaks).

So without further ado, here she is.

13 Ways To Live a Happy and Fulfilling Life (Written by a Ukrainian Girl)

1. Don’t lie.

Lies are a poison with a long influence. If you do that one time you’ll always need to follow your fake story. That is not easy thing to do and usually sooner or later the truth is going to be revealed. There are few reasons to lie and if yours is fear of consequences better try to understand why you are afraid then create a new lie.

2. Be perfectionist.

Being perfect is not possible at all but you can at least try to. That will make challenge yourself all the time. Even though to do something perfectly is almost unreachable goal you should be sure that you have done everything that was possible.

3. Do good things.

We never know what is going on in life of strangers whom we meet every day but it’s not hard thing at all just to be helpful and not be rude. That is not even an effort to hold a door so it won’t hit someone behind you or help if you see someone needs it.

4. Don’t rely too much on other people.

Common thing is that when you just telling someone you idea to do something they are very enthusiastic about but as soon as some real action is involved they osculate (Kyle’s note: Is it bad if I had to look up the definition of this word?) shrink away and give a bunch of reasons why they won’t do it. In this case it is much easier if you want to do something do it on your own–you’ll never regret it.

5. Value people.

That is connected with previous one. Even though you can do everything on own don’t give important people a feeling that you neglect them.

6. Read.

Reading is an activity that can make you relax, and at the same time makes your brain work. Even really bad and not interesting book can give you a lot of things to reflect on.

7. Have someone to follow.

It doesn’t mean you need to have an idol. That is for sure not good thing to idolize somebody and make you life revolve around this person. Better have someone who will inspire you to do your own steps to success. It is extremely inspiring when you think that you should give up, but then have a look at someone who didn’t.

8. Don’t do thing only because you want someone else appreciation.

Social networks are nowadays very common reason to do something that you for sure know will bring you a lot of positive feedback. Sometimes it’s a good motivation but better think what you want to do than what other people would like you to. Actions done for praise never will give you satisfaction.

(Kyle’s note: This is probably my favorite one.)

9. Use all opportunities you have.

That is very simple one but usually no one follows it. Do everything that you can, so you won’t regret that you hadn’t in future. That doesn’t mean that I’m telling you should commit a crime as soon as you’ll have a possibility. It’s more about not been lazy and scared not to succeed in something.

10. Have a hobby.

Firstly, it’s a good distraction from everyday problems. Day to day routine to earn money makes you life empty and purposeless. At the same time having a deep knowledge in some sphere makes you much more interesting for others.

11. Use every opportunity to speak in public.

Especially if you are scared to death to do it and shy. That can make you really confident in yourself. Just always remember that you confidence should not be based on nothing but on your knowledge and experience.

12. Don’t be superficial.

That is hard thing to do and usually people don’t go deep in research when they watch news or get any new information. In that case you will just know only stereotypes and sound rather stupid for those who avoid them. Making your own small research you will be surprise that thing are is so different from that what you thought before.

13. Don’t judge.

That is not in anyone competence. As was mentioned above we are all not perfect, so we never know all what we can be condemned for. Thinking about other people and their success or failures will never help you to improve yourself.

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  • I think she’s one of those girls people refer to as “Beautiful inside and out” 🙂 Perhaps she should be come a regular on your blog, Kyle 😀

    • Haha, now now…let’s slow down a bit there 😉


      Thank you, so nice to hear that 🙂 But I don’t think my writing will be interesting for people whom are reading this blog 🙂

      • No, you’re right, but you provide a nice sense of balance to Kyle.

      • What on Earth does this mean?!

      • It means she compliments you well. All those parts where you’re rough and tough and manly she compliments with her femininity.

      • Why yes, I am rough and tough and manly. Thank you.

  • BK

    Be careful dude, this one is wifey material

    • Haha…oh boy.

      Wonder what she would say to that one.


      Thank you, I don’t sure if it’s a good thing but sounds like it.

      • BK

        very positive

      • Thanks for responding man.

      • BK

        I could have gone into a lot more detail, but didnt want to put too big a head on her shoulders! ha

      • I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you don’t want to post publicly (she can handle it) feel free to email me:

      • BK

        Heres the concise version. I thought your post on 8 Tips to Screen a Girl for a Relationship was fantastic – short, and each point is absolutely necessary. Compare that piece to how your girl writes about herself, and you’ve got yourself a winner. If she’s got cousins in nyc, I’d love an intro, ha

      • Well first off–thanks. It’s probably obvious now that the 8 Tips post was…well, inspired by her slightly.

        She has absolutely no family in the US but if you care to come out to Kiev I’ll see what I can do 😉

  • my only contention is #2. I have learnt over the years that being a perfectionist, or additionally waiting for the perfect time/opportunity/moment to do something will hold you back from what you could potentially achieve. I say this as someone who has always had the mentality of “I have to make this as good as possible or it’s not worth it”.

    My issue is that depending on how your mind works, you fall into the trap of “I can do better”. Even if it is by the most marginal of degrees. There is a lot to be said for being willing to make something “good enough to work” and then putting it out there in the world instead of spending the time and effort to make it “absolutely perfect”. The thing is, your idea of what is perfect for whatever it is you might be working on, could be a complete waste of time as far as everyone else is concerned.

    In software development we are taught to run with the idea of an MVP – minimal viable product. Basically stripping down your idea to the barebones and making it functional. Then throwing it out in the world and seeing how it does. If you have been a website designer or software developer, then you can understand how much of a struggle it can be to juggle the balance of a “perfect product” vs something that works well even though you feel could be better.

    The Japanese have a process called Kaizen, which can be described as “the philosophy of continuous improvement of working practices, personal efficiency, etc.” I like that a lot more. You don’t have to be perfect, or release the perfect product, or write the perfect article. But odds are you can make it better. So get it done, get it working, don’t let the idea of “but it’s not perfect” hold you back (because this can and will, trust me on this). You can always improve it.

    • Great comment. Featured. I’m gonna put down some of my thoughts and then ask her to chime in when I see her later.

      Agree with the Kaizen process.

      I could edit every post on this blog for ten hours, or shoot every video 100 times to make it perfect. But would anyone really benefit from the article or video being so much marginally better? It’s not like it’s 2x as good with that time! We’re talking less than a 5% improvement (if that).

      Things can always be tweaked and edited later.

      • a lot of it comes down to ego, the fear of being judged, deemed not good enough, etc.

        Great example of all this in action is Elon Musk’s SpaceX. His goal has always been rockets that can return and land anywhere. That’s his “perfect”. However, to get started, he had to build something that could get off the ground (pretty much the MVP in rocketry). Then improve from there. Many other examples out there.

        Embrace the idea of an MVP, “just good enough”, “just fucking do it”, etc.

        Make it perfect later 🙂

      • Another thing: most of us are not going to “knock it out of the mark” with something like SpaceX.

        Just like most of us won’t be billionaires.

        The fact of the matter is that it’s incredibly easy to be above average (even top 10%), but you just have to have the drive to do it.

        And part of that drive is not being so obsessed that you never do anything.

        Gonna write a post about this one!


      I totally agree with you that waiting for perfect opportunity can be much worse than doing something not the best way. Heard it a lot of times as an excuse for doing nothing. Sounds more like laziness. Sometimes impossibility to be prefect really stops from doing anything at all. But I don’t think “I can do better” is only the trap. Small steps to improve, when you cannot do your best are still changing quality of your work/life. I came to this idea when I began to do sport, where is no limit to become better but progress is so slow that you can’t see it at all.

      The problem is that in some cases people are not even trying to better than average or find ways to improve. Leaving something on a half way because it is not important and they think they won’t benefit from that in short term.

      I like idea of continuous improvement and for me it’s part of perfectionism. Maybe this concept is a bit understood differently in our languages. Perfectionism for me is more road you can take than determined moment when you need to stop. For me it’s motivation for improvement rather than mindset that only way you can do something is perfectly otherwise better don’t do anything.

      • so we’re in agreement then with the concept then, just that “perfect” might not be the best word choice.

        And I would disagree with the idea that not doing something is laziness, I think it is more fear-based than anything else.

  • ten zły

    You are lucky bastard!
    I hope you do well. It is rare to have such a girl, don’t waste it.
    Doesn’t mean you have to marry her, but sure as hell don’t waste it.

    • I won’t, don’t you worry.

      (Waste it, that is. In case she’s reading it ;)).

      TBD on the other part.

      • ten zły

        Well, it probably wouldn’t be worst girl to marry. Quite an opposite, but you are quite young for man to be married. I think biblical age of 30 is wise choice in that matter, but that is my personal opinion.

      • Supposedly the male brain is not fully developed until 25. There’s a reason so many men under that get married (and consequently, divorced).

        But you’re right–she wouldn’t be.


      Nice to hear that, thanks. Yes, he does pretty well in not wasting it 😉


      Over 150 years ago there was a “type” of girl that captured the hearts of the hardest of men, Russians. These women were known as some of the most feminine creatures that ever graced modern society. I was fascinated when I first learned about them (which is a much longer story in itself) but here’s at least an introduction and if you want to read more about this maybe I can get with Kyle on writing a formal post for his blog.

      But first, some highlights from the link in Kyle’s comment above for those to lazy to go read it all:


      A “Turgenev girl” is a particular type of female character invented, or rather documented, by the 19th century writer Ivan Turgenev. “We had listed the peculiarities of today’s Turgenev girls: delicate manners, modest, refined, simple, romantic, living in their dreams, feminine, though with no make up…”

      “She’s neither vulgar nor provocative, nor sexy, dressed with retro fashioned – even vintage – clothes, fond of literature, of classical music, playing an instrument, speaking several languages (often French and Italian), waltzing, blushing when they hear rude remarks, they have well established and strong moral principles, they are devoted, they come from several social classes, they are not part of any network,” Philippe says.

      It’s proved by the quotes from Turgenev: “There was something innately special in the constitution of her somewhat dark, round face with small, thin nose, almost childlike cheeks and black, bright eyes. She was gracefully formed, but somehow not fully developed.” (Asya, 1858)

      “I never saw a being more mobile. She did not sit still for one moment, was constantly getting up, running to the house and back, humming in a low voice, laughing often and in a strange way: she seemed to be laughing not at what had been said, but at other thoughts that had entered her head. Her large eyes looked straight ahead, bright and bold, yet sometimes the eyelids squinted, whereupon her gaze suddenly became profound and gentle.” (Asya, 1858)

      In this story Turgenev draws largely on Pushkin’s canonical image of the archetypal Russian woman — Tatyana Larina, with her bright, natural, undisguised feelings, which generally do not find an adequate response in a male environment. She is an introvert, but one with an artfully arranged inner world and mobile psyche.


      My Discovery

      A few years ago a guy I know traded in his old american wife for a young, dark haired, fair skinned, Moldavian girl with an adorable Russian accent and beaming smile. For years I observed them with some envy as this was the type of woman I always pictured for myself. This is what I’ve been looking for, was she some type of unicorn or some shit. What was it about her that captivated me so much?

      While very attractive, this girl wasn’t a supermodel. She wasn’t unusually tall, or glamorous in the traditional sense of madison avenue beauty. She was plain or maybe even “ethnic” looking. Yet there was a beauty about her. The way she carried herself. She was unmistakably feminine.

      The way she talked was decidedly timid, and could be mistaken as shy or insecure. She is naturally reluctant to make eye contact. Yet, when you listen to her you can tell she’s ambitious, albeit a bit unsure of how to proceed. It’s absolutely adorable to watch this inner conflict unfold. Anyone with even a basic knowledge of game see’s that she’s playing her role perfectly, but you still suddenly find yourself hypnotized and you WANT to play along with her.

      She is feminine because she loves to be a woman. She embraces it and she knows its her duty if she is to attract a masculine man. Most modern (western) women confuse femininity with arousal. They simply default to trying to get guys horny or turned on. A girl selling me sunglasses tried this just yesterday. It’s sad, and ugly.

      I’ve also noticed that these women don’t wear much (if any) makeup. They don’t usually dress in designer labels and flashy clothes. Yet they always look like females should in simple dresses and even sweaters and jeans. I have yet to see a fat one as they always seem to take pride in their feminine shape. And they don’t have a need to dye their hair blue or buy fake tits.

      They want to be more woman than any other woman in the room. Yet, they do it in such an understated way that its hard for me to describe. This makes them hard to spot in western society among the attention whoring loud mouthed party girls running around. A girl like this will seem plain and shy to most men and maybe max out as a 6-7 compared to the painted up clowns in the room. But these are the women that when they do get dolled up for a wedding or special event are the true 9-10’s in my book.

      I was surprised to learn that this is a common goal for many Russian women to aspire to, as such they are more concentrated in EE. I want to spend more time there observing them in the wild. Getting to know them and learning how to spot them better. I am able to get laid anytime, but this is my new obsession. Men need mission, this one is mine.

      I love that this type of girl genuinely likes the companionship of men, but she’s not needy or overtly sexual. Quite the opposite. This type of girl is a free spirit and craves adventure and independence. Much like the author of the “13 ways” article above she knows that working WITH a man to get what she wants is often a good thing. I’ve been able to spot these types of women more often now and I think Kyle may have found one for himself right here.

      I’ve got more notches than most of my buddies combined, and probably most of you assholes. But I’m bored with that life just like Roosh and some of the other guys that have been around for a while. I’m seeking something more now.

      Until a few months ago these women didn’t have a name I could use to describe them, but now I’ve come to know them as: “Turgenev Girls”

      I now know what I want, I want more.


      • You know, I find your post and Turgenev’s philosophy absolutely fascinating. On one hand, you have this near-mythical creature. You could call them a unicorn–mysterious. And yet, here we are trying to put a hard definition on these creatures.

        In some ways it seems so easy to define them yet in others it’s so complex. But by nature, it SHOULD be simple–feminine, classy, sweet girls. However, it goes so much deeper than that (as proven by your friend’s wife), that even immensely talented individuals struggle to paint proper words to describe it.

        I am noticing more and more that the truly special ones are the ones that have no idea how great they are. They are naively humble. In fact, I think those two words are the best way to describe it.

        They are naive to their beauty.

        They are naive to their charm.

        They don’t realize that the majority of the men in the world desire a girl like them in the long term.

        I want to run the full article when you’re finished. If you’re game, of course.

      • We need to help them realize it, and more importantly, help our brothers recognize it and learn how to find and reward it.

        It may be nothing. It may be all in my head. It may be some romantic fantasy from a Russian literature from the 1800’s. But I have better things to do than sit on the internet and listen to dudes that hate women try to convince me to do the same, so I won’t.

        I still love women because i can see the uniqueness in them and that gives me hope that there’s is more to life then merely banging holes. And if there’s not, at least I’ll be banging more interesting holes.

        So I’m going to keep looking. If I succeed, maybe I can help a few others think in a new way. Maybe that leads to something better than what we all have now.

      • I think it’s okay to entertain that fantasy, but you must remember that even the special ones are still women. If you don’t keep yourself sharp, you can still be eaten alive. No girl is incapable.

        Have you done any reading/research into a man’s negative ability to pair bond after too many bangs?

        It’s not as bad as girls have it, but eventually…yeah, all holes kinda feel the same.

      • I’m seeing it among the older players right now. They are miserable pricks. So you;re right, I think many of us that are at this stage need more than just physical attraction to pair bond. Hence, my new quest. We’ll see.

        Plus, I think you always have to have a focus greater than women, I’m lucky that I have things I enjoy in life more the negotiating pussy.

      • I wrote this somewhere else…but can’t find it.

        I think some men are meant to be players. They love it.

        Most players are a product of necessity; i.e. the dating scene in the West collapsing.

        Those men won’t be happy playing forever.

      • ** RESPONSE FROM HER **

        Surprised that you are familiar with this concept and mentioned “Turgenev’s girls”. Almost all whom I talked about it here didn’t know anything about it.

        At the same time, to be honest, I also had no particular knowledge about it just general things. So I made a little research. I found that understanding of this concept is different in English and Russian sources. First determines it as feminine qualities of women that are probably not very common for western countries and goes contrary to others who seek attention. Russian sources emphasize more on big difference between these feminine qualities and strong morality of these girls. They were devoted to their principles and people whom they love. Anyway, I’m not an expert in Russian literature but it is really pleasant for me that my thoughts remind you this concept.

      • I still have much to learn about the concept myself. So far I see that most TG’s do not even realize that they are special. They are simply being, living in a moment, and guided by a deeper morality and sense of duty. To what or whom I’m not quite yet certain, but I know I like it. I’ve obviously become a big fan of Russian literature recently and would love to learn more about women with these traits. My fear is that documenting too much about them will make them a target for more nefarious actors that will exploit the few that are left. I know that if I find one I would cherish her regardless of what my “bros” think. I love, love. Raw femininity is intoxicating.

      • Kyle here this time.

        I think by the very definition you gave TG girls, there’s no way they could realize the potential and qualities they possess. By your own definition they’re humble, ambitious, but maybe a bit lost in the world.

        I don’t think you have to fear documenting them, simply because most guys won’t be able to pull it off.

        UNLESS….you think they are just as easy to fall prey to short term game as other girls. I don’t think there’s any doubt that short and long term game is so vastly different, and almost all of the Game teachings out there are about short term.

      • 1) Exactly, be leery of the girl that calls herself a TG.

        2) YES, they are VERY easy targets of players because they are romance driven.

        Let me explain the second point. To quote Rollo (who’s actually quoting Xsplat) “Women love opportunistically.” So what I think is happening is that out of 3 billion+ women on this planet there just may be some that actually love romantically.

        Now the catch is that they may only love romantically for a period of time early on in life until they become jaded by broken hearts, life wearing them down, etc. And they may even be too independent for marriage. This may explain why they are typically younger women (under 30) from what I’ve observed so far. This also ties into to Rollo’s “wall” theory. So, in the event a player with even a little bit of game encounters one they will easily win her. But will they know what they’ve won and what to do with her? Or is she just another notch? Hell, I’m curious what I’d do.

        My assertion is that I think if you are lucky to find one, realize that you have something that might be a bit unique. Now whether that is good or bad for me or other men is too soon to tell. And I’m not saying to run off and marry her. I have yet to consciously be in a relationship with one, so I don’t honestly know. Hence, why I call this all theory. I’m still very early in this as I mentioned before and just wanted to share what I’ve found so far. Time will tell.

        But that being said, now I’m really curious about Mrs Tomassi. We need to get Rollo over here to bring us all to our senses. Would love his take on all this.

      • Definitely appreciate you chiming in. Lot of good info in here. Probably should be consolidated into a whole new post, to be frank.

        I get what you’re saying about love vs. opportunity.

        The ones who love for love are special, but rare.

      • Well said, my friend. I think it would be great to hear the experiences of others and bring a modern RP perspective to it. For now, I’m back to my quest. It will be interesting to see where all of this leads me in the months ahead.

      • Definitely keep me posted. Maybe our paths will cross.

      • Throughout my life there have been a handful of Russian speaking girls that have captivated me for all those reasons you listed above. None of them were super models but all very beautiful and feminine. I finally have term for them. Thanks for sharing this!

      • They really are a treasure, aren’t they?

        Thanks for commenting!

      • Hope you all don’t mind but I ended up writing a post of my own about this.

      • Not at all. It was a great post!

      • Thanks. Much appreciated.

      • Are you dating one of them now?

      • Not currently, unfortunately.

      • Keep your head up–they turn up unexpectedly.

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